Colleagues spoke about me on Teams call thinking I wasn’t there - do I say anything

The thing is, even if she hadn't had a sleepless night, lots of people process verbal information more slowly. I'm one of them, although I've become pretty up front about explaining this to people (I.e. "I'm not stupid, I just take a bit longer to process some information and like to reflect more before replying to make sure I've understood all the information correctly"). They were arseholes, who may just as easily have been criticising someone with a disability, such was their thoughtlessness.

I'd definitely be telling them what I'd heard because they need to know it's not OK. But yes, I'd be coming from a position of "I wasn't on top form, which probably showed in my responses, but what you said about me was hurtful, thoughtless and misogynistic".

Why didn't you let them know you heard? You could have just said "excuse me?" or similar. It was a bit weak of you to just run off and cry.

I’d just be concerned in that scenario that my manager would feel compelled to step in (even just to cover their own arse in case it came to light later that they hadn’t taken any action).

I agree with this but I would name them.

I think that sounds like a good plan. I’d ask your manager for advice though, and not name the colleagues - more a ‘what would you do’ and ask that your manager doesn’t contact them on your behalf. I’d prefer to approach it myself, if they think you ‘told’ on them to your boss it’s more likely to get their backs up and I think I’d want to keep my powder dry for sending it up the chain of command at this point.

They'd have had no idea whether she could hear or not. She said she had to go answer the door and muted herself/turned the video off. But they couldn't know where her door was, or whether she could still hear the call from her door. So whilst they may not have intended her to hear it, it was incredibly foolish to assume camera off means she can't hear what they're saying.

Sounds to me like everyone on that call was unprofessional in some way or another. The OP should have rescheduled the call if she was so ill-prepared and sleep-deprived - and should not have left to answer the door in any case; and the other colleague was out of order to comment on the OP's looks. The third colleague who made the 'hard work' comment was just a bit tactless, and the least guilty of the three.

I would either

1. email both of them tell them you heard the conversation and it was unacceptable and you expect an apology
2. report to management

As noted above — you’re clearly trying to bait. Pretty pathetic tbh. 👋

'Genuinely alarming' that a colleague might bitch about another colleague behind their back? Pull the other one.

😂😂😂 OK, you’re def just posting to get a rise out of people.

Absolutely!

Well since one actually affects the job they're doing (or not doing in OPs case) and one doesn't, probably the OP's behaviour.

Good God, where do some of you people work? Genuinely alarming that so many of you think this is normal work chat and also understandable because OP was tired.

I worked in a toxic workplace for nearly a decade and people talked a lot of shit, but never that sexist and disgusting.

The comment wasn't for OP's ears though. Ridiculously stupid of them to say it on a Teams call, but it was intended to be a private conversation between two people.

It's delusional to assume these kind of conversations aren't happening in workplaces up and down the country. I'm sure plenty of colleagues have had a bitch about me behind my back after I've fucked something up. The idea of going to HR to complain about it is laughable.

I had a shitty nights sleep with my DD and to be honest wasn’t 100% with it on the call, I was a bit slow on articulating myself a couple of times and muddled through one answer in particular.

This is not their issue this is yours, it’s not their fault your child didn’t sleep.

My doorbell went about 5 minutes from the end for a delivery I was expecting, I said I was just going to get it and muted myself/turned camera off as I would usually

You're working for goodness sake, I’d be mighty pissed off if a colleague went to answer the door in a meeting. That's unprofessional and I’d say something about it.

I heard one of them mutter something about the call being hard work. The other one then made a comment about my appearance, which was basically that ‘it’s a good job she’s a looker as I don’t think any man would be with her for her brains’ and the other one laughed. They were then quite clearly waiting for me to return.

You weren’t fully present during the call which you’ve admitted as your child was up during the night then went to answer the door while working, no wonder they said the call was hard work. If you were in the office I suspect you’d have been picked up on this. Their comments were inappropriate but they have every right to put in a complaint about you too. You’re kicking the arose out of working from home.

Edited to add no wonder so many employers are going back to expecting staff back into the office if this example is anything to go by.

Mm, of course not. I think you made your terrible point perfectly clear, nonetheless!

If you reread my posts I didn’t say anything about equivalence.

Can't believe some of these replies. You absolutely should report this, OP. They were communicating in work time, on work equipment, for business purposes. Commenting on your looks/perceived lack of brains was sexist, unprofessional and bullying.

If you dont want to report them, do as others have said and be 100% on the ball next time, and work in some comment that mirrors enough of what they said for them to recognise it, without actively calling them out on it.

If you tell them directly and suggest you'll be reporting, you'll give them time to come up with a story and cover for themselves

What's less professional, being a bit tired or calling someone hot but stupid as soon as you think they're out of earshot?

There's human and then there's just unpleasant, unprofessional hideousness.

Not sure how you can report that you were hard work because you weren't 100 per cent despite supposedly being at work.

It's not right that they commented on your appearance, but it was in comparison to how switched on you seemed. Again, not appropriate to call people thick, but a reasonable level of attention and articulacy can be expected.

If you muddled your explanations, popped off to answer the door and then disappeared because something 'came up', and if you have mentioned your dd and lack of sleep, they're probably right to think you need to step up.

@AndreaGreen That's awful. 100% report it, even if you don't have proof. You may be able to get a transcript automatically from the chat -- if your horrible colleagues aren't in IT, you should be able to ask them if it was set up on that call. A lot of orgs have it as a default setting.

https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/office/view-live-transcription-in-microsoft-teams-meetings-dc1a8f23-2e20-4684-885e-2152e06a4a8b

It is, but saying something that personal and below the belt on a video call is absolutely outrageous. When I saw the subject and started reading this thread, I was expecting “she’s annoying” or “I don’t like her” or whatever — but the actual comment is vile.