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Original poster

Finances post baby - how would you split?

185 replies

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 16:18

I would welcome views on this - pre baby/mat leave, DP and I both worked full time and split mortgage/bills equally - he earns double my salary.

I’m going back on roughly 50% of my hours on the same salary (pro-rata’d of course), with DP’s salary still double.

Would you expect DP to now pay say c.75% of all bills, or more given that now I’m earning less each month, I won’t have much left over post settling my share?

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 10/04/2025 17:09

If you split up what would your current financial position be?

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/04/2025 17:09

You are putting yourself in a vulnerable position, especially without marriage. It also sounds like you reduced your hours without his agreement.

I wouldn't expect him to fund it.

Lilacmonster · 10/04/2025 17:08

Your DP does realise if you go back full time and you have to pay 5 days of childcare that he will still be losing some of his wages to that?

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 10/04/2025 17:08

Leafy74 · 10/04/2025 17:07

You are in a very vulnerable position and you plan to make yourself more vulnerable.

Exactly what I was going to say.

Mrsttcno1 · 10/04/2025 17:07

DaisyChain505 · 10/04/2025 17:06

Well this just doesn’t make sense. If you were to go back to work to “maximise the amount you bring in” you’d just be paying someone else to look after your child.

So you and your partner need to pick between A: you earning less and looking after your joint child or B: you working/earning as before and paying for someone else to look after your joint child.

Either way the money loss is pretty much the same.

You have a joint child now. Surely your finances should be joint too. You’ve both decided to have a child so you shouldn’t be suffering financially. You’re a family and a team. You should both be paid into the same account and all bills come out of that and then you have the same amount of pocket money transferred to your individual accounts to spend on what you wish and then whatever is left over in the joint account at the end of the month goes into savings.

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They aren’t a team at all, OP is making decisions independently which impact the whole family. I wouldn’t want a person like that on my team!

Leafy74 · 10/04/2025 17:07

You are in a very vulnerable position and you plan to make yourself more vulnerable.

DaisyChain505 · 10/04/2025 17:06

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:01

He’d rather we maximise the amount we bring in whilst I was more intent on maximising the time I can spend with our DC

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Well this just doesn’t make sense. If you were to go back to work to “maximise the amount you bring in” you’d just be paying someone else to look after your child.

So you and your partner need to pick between A: you earning less and looking after your joint child or B: you working/earning as before and paying for someone else to look after your joint child.

Either way the money loss is pretty much the same.

You have a joint child now. Surely your finances should be joint too. You’ve both decided to have a child so you shouldn’t be suffering financially. You’re a family and a team. You should both be paid into the same account and all bills come out of that and then you have the same amount of pocket money transferred to your individual accounts to spend on what you wish and then whatever is left over in the joint account at the end of the month goes into savings.

Greentrees2024 · 10/04/2025 17:06

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:00

One day maybe, the ball isn’t really in my court with that. But we’ve got a house and a child so I don’t doubt his commitment.

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Why is the ball not in your court? Are you wanting to be ‘proposed to’?

Mrsttcno1 · 10/04/2025 17:06

steff13 · 10/04/2025 17:05

I'm of the belief that as an adult member of a family you don't get to just unilaterally decide that the other adult member of the family is going to support you. That's a two yes, one no decision for me. So I would expect you to still contribute half.

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Exactly this.

If you make unilateral decisions then you better be able to financially support yourself through them, if you can’t, back to full time.

steff13 · 10/04/2025 17:05

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:01

He’d rather we maximise the amount we bring in whilst I was more intent on maximising the time I can spend with our DC

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I'm of the belief that as an adult member of a family you don't get to just unilaterally decide that the other adult member of the family is going to support you. That's a two yes, one no decision for me. So I would expect you to still contribute half.

Lilacmonster · 10/04/2025 17:05

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:01

He’d rather we maximise the amount we bring in whilst I was more intent on maximising the time I can spend with our DC

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You both need to have a serious conversation this evening and come go an agreement you’re both happy with. I completely understand wanting to spend time with your child whilst they’re little and I also completely understand bills still have to be paid.

