To NOT feel guilty that my kids are in childcare?

I’ve not given up my career either. Just taking a power pause to be with my babies. I recommend this book https://amzn.eu/d/bHU878B

I get recruiters contacting me constantly about roles, no one is phased in the slightest about my career break. Most of these roles are also flexible, wfh positions.

This “I don’t dare to take a career break in case I can’t resume it” just sounds weak and defeatist. I suspect it’s also being used as an excuse by some to outsource the childcare (not saying this is you).

Okaaaay…. But this is a thread about full time nursery childcare so I’m (genuinely) confused about why you’re engaging with my argument if your set up is tag team parental care and no nursery which is what you seem to be saying?

I'm very happy with it. Giving up my career was never an option.

@Kanfuzed123 strange post and great for you.
I've never seen anti childcare sentiment what I have seen is a post like... My baby cries for weeks going to nursery what shoud I do and the one or two people who dare to suggest... Maybe don't send them and find another way.. Get absolutely jumped on with shouts of, would you ask a man this.

I've seen two posts on here only that drew true honest responses from actual nursery workers and some who've had a bad experience.

If you’re happy with this set up, you do you. I cannot imagine being away for so many hours every day from my child of similar age.

The OPs question was “is it reasonable to not feel guilty about using childcare” and myself and some other users answered that they would in fact feel guilty. In my case it wouldn’t even be guilt but deep sadness.

Depends on the child too. My 2 year old talks about his nursery friends all of the time and doesn't just parallel play.

People often call my 2 year old kind too, as well as polite. Weird since he should be feral as he goes to nursery full time.

They don't stay in the same room.

My eldest you wouldn't even get a wave goodbye 👋

The difference is he probably didn’t have to spend several hours in the same room with that child 3/4/5 x week.

My brother was bitten by my mums friends son of the same age IN OUR BACK GARDEN. Not seeing it's a nursery thing

I’ve already commented on that. Leaving your vulnerable baby/toddler is very different to an older child. It’s similar to care homes really yet somehow it’s socially acceptable to acknowledge that abuse/maltreatment (both from caregivers and other residents) exists in care homes without being accused of guilt tripping families who put their relatives into such homes. You can’t possibly say the same about babies in nurseries though, we must pretend these issues don’t exist.

Yes, which is why research says they don’t really need other children to play with until 3. Until then it’s parallel play. They don’t see other children as play pals but rather as someone they have to fight for resources. And before someone tells me they have to learn about sharing etc. I get other parents regularly coming up to me in playgrounds saying my daughter is very kind. She knows exactly how to behave when playing with other children despite not being in childcare.

Many of those go to nursery or being taken by a childminder.

Best never send them to school then. Wrap them in cotton wool and keep them in your house.

Same. I know my son attempted to bite a child few months ago but he was being pushed and he can't verbalise himself so tried to bite instead.

My children have never been bitten at nursery. DS2 has bitten DS1 several times at home though.. Poor DS1 also once bitten at school by a 10 year old..

I would be slightly amused if it was your child who was pushing another child down a slide. Nursery doesn't make a child more aggressive. All children are capable. My son isn't very often but he will occasionally push or even attempt a bite which is why I don't leave him.

4 is very different to, say, 18 months. Which is very different again to 6 months.

Physically attacked is very dramatic. It's frustration, it's learning how to behave and communicate etc. All very age appropriate for toddlers.

Very basic toddler development.

Not all children go to nursery full time.

Well they can learn on other children then, I’d rather mine not be physically attacked, thank you. There is a thread currently about a child who has a permanent scar from such incident in nursery.

Actually I have another theory. We usually go to these sort of places mid week during school hours so we are mainly mixing with other non-nursery children who tend to be less aggressive.

I have 3 in nursery and they have also never been bitten. It isn't something that would alarm me if it did happen just as it doesn't alarm me if they get a shove by a toddler their own age at soft play which has actually happened.

Babies and toddlers are learning.

Well multiple studies show that children at nursery have very high levels of cortisol which can make them aggressive. This coupled with not being watched all the time due to ratios is more likely to lead to these incidents I guess.

I don’t know where do you all live or take your kids but where I go, we don’t generally get attacked, no. Maybe it’s because the adults are present and diffuse any conflicts early on or maybe it’s because my kids are not aggressive and never hit or bit anyone.