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Original poster

Finances post baby - how would you split?

185 replies

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 16:18

I would welcome views on this - pre baby/mat leave, DP and I both worked full time and split mortgage/bills equally - he earns double my salary.

I’m going back on roughly 50% of my hours on the same salary (pro-rata’d of course), with DP’s salary still double.

Would you expect DP to now pay say c.75% of all bills, or more given that now I’m earning less each month, I won’t have much left over post settling my share?

OP posts:
Poonu · 10/04/2025 17:48

I think you're setting yourself up for failure.
It doesn't sound like an equal partnership.

Why won't he get married?

steff13 · 10/04/2025 17:46

DaisyChain505 · 10/04/2025 17:09

How is she supposed to contribute half when she’s earning over 50% less than him.

She’s taking the hit of earning less so she can look after their JOINT child.

It will forever blow my mind when people see it as the man “supporting” the woman financially and doing her a favour when she cant earn as much because she’s providing the childcare. Someone has to look after this child that they magically produced.

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Because she chose to only work part-time. As an adult who has been the primary and sometimes only breadwinner in my family for my entire adult life, I don't agree with another adult only working part-time.

I feel like you didn't understand my point, which was, you are welcome to work half time as long as you can continue to contribute at the same rate you You had been contributing when you were working full time.

Doing child care is not a favor to him. We don't know that he's not happy to pay for child care for every day.

MrsKeats · 10/04/2025 17:39

CarpetKnees · 10/04/2025 16:50

As a family, all money coming into the house (both salaries, child benefit, and any other income there may be) should go into one pot.

Out of that, all the bills are paid, all groceries, all childcare, all expenses for the child, petrol, cars etc. If you have enough, then savings for holidays, for emergency funds, for 'the future' also get put away. Then both adults get the same amount of "spending money" for whatever treats they want, and to use to buy presents, etc.

I think this is the way to go.

Naunet · 10/04/2025 17:38

So is he this militant about housework, cooking and parenting to be shared 50/50?

I think you'd be mad to sacrifice your earning potential when you're not married, but I guess you know the risk you're taking. It has to be with his agreement though.

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/04/2025 17:37

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:31

The option would be there, but I’m not massively career orientated so bar annual pay reviews I can’t see any major pay rise in the coming years

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Then I wouldn't expect him to fund the fact that you aren't interested in progressing. It's a valid choice but I don't think someone else should pay for it.

Lancasterel · 10/04/2025 17:36

WoodyOwl · 10/04/2025 16:57

Both adults pay 100% of their salary into a joint account. Mortgage/rent, bills, food, cars, MOTs, petrol, DC's classes, clothes, activities all get paid from this and then an equal, set amount, say £250-£1000 depending on your financial bracket is transferred into each person's individual account to spend on whatever they like for themselves (hobbies, socialising, activities etc).

You have already cut half of your wage out. Your pension contributions will be peanuts too so this will have long term effects for you that will not be the same for your partner. What financial sacrifice is he making?

This, regardless of what each person earns! It’s family money…

howshouldibehave · 10/04/2025 17:35

One day maybe, the ball isn’t really in my court with that. But we’ve got a house and a child so I don’t doubt his commitment.

He's committed to his child and the mortgage company, but not to you!

I don't think that once person should decide to go back to work part time without the other agreeing, and then expect them to cough up more money to enable this.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 10/04/2025 17:35

Payment should be proportionate to income.

Have you worked out what extra childcare would cost with you working full time as opposed to part time?
And then the difference in your deductions with full time & part time?
I take it if going part time, you'll be the one doing drop off, pick up & sick days? If you stay full time it will have to be shared. This is also his child. I think he needs a reality check.

Aliflowers · 10/04/2025 17:34

If you were (hypothetically) to go back to work how would that work. Re childcare. Who would finance it? Because if your partner was willing to split the cost 50/50 with you on everything else then surely the childcare bill would be included. So realistically he’s going to have to finance something, either a childcare bill for a child in full time care or shouldering something extra in the bills to allow work part time

BTW I never understand this completely separate finances thing.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 10/04/2025 17:34

Espresso25 · 10/04/2025 17:32

Nobody would ever have children. There’s a benefit to OP being home more too.

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What’s that?

Original poster
Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:33

crumblingschools · 10/04/2025 17:31

Has he paid anything towards the child so far?