Both of you need to make a compromise here. Your partner should understand that financially it’s do able for you to be able to reduce your hours, save money on childcare costs and whilst baby is still little it is better to be with mum as much as possible.

You need to maybe considering taking more than 50% of your hours so that financially it’s not putting pressure on your home life.

Ideally you should both pay a fair share of your wages into the pot at a percentage. If you’re earning a lot less than DP then no you shouldn’t be paying 50-50.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 10/04/2025 17:04

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:00

One day maybe, the ball isn’t really in my court with that. But we’ve got a house and a child so I don’t doubt his commitment.

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Oh dear.

Leafy74 · 10/04/2025 17:03

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:00

One day maybe, the ball isn’t really in my court with that. But we’ve got a house and a child so I don’t doubt his commitment.

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Oh God...
One born every minute (and I don't mean your baby).
I'd advise him to start fund you don't know about - just in case.

Mulledjuice · 10/04/2025 17:03

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:00

One day maybe, the ball isn’t really in my court with that. But we’ve got a house and a child so I don’t doubt his commitment.

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In that case you definitely need to think carefully about reducing your income and pension!

What did he think should happen - you go back full time and continue to split expenses including childcare 50:50?

Do you own the house together? Could you afford the mortgage alone on your FT salary if you split up?

Mrsttcno1 · 10/04/2025 17:02

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:01

He’d rather we maximise the amount we bring in whilst I was more intent on maximising the time I can spend with our DC

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So why do you think he should fund your choices then?

If you can’t afford to contribute as you were before then you can’t afford to be part time.

Original poster
Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:01

steff13 · 10/04/2025 17:00

What does it mean that you weren't in total agreement about your hours?

He’d rather we maximise the amount we bring in whilst I was more intent on maximising the time I can spend with our DC

OP posts:
steff13 · 10/04/2025 17:00

What does it mean that you weren't in total agreement about your hours?

Original poster
Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:00

AprilBunny · 10/04/2025 16:59

Do you plan on getting married, perhaps it would stay full time until then?

One day maybe, the ball isn’t really in my court with that. But we’ve got a house and a child so I don’t doubt his commitment.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 10/04/2025 17:00

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 16:57

Thank you for the replies. We did have a discussion about my hours and weren’t in total agreement, but we can cope financially with my reduction and it means I can focus on being a parent as much as possible and not have to pay excessive amounts for childcare. The only issue is that we ideally want to move house which would mean a bigger Mortgage so we’d be more stretched if/when that happens.

If you weren’t in agreement then you can’t expect him to top you up.

And it’s not just up to you whether “we” can cope financially, if you need him to increase the % of the bills he pays then YOU cannot afford it financially.

You’ve made the unilateral decision so if I was him I’d be saying okay, but you’re expected to pay the same as you were before. If you can’t afford to do that then you can’t afford to work part time, simple.

AprilBunny · 10/04/2025 16:59

Do you plan on getting married, perhaps it would stay full time until then?

Burngreave · 10/04/2025 16:59

Split bills based on the proportion you contribute to the household income. So if he’s 75% and you’re 25% that’s what you contribute.

AprilBunny · 10/04/2025 16:58

What does your DP suggest?

Original poster
Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 16:57

Thank you for the replies. We did have a discussion about my hours and weren’t in total agreement, but we can cope financially with my reduction and it means I can focus on being a parent as much as possible and not have to pay excessive amounts for childcare. The only issue is that we ideally want to move house which would mean a bigger Mortgage so we’d be more stretched if/when that happens.

OP posts:
WoodyOwl · 10/04/2025 16:57

Both adults pay 100% of their salary into a joint account. Mortgage/rent, bills, food, cars, MOTs, petrol, DC's classes, clothes, activities all get paid from this and then an equal, set amount, say £250-£1000 depending on your financial bracket is transferred into each person's individual account to spend on whatever they like for themselves (hobbies, socialising, activities etc).

You have already cut half of your wage out. Your pension contributions will be peanuts too so this will have long term effects for you that will not be the same for your partner. What financial sacrifice is he making?

steff13 · 10/04/2025 16:56

I would pool the money since you're a family. If you don't want to do that, I would spilt based on salaries.