Finances post baby - how would you split?

But then she'll know where she stands and can get her ducks in a row and stay FT at work

So you are expecting him to fund your ‘I wants’…

Decided to work less...to do more of the work parenting their child? and yes obviously it would need to be discussed but just as I would expect my partner to pay more if I worked less to spend time with our kid I'd be happy to support financially if he wanted to. In my house it's not his money and my money, it's our money.

My husband earns double my salary but we are a family so everything goes into a joint account that pays bills savings etc. once they are paid the money that is left is used as we need it.
i don’t understand people that are in a long term relationship with children and still have separate money, you are a family so you should just use what you both earn.

We work out what we need in our joint account each month and then add money to it proportionate to our income. That does mean that the higher earner has more left over each month but that's not an issue for us as we see all money as jointly ours anyway. I would be wary of giving up earning potential though given that you aren't married. If marriage isn't for you would you do a civil partnership?

Regardless, splits should be proportional to income so you need to revisit that. The decision around you reducing your hours should have been joint (although given the cost of childcare it’s probably a good one financially). All child related spend should come out of the joint account, children are a joint expense. So many women seem to get saddled with paying for everything for the baby…

The problem with ultimatums is they can backfire... badly. And it's the OP who is in the weaker position.

I think YABVU to decrease your hours and expect him to pick up the slack without discussing it and both agreeing. I think he will become resentful and it will 100% affect your relationship.

I am in a similar situation (wanted to go part time after maternity leave), but I’d never do that if I knew my partner would not be supportive as that wouldn’t be fair.

If he earns double your salary you should never be paying 50/50 anyway but proportional to your salary.

as to when you go back the same should apply

Why doesn't your dp want to maximise time with child?
You could both cut to 4 days a a week. Child is in childcare x 3 days you one day dp one day.
Much fairer and great to ensure dad gets time with child

Your mistake was getting pregnant before you got married. I'd be making it clear that either you get married now, or he owes you half the equivalent cost of the childcare you'll be providing.

I don't think you can expect to.pay less as you have decided to work less. What if your partner did the same and cut his hours to spend more time with baby would you pay in more to subsidise his choices?
I went part time after baby but it's a sacrifice financially and I only did it after doing a budget to make sure I could pay my bills from my wage. It was a good job really as we split before baby was 2

Money contributed should be based on earnings and on overall agreed expenses. Personally I'd be getting married sharp ish in your scenario unless your inheritance is major $$$....and keep an eye on the pension. It is easier to get a mortgage with one set of childcare costs and two working adults then two sets of childcare costs....esp if your salary won't change so do bear that in mind.

Same here, but the marriage contract means you are legally financially linked.

Hey Jeje100

I was in this more or less exact situation in 2016 after the birth of our daughter. I earned a lot less then my partner and when we moved in together I paid half of the bills including the mortage for a house that he had bought before we met. After I had our daughter he just said don't give me any more money and if I needed money ( for food shopping etc ) he would just bank transfer. After about 6 months he said it will be easier to get a joint account and all money goes in one pot and out of one pot. I went back to work part time and then full time before having our son in 2021. I did have some career progression and earnt more but I can't match his earnings. He works away during the week and although when at home he is hands on ( with the kids) easily 95% of all domestic labour , childcare and admin falls to me. I used to feel like a failure and I was super competitive trying or wanting to keep up. I think looking back now it was the wrong way to look at it, I have had to change and adapt my career around children. I think that if you are looking after the child and home and the earnings are unequal perhaps the fairest way to do it is to chuck everything in one pot? We have been together now 11 years, married for 5. I should have never looked at it as mine and his, everything is ours, and he has never made me feel like it's his money vs my money. It tooka long time for me to come around to see that infact we are team. Please no hate but I recommend this approach for financial equality.

Married here too and would never agree to a joint bank account.

I’ve been married over 20 years and have never had a joint bank account!

That only applies if they are married. They are just boyfriend and girlfriend. I do not believe boyfriend and girlfriend should have joint finances.

Exactly...

Whether DP wants to or not they should still be given an option of which you forgot to mention...
Option C...
The partner goes PT and OP goes back full time.

Putting aside the issue of you making a decision on working hours that he does not necessarily agree with, I'm unclear why you split the bills 5-/50 when he earns so much more than you? That seems completely bizarre to me and I would think even if you went back to work full time, surely he should be paying MORE of the bills otherwise your disposable incomes must be completely out of whack?

As for the hours issue, it's difficult if he doesn't agree to it. But I would certainly make sure it's clear that if you go back full time the childcare costs go up.

Also it’s not about doubting his commitment… it’s having your own back covered if the worst was to happen (cheating/splitting up). You’ll be entitled to far more of his salary/pension etc (which you’ve lost by going part time) if you were married. Otherwise he’ll have a lovely retirement and yours will be shit.

We tried doing percentage of salaries when we first met. What we do now is have a joint account where the salaries are paid into and used for all bills and expenses. Then we have personal accounts, and each month a direct debit goes into those for £100 each which we can spend on whatever we want without question from the other (or save it). This will obviously vary depending on your household budget.

@Jeje100sorry but I think you’ve made a mistake here. I was in a similar position and unmarried. We split up after 16 years. Please push to get married/civil partnership because you are doing yourself no favours here. You are the one who will take the hit financially in terms of income and pension. You will be entitled to nothing from him if you split up, while his savings and pension grow. I wouldn’t cut your working hours down by half in this position, I went to a 4 day week and my pension/savings were seriously disadvantaged. I would keep my hours up but I’d be arguing that the joint account needs to be proportionate. He’s obviously quite tight/money oriented/call it what you will. I completely understand that you want to spend time with your baby but you need the security of marriage before making that leap.

Will housework, cooking, nursery runs, childcare be 50-50 too?
or will you be expected to contribute more in those areas but not reduce your financial input?