It is so hard for me to stay away from this cruel sadistic man

You're too invested for a no-strings sex arrangement with this man. You won't be able to stop yourself from having expectations.

This

Do you maybe have some issue where you crave validation and that’s what’s driving your intense attraction to him? Because he is awful to you you crave his approval through sex?

Hmmm.

Get help. If you let one man do this to you, you are vulnerable to others doing the same. Work on your self esteem and personal boundaries.

Most of the replies have been advising her to move on, he is nothing but trouble.
The OP did ask for advice, but if she comes back defending her actions, when deep down she knows he is nothing but trouble, for her and every other woman who gets hooked up with him, it's obvious she is either on a wind up or she will just ignore the well meaning advice she has been given.

The thing is op, YOU and only YOU are responsible for the choices you make. You say he is cruel, abusive and awful but yet you are willingly making the choice to keep going to him. What does that say about you.
you need a clean break, but then again it’s only something you can do.

A lot of really cruel posts to the OP.

Yes obviously dating a man who treats you badly is not a situation to be desired and yes of course in an ideal world the OP would kick him to the kerb and walk away with head held high.

Lots of reasons make people have poor boundries, poor self esteem and crave bad treatment. Children who were abused by their parents literally crave the comfort of the familiar treatment and seek it out.

Obviously it's a pattern you want to stop and I don't know how you do it. Therapy I guess which is expensive and costs alot. It's not a quick fix and can take years and be very expensive.

All I'm saying is you can point out the problem and be more kind in your support and suggestions. A person addicted to cruel behaviour has probably been brainwashed to expect it and being mocked on mumsnet is probably not going to help the OP.

The irony is a bit much. Don't take the cruel treatment from this man but here lets all give you a kicking on mumsnet

I am ready to move on and find someone decent.

So, move on and find someone decent.

You won't be fully emotionally available until you're no longer intimate with him, seeing him etc.

Also most men don't want to get into steady relationships with women who are on fwb situations with other men.

What if Mr abuser gives you some nasty std before you stop having sex with him - and then you have to tell the decent guy, and maybe that guy doesn't want to risk herpes for decades, so he declines to get into a serious relationship with you.

You are right about the addiction btw - it's an oxytocin, chemical and psychological addiction. You keep trying to win with him. You're addicted to the high of attention and validation after the low of being rejected/apparently discarded.

Get out of that cycle.

Nothing will get you out of that cycle other than stopping seeing him having contact with him, and being intimate with him.

There is someone you "have in mind"? While you're obsessing over this other loser? Your love life is a total car crash! I pity the other person you "have in mind".

You need to give up the sex. He is dangerous and could harm you. Why don't you go forward too and report him for abuse Like others are doing

Watch 're documentary on Andrew Tate and ask yourself do you even want to be in bed with someone like that

A man who abuses women is a man who despises women. Assuming you're a woman, that means he despises you.

He is a risk to your psychological and physical health. He is a risk to other women. If you have children, he's a risk to them and to your continued custody of them.

No penis is worth those risks. Get a vibrator and therapy. You'll be happier in the longer term.

I'm not sure if you are being disingenuous now. It's quite obvious that a serial abuser hates women. You even asking that feels like you are minimising his past victims

It's also extremely destructive behaviour to stay sleeping with an abuser "until you find someone else you are equally attracted to."

That simply does not speak to a good, healthy self esteem.

Now listen here, lady. Take your brain out of your knickers and put it back in your skull, where it belongs.

taps sign

Stop being a bloody doormat, and block him.

You are a fool. A slave to an abusive man. Just … think

Exactly !

How can you find this vile man appealing knowing he has abused other women?
If you continue with him i would keep it to yourself as people are going to get bored fairly quickly listening to your woes.
Surely you can do better than this.

He despises women in general and he gets a kick of humiliating them. You repeatedly humiliate yourself by crawling back to him for sex every time. You are essentially making into victim, willingly, and he laughing at you. He literally just wants to see how much he bring you down before he discards you.

Your self-esteem is not fine. You are deluded. If you had self-esteem you wouldn’t be pining after an abuser who hates you. You’re almost romanticising your own victimhood.

You accept the love you feel you deserve.

I don’t know you, but I know that you deserve better- nobody deserves that.

Your self esteem is absolutely not fine if the only way you can get your mind off him is with another man. Real esteem is found by bring happy within yourself not validating your self worth jumping from one bloke to the next.

No one with good self esteem would touch a known abuser with a 20 foot pole - don’t demean yourself with delusion.

And of course an abuser hates women - that’s in their DNA.

With respect OP, you need to seek some therapy and read up on the ‘shark cage’ theory. Block, delete and ghost this toxic trash bag.