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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to contribute to OH relatives funeral?

135 replies

easterhun · 10/04/2025 15:47

So basically my partners grandparent passed away a few weeks ago.

MIL dosent have any money as she relies on benefits and OH’s uncles and aunts don’t have a lot of money spare at such short notice and all have families etc to support.

OH has asked me if I could contribute towards the cost of the funeral as the family simply cant afford it, he will be donating what he can to the funeral.

I have never met this grandparent as the last decade or so he was in residential care due to various health problems.

When OH asked me I said yes without even really thinking about it.

We moved into a house 8 months ago and there are jobs that he/his friends were supposed to do and they have still not been done so I have had to pay a handyman to do them now so my kids have a nice safe house.

This is costing me hundreds and I am paying for
it myself so I have had to tell OH I can’t afford to pay towards the funeral and now he isn’t talking to me and making me feel so bad.

I have brought the kids £100 worth of Easter gifts/baskets and he complained that is too much money and that money could of gone towards the funeral.
OH rarely ever treats the kids and is always telling me off for spending too much money on them despite it being my own money.

AIBU to backtrack on donating towards the funeral?

OP posts:
Naunet · 10/04/2025 16:00

He sounds like a lazy, entitled prick. It's not your job to pay for someone funeral that you've never even met, of course your priority is your kids. What is this man adding to your life?

Original poster
easterhun · 10/04/2025 15:59

We have 4 kids and it’s just personalised baskets, Easter eggs and a few toys really.
The last set of baskets got lost when we moved home.

OH is saying the funeral will be like £5,000 and not including the cost of the wake.

His mom is on benefits but I think her siblings work.

OP posts:
Original poster
easterhun · 10/04/2025 15:56

Yes OH is very lazy, he dosent parent our kids and I do everything.

He earns way more than me as well, like triple.

The flat packs have been sat here for months, he won’t even put a curtain rail up in our youngest sons room.

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 10/04/2025 15:56

YANBU not to contribute to the funeral.

YABU to have spent such a daft amount on your kids for Easter. An Easter egg used to be the appropriate gift.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/04/2025 15:55

I think the £100 on Easter gifts is a total red herring, @easterhun. Even if you hadn’t spent that much, £100 is a drop in the ocean of funeral costs.

I don’t think you are doing anything wrong by prioritising your home and your family.

SadCarpetMess · 10/04/2025 15:55

Your partner's grandparent's funeral is not your concern. It sounds to me as if he's massively taking advantage of you.

ARichtGoodDram · 10/04/2025 15:54

If your MIL is on benefits and js the one responsible for the funeral then she can claim a Funeral Expenses Payment from the DWP. It won't cover everything but it's something she can do if she gets the right benefits

justkeepswimingswiming · 10/04/2025 15:53

sorry But if there’s no money, then he’ll have to have a paupers funeral with nobody there and be cremated. That’s just how it is.

Mlb123 · 10/04/2025 15:51

Yes I think it's fine . Tell your husband that instead of giving you 50 towards the eggs he can pay that to the funeral . If he still objects then looks like he only expects your money back be used to pay towards it considering it was your money you spent on eggs yet he's griping could have gone to the funeral costs! Xx

WhereIsMyJumper · 10/04/2025 15:50

YANBU not to want to contribute but you shouldn’t really have agreed to begin with.
Your DH sounds lazy if you’ve had to pay to handy men.
I also wouldn’t even consider spending that much money on kids for Easter, personally, but they’re your kids and it’s your money