Finances post baby - how would you split?

If you went back full-time would your partner still expect you to pay 50:50 for everything even though you earn less

If my dp reduced his hours without my agreement and then expected me to subsidise his share of the bills, I would not be happy and I wouldn't be up for it.

You can't make this decision on your own, you're a couple and a partnership these kinds of decisions can't be made on your own.

Is he even able to cover 75% of the bills?

Yes decision should be joint but practically speaking is really hard to juggle both working full time. We did it after my first and I nearly gave myself a breakdown! Went part time after second. Yes luckily my partner was on board even though I was actually the higher earner, but if he isn’t been I would have pushed until he let me because with was too much to juggle and I hated being away the children that much. Sometimes it’s about more than the money. There were lots of practical things and the strong emotional feelings that my husband didn’t feel immediately feel. ( that doesn’t mean he didn’t listen- he always dif it just needed spelling out) .

Have you discussed how childcare costs will be split @Jeje100

Your dh sounds very money orientated. I went back part time, but thankfully dh and I were on the same page and he’d rather dc was in nursery 3 days and with me 2. We’ve never had shared finances and I can’t remember the exact amounts but I paid a good chunk less into the household.

Even with this plan though dh had to make adjustments to his working schedule. He started later and did all drop offs and I did pick ups. We split sick days, negotiating who has more flex on that particular day.

in your case id work out costs/ logistics of you returning ft vs pt.
ask him what days he will drop offs/ pick up will. Who will do sick days. Night wake ups etc.

you going back ft will only work if he does 50:50.

It doesn't matter why, the fact is that he is the parent too and should be part of the decision making.

Having a kid is a commitment to the child.

Having a mortgage is a commitment to a bank.

Neither offer any security to the other adult. Are you on the deeds of the house OP?

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Go to a registry office and get married or enter into a civil partnership as soon as possible. You've put yourself in an incredibly vulnerable position by living together and having a child before marriage.

Likewise. Zero security.

She’s not “taking a hit”, this is what OP wanted and has chosen, without agreement from her “partner”.

No adult in a relationship gets to make decisions like that themselves and then expect the other person to be okay with it.

The only person limiting what OP can earn is her- women are not always a victim, OP is doing what she wants to do here, not what she has been forced to, and she’s thrust her decision unilaterally on the household. That’s fine- but finance it yourself, if you expect a partner to support you then you need their agreement first.

I’d first ask who he thought was going to be looking after the child and was he ready to pay for childcare if OP went back full time.

It is his child too and he has just as much responsibility to work out the arrangements.

Why were you splitting your bills 50/50 rather than proportionally before you had the baby? That’s not behaving as a committed partnership at all. I’m surprised other people haven’t mentioned that as I think it’s very important to where you find yourself now.

He must have loads of savings, whose name are they in? Do you own your property in equal shares?

You're not married so you’re not legally committed to each other at all. I wouldn’t be going part time.

Why are you leaving marriage up to him? Would you have let him unilaterally decide when you could buy a house or have a baby? You say he’s committed but it doesn’t sound like it.

Well yes this should obviously have been discussed before conception/during pregnancy. But why wouldn’t any father want their baby to be looked after by a parent rather than a childcare professional if it was coming out at the same financial loss.

I understand if both parents are big earners and for one to cut hours it would be a bigger financial loss rather than paying for childcare but it doesn’t seem so in this case.

Whilst I agree that reducing hours should be discussed and agreed it isn’t just about hours and money is it? What about childcare, drop offs and pickups? Share of housework etc. There needs to be give and take on both sides. Men normally get let off a lot if stuff as they earn more - yes often because of the pay gap.

So if OP says ok I won’t reduce my hours but you need to share all pickups etc then I expect people would be saying that’s not fair as he earns more. Regardless of earnings all chores and childcare should be shared as a team regardless of pay.

On another note I think if you make commitment and move in together then bills are prorata according to earnings. Were all chores shared equally? This is the first ‘mistake’ you made. You are now in a risky position, you’re not married and he’s not supporting you.

For a start, 50/50 when he earns more isn’t equitable, the split should be based on earnings. He’s won a watch on that one so far.

The new split should be based on the new earnings.

I think these conversations need to be had before bringing your child into the world, during pregnancy or beforehand if they are planned.

For example I always knew in my heart I’d want to go part time if I was ever a mum especially for the first few years and DH was very supportive of this and pays extra towards bills than I do now.

It does seem like this convo wasn’t really had

@steff13 you would expect someone to contribute half even though they earn half the amount their partner does?

and it should be a joint decision, not the mother just deciding that she'll reduce her hours and that's that.

It wouldn't be a great decision to reduce your hours and pension contributions without the legal protection of a marriage contract.

Safeguard your housing/financial security, this is so important.

The loss of earnings is going to happen either way. Either from the OP working less to provide childcare or the OP and partner having to pay for childcare so she can continue working as much.

This is so important

So, if your partner wants to maximise earning, how was he proposing that you split childcare responsibilities? Is he happy to take sick days/ adjust his schedule to accommodate nursery pick up and drop offs?

If you work more hours who would be paying childcare? How much parenting is he planning to do?

How is she supposed to contribute half when she’s earning over 50% less than him.

She’s taking the hit of earning less so she can look after their JOINT child.

It will forever blow my mind when people see it as the man “supporting” the woman financially and doing her a favour when she cant earn as much because she’s providing the childcare. Someone has to look after this child that they magically produced.