Yeah of course

OP posts:
Espresso25 · 10/04/2025 17:32

Teapot13 · 10/04/2025 17:31

If you do have a financial split—which I think is madness when there’s a child—make sure your childcare contribution is recognized. What does a nanny cost in your area? That’s the comparison.

Nobody would ever have children. There’s a benefit to OP being home more too.

Wells37 · 10/04/2025 17:32

We've always just done one pot. 2 joint accounts, spending and bills.
Dh money goes into bills account and he’s mostly worked full time. I’ve worked a mostly part time or I’ve been self employed so cut back in the holidays etc. My money goes into the spending account. We both have access to everything, just discuss big purchases etc.

Teapot13 · 10/04/2025 17:31

If you do have a financial split—which I think is madness when there’s a child—make sure your childcare contribution is recognized. What does a nanny cost in your area? That’s the comparison.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 10/04/2025 17:31

1apenny2apenny · 10/04/2025 17:13

Whilst I agree that reducing hours should be discussed and agreed it isn’t just about hours and money is it? What about childcare, drop offs and pickups? Share of housework etc. There needs to be give and take on both sides. Men normally get let off a lot if stuff as they earn more - yes often because of the pay gap.

So if OP says ok I won’t reduce my hours but you need to share all pickups etc then I expect people would be saying that’s not fair as he earns more. Regardless of earnings all chores and childcare should be shared as a team regardless of pay.

On another note I think if you make commitment and move in together then bills are prorata according to earnings. Were all chores shared equally? This is the first ‘mistake’ you made. You are now in a risky position, you’re not married and he’s not supporting you.

I absolutely wouldn’t say that. It should be 50/50 on parenting and domestic stuff as a starting point. Nothing will
ever change if all the men get off lightly because they earn more.

crumblingschools · 10/04/2025 17:31

Has he paid anything towards the child so far?

Original poster
Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:31

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/04/2025 17:28

Is it a type of job with progression or will you always be at the same salary?

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The option would be there, but I’m not massively career orientated so bar annual pay reviews I can’t see any major pay rise in the coming years

OP posts:
Northerngirl821 · 10/04/2025 17:31

I would expect him to contribute more but it should be by take home pay not overall salary. At 50% hours you will still get full personal allowance so your earnings should be slightly above 50% of what they were before. If he is then earning 4x more than you then he should be contributing in roughly that proportion.

If you went back full time you would have to pay more in childcare so your reduction in hours is saving money on that. You shouldn’t be financially disadvantaged.

Espresso25 · 10/04/2025 17:30

redphonecase · 10/04/2025 17:28

I wouldn't downsized my career unless married and all money is family money. all into and out of one pot. You're a family, not flatmates.

This some of my friends pay proportionately and they’ve scrolled through mat leave having to “ask” for money. If you can’t be trusted with a joint account you shouldn’t be having a child together.

Espresso25 · 10/04/2025 17:29

We just pool our money. Neither of us really monitor the others spending, we would discuss a very expensive purchase like a car. But we both have very similar values. I didn’t want to be asking my DH for money after having had a child nor feeling I was reliant.

redphonecase · 10/04/2025 17:29

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:26

Yeah I believe he would

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Nice. Would he pay you for his share of the childcare you are providing for his baby?

redphonecase · 10/04/2025 17:28

I wouldn't downsized my career unless married and all money is family money. all into and out of one pot. You're a family, not flatmates.

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/04/2025 17:28

Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:26

Yeah I believe he would

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Is it a type of job with progression or will you always be at the same salary?

Leafy74 · 10/04/2025 17:27

stanleypops66 · 10/04/2025 17:21

Your dh sounds very money orientated. I went back part time, but thankfully dh and I were on the same page and he’d rather dc was in nursery 3 days and with me 2. We’ve never had shared finances and I can’t remember the exact amounts but I paid a good chunk less into the household.

Even with this plan though dh had to make adjustments to his working schedule. He started later and did all drop offs and I did pick ups. We split sick days, negotiating who has more flex on that particular day.

in your case id work out costs/ logistics of you returning ft vs pt.
ask him what days he will drop offs/ pick up will. Who will do sick days. Night wake ups etc.

you going back ft will only work if he does 50:50.

But he's not her D'H'. He's her boyfriend. Very different situations.

Original poster
Jeje100 · 10/04/2025 17:26

crumblingschools · 10/04/2025 17:25

If you went back full-time would your partner still expect you to pay 50:50 for everything even though you earn less

Yeah I believe he would

OP posts: