To NOT feel guilty that my kids are in childcare?

Sounds ideal. I keep thinking that I don’t want this to end, absolute best years getting to know and watch develop these little people every day ❤️

In answer to your questions, we were beyond fortunate where we live (will vary by area) that we had a pick of 1-3 lovely things to do every morning. We had a beautiful routine- out in the morning (local, free 0-5 playgroup, Hartbeeps, Little City, swimming, free soft play, 2 local libraries, free singing group, time with Nana), followed by lunch and nap/quiet time, then afternoons we deliberately kept a bit quieter (indoor and outdoor play, time at other people’s homes/people visiting us, garden, parks). We could pass hours cuddled up with a pile of stories, working our way through a load of puzzles or board games. Fairly regular day trips to farms/zoos/National Trust/outdoor venues to meet friends further afield. Absolutely loved structuring our week and having the freedom to jump in the car and hit the road on an adventure whenever we fancied it. Best, most beautiful years of my life so far, which I miss so much already.

I always find these threads really sad. The anti-nursery brigade doing their best to bring other women down. What a sad place to be as a woman - surely we should be supporting each other whatever the circumstances. I always think these people must actually be deeply unhappy to spend their time doing this?!

Well having watched 8 lots of multiple 3 year olds starting Nursery each term over a period of almost 3 years who’d never attended anywhere, and also having worked at several other schools with their own nurseries where it was the same, I’d say the majority.

Lucky you! How often does that happen then?

Harsh? My 3 year old would beg to differ 😂 She started Nursery term after 3rd birthday for mornings only. Rocked up on day 1, joined her line with a huge smile and cheery ‘bye Mummy!’ Happy and ready aged 3 from day 1.

By this logic we should start babies in nursery even earlier to get them used to it, maybe 3 or 6 months since a lot of them now go from 9 months.

Countries with a higher school starting age all tend to still have some type of childcare options. Especially as in some of those countries, parental leave is generous for both parents and childcare is generously subsidised.

Of course, they also pay the incredibly high taxes that people would likely balk at here. It's just a completely different society with much more equality between parents.

Nursery workers are definitely not teachers. It’s a minimum wage, low skill job. Not that babies and toddlers need education so I’m not sure why you think SAHMs need to have teaching skills.

Let me guess. You will homeschool so they don't leave you for even longer? I just feel sorry for three year old who have no experience of childcare and then start preschool. I wasn't talking about school anyway. Preschool isn't really school anyway?

@IVFmumoftwo I’ve got a shocker for you, in many countries kids don’t start school until they’re 7 and in many cases they are at home with a parent until then (or start nursery around age 4). They cope very well and in fact research shows that later start at formal
education results in better outcomes for children.

https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/discussion/school-starting-age-the-evidence

Delaying formal education may lead to better academic and developmental outcomes for some children, particularly in areas like social-emotional learning and reading skills. Studies have shown that children who enter school at six or seven may achieve better educational results and higher levels of well-being compared to those who start earlier. A later start can also reduce inattention and hyperactivity, and improve self-regulation, according to the University of Cambridge research.

@HJA87mayne your kids could play independently but mine just wanted me to do every single thing with them. They had an entire playroom of toys and garden but wanted every second of me. They both went early on to school and absolutely thrived. And they were learning at the same time. I’m not a teacher, have no desire to be and preferred to leave that to actual teachers. And I loved my time. Still don’t feel guilty.

It would only be 4-5 years if you only had one child - many/most people have overlapping children though?

@ConnieSlow I also agree. I think it very harsh on a three year old to be taken to preschool with no experience of nursery before that.

I am very envious. 😂 Is your child three now?

NOT AT ALL

My kids loved nursery and now love school and I love not being “mummy!” for part of my life again. Everybody is happy

Gee, if you have to ask this then maybe you shouldn’t be a SAHM. Don’t your kids have toys to play with? Can’t you take them outside? It’s not that hard. Also kids shouldn’t be „entertained” at all times, it’s good for them to have some unstructured time and even to get bored.

I’ll top you op. Im a sahm and my toddler started at age 2. She goes in 5 days a week for half a day. I don’t feel an ounce of guilt and love my time that I get. She does things that I can’t do at home and learns SO much. She even has play dates with kids who she knows not randoms from playgroups who she sees once or twice a week. And she loves the social aspect.

i can never understand those who keeps their kids home till age 3. Doing what exactly and how do you keep them busy??!

Exactly.

Money provides options and opportunities and this is beneficial for children who eventually get older, go to school and absolutely want more than just the bare bones. This is easier to provide without taking a massive hit career wise for several years.

Then there’s also the fact that children from more affluent backgrounds (typically where both parents work) do better in life, achieve more etc

'typically' is doing a lot of heavy lifting there @Kanfuzed123 . The research was done well before it was the norm for two parents to work more or less full time - and in any case, it very much depends what your vision of 'doing better' involves. Possibly if it is being able to afford two holidays a year, etc, you're right. Other measures - mental health ones for example - are also available.

It would only be 4-5 years if you only had one child, it could also mean money being tight anyway if we are actually talking about double that for at least 2 children because you probably aren't going to immediately waltz back into what you were earning before.

Of course babies and toddlers don't care about all that stuff but they will eventually and it's about the long term future, not just the short term.

I think we can agree that we will never agree. I think it's a shame for you that you live in such judgement of other people but I can't help you. I promise you do not have to worry about my children, or my friends children, or my kids friends.

You can certainly worry about the children being raised in households with inadequate love, attention, food or heat but otherwise it's entirely true that how families work best is variable and any number of options might be a perfect choice for them.

(Still super confused as to how 4 years out of work would help anything though - that maths doesn't work out. If I was off work for 4 years I'd go back when my son was being born so I would absolutely be looking at 9 years off if I was meant to wait for my youngest to be in school before re-entering the workforce. Way longer for people with more children.)

Like another poster, I also grew up in a household with one working parent and a lot of sacrifice. I hated it and swore I wouldn't repeat that in my own family. People either model their parents or do the opposite so don't be surprised if your own children are career oriented!

@SouthLondonMum22 Money being tight is not ideal

But you are describing your experience of it as an older child, which is completely different.

Babies and toddlers don't give a monkeys about extra curriculars or savings. You might, because they are part of a lifestyle that you believe you deserve - but that's a different matter and it would be better to admit that.

We're talking about four or five critical years. It's nothing really.