Finances post baby - how would you split?

No, the common theme is that society doesn't see childcare as work when it absolutely is

I have often thought there should be some kind f mandatory simulation completed before anyone marries/procreates!

Yet still I feel in this case OP would have been "yep done that"....and still gone on to do as they wanted.

"Unilaterally makes the decision" vs "knows fine well other half will not be arsed with any of the parenting".

It's not a decision made in a vacuum in many cases.

I have often thought there should be some kind f mandatory simulation completed before anyone marries/procreates!

All money goes into one account and all bills are paid from there.

Nice for you to focus on being a parent so he can opt out of that responsibility and STILL expect 50:50 financial split eh

Such a common theme that parenting is exclusively hands on care……in reality for responsible adults a massive part of parenting is providing financially for their children. If it’s not my job as a parent, whose job is it?

Exactly how each couple splits their dual
parenting responsibilities of hands on care and paying for their children to live will vary, but both remain absolutely clearly parenting responsibilities.

@MojoMoon nails it.

Op, please take @MojoMoon advice.
In your shoes I would not have cut hours of work without discussion.
I suspect you are more financially vulnerable than you realise.

PLEASE think about your pension.

Don't put it off or think that is something to worry about in the future.

You aren't married. So your legal position is much weaker when you split. You won't be entitled to any of his pension.

So let's say he leaves you in ten years time. You will have put almost nothing in your pension in that decade since you are working part time and don't appear bothered about career progression

In that decade, he and his employer will have contributed significant amounts based on a full time salary plus promotions, career progression.

You will have some child support for a few years and some split of the gain in the house but once the kid is 18, you will be on a low income, struggle to rebuild a career because you've not done much in a decade and with a low pension pot. You will be poor in your old age while he will very comfortably off

I'm not being dramatic. This is what happens to women.

With the salary you are earning, you must maximise your pension contributions from it even if it means you have less take home pay now. He should pick up the slack from that.
He should also be contributing to your own private pension fund each month that you are doing the majority of domestic labour in your household.

My other piece of advice is get married - nip down town hall and just do it with two random witnesses. You don't need to spend any money on it beyond the licence fee and registrar fee.

Legalities aside, which I'm sure the OP knew well before she had a baby with him...any sensible person would.....

There are literally dozens and dozens of posts on the relationship board where people haven't given any though to legalities and end up shits creek. It would appear there are plenty of insensible around.

I went back to work 3 days a week, my partner earns about 3 times my wage so naturally he was happy to pay the majority of the house bills etc, we also don't put our whole salaries in to the joint account, we each put a set amount in to cover the mortgage and bills, I think it's only fair for them to pay more when your sacrificing your career more to save on child costs

Legalities aside, which I'm sure the OP knew well before she had a baby with him...any sensible person would.....

Maybe your second paragraph is the reason he won't marry...

As a PP said his loyalties at the moment lie with his baby and his bank.

This.
We just had one pot. We put in what we earned, took out what we needed. Discussed our financial plans regularly.

Why is the ball in his court?
Why can't you decide this as a couple?

This doesn’t really work though when one unilaterally makes the decision to cut back on working

I'm pro joint accounts, with matching savings from the pot.

Ever since me and dh lived together all our money went into one account.
I took on the role of paying all the bills, sort out the savings and pensions and our fun money ( there were a few years when there was no fun money!)
I had more time to do it and I am better at managing money.

If you are one family I don't like the idea that just because one person is such a high earner they can have much more disposable money to play around with than someone on a lower income.
The person on the lower income is usually the one keeping everything going from child care to housework and their own job.

Throughout our 35 years together there have been times when Dh has earned more than me, times when I've been the sole earner due to redundancy and times when we've been about the same. We treat each other equally.

I fully understand not everyone thinks marruage is important.

But it is important to the op. Plus it does give legal and financial rights to a lower earner or parent choosing to go pt.

Agree that op needs to discuss with partner tho and not just make decision alone

As said not everyone thinks marriage is important..

Maybe he has his own reasons.

Maybe he feels he has no say in joint decision making, as proved in this case here, and wants some control over his own life and financial affairs.

None of us will know until he himself tells.

We are not married & one thing I think is really important in that case is to keep everything equal.

We put all our money into a joint account & allow ourselves equal spending money. When ds1 was small, we both worked full-time but on different days. When ds2 was little, we both worked part-time, again different days with a shared day off. If anything had happened, we would both have been OK.

You do need to think very carefully & make sure you are both on the same page & that you will not be disadvantaged. I wouldn't work part-time if not married unless I earned a lot of money doing so or we both did.

You have a child together, joint bank account

Do not reduce your hours without marriage.

I'm not married to my kids dad, but it's fine because I'm a higher earner and would be fine if we split. I've never stepped back in my career, stayed full time throughout.

The negatives of going part time compound hugely in pension and saving terms, it's massive. Have you actually done the maths? Not just the monthly bills, what the real long term impact to your retirement will be.

You need to have a serious conversation with him, if you're hellbent on shooting yourself in the foot career wise, then ensure you're making extra pension contributions, paying bills proportional to income and ideally get married.

How much would he be paying out for a nanny/childcare for his child/baby if you weren’t around?

you really need to fact this into your equation when it comes to splitting the bills etc

dies he want to drop a day to 4 days and be with baby?

Your DP does realise if you go back full time and you have to pay 5 days of childcare that he will still be losing some of his wages to that?

You think he'll be prepared to contribute?

But I do think OP should keep maximising her earnings and pension, i have a feeling she'll need them down the line.

Another one.
OP you're unmarried and the lower warmer and you've now had a baby with the guy, who clearly isn't massively up for sharing.
Why do women keep falling into this trap? I bet the baby got his surname too.

Half the child care is likely a cheaper option than losing half a wage.