To not want to contribute to OH relatives funeral?

Can it be paid for in instalments, some funeral homes accept this

Not sure if restaurants / bars ( wake) do though

Why, when your DH earns 3 times what you do, is he asking YOU to pay towards the funeral? The question should be from
him to you “can WE as a family afford to contribute?”. If you don’t have joint finances then he shouldn’t even consider asking you to contribute. If he’s saying he can’t afford to contribute because he’s been “caring” for another grandparent then, in that case, your family can’t afford to contribute.

And why is he caring for a grandparent when he doesn’t do any of the caring responsibilities for his own fecking CHILDREN??????

Also, £25 per child for Easter doesn’t really seem that crazy in this day and age.

OP the state will pay for the funeral or at least a good 50% of it if there are no funds. It wouldn't be a fancy one though, very basic. You can also do pure cremation now so no funeral as such but only pay for the cremated remains. Think it's about 1k. However I understand most people would like a funeral to say goodbye but if no one is happy to pay then what else can you do.

I paid about 5k for my husband's funeral - Co-op.

My neighbour also used the Co-op. I was with her when she spoke to the undertaker. It was less than 2k.

Differences: no flowers for the neighbour, whereas I had them for my husband; no cortege for the neighbour; my neighbour couldn't choose the time of the service; a C of Scotland minister took the service (no charge) for her, whereas the cost of my husband's funeral included a humanist celebrant and also a piper on entrance and exit. I think that the neighbour possibly had a cheaper coffin.

Both services took place at the local crematorium. Surely the OH's family members should be able to split the cost of a funeral that comes in at less than 2K? The relative doesn't have an insurance policy?

ETA 8 children? So £200+ from each child then.

Well they can't have the funeral they want if they can't afford it. It might be a good reminder to some of your OH's family to look at investing in funeral plans. I think it's a shame you agreed to contribute without considering whether you could actually afford to (and £25 per child for Easter seems excessive) but you are under no obligation to pay. A burial will cost more than a cremation. The actual service can be performed by anyone.

5k is an expensive funeral.

my dad died recently and we didn’t pay that much.

sounds like they want bells and whistles.

Ridiculous comment. Of course the OP is within her rights to spend HER money on her living kids rather than his dead relatives.

Indeed.

If the deceased had eight children and god knows how many grandchildren, presumably someone who actually shares her DNA has some money in their bank account?

Of all the people in the family who could contribute, why are YOU being asked?

If her EIGHT children wanted to give their dear old mum a decent send off, they should have saved more than £750 between them. That's absolutely pathetic.

Mind you, although it's not nice to speak ill of the dead, it sounds like all she has really taught them is to have way more children than you can afford and expect other people to pay your way. Like mother, like children, like grandchildren, apparently.

This is not your circus, not your monkeys, not your problem.

Your problem is that you have had four kids with a complete waster.

Your OH is pulling a fast one here OP! I am a Funeral Celebrant and do 5-10 funerals a week. Unless they are being upsold (which isn’t necessary!) a standard cremation will not be any more than £3,500 (and this will include FDs fees, celebrant or minister and all associated professional fees).

You can do it much cheaper than this if you go with someone like Aura or Pure Cremations. Some will do a ‘direct cremation + attendance’ for less than £1500, which is a direct cremation but will allow a small number of attendees and a short (usually 20 minute) ceremony with a celebrant.

A wake is not compulsory and you could quite simply all go off to a local pub and raise a glass afterwards at no expense other than your own beers!

We all need to cut our cloth to suit our purse!

In an absolute bind, your OH will need to arrange a simple direct cremation, which he can do for under a thousand pounds.

yanbu to say no to paying towards the funeral. Yabu to spend that much on Easter - wtf it’s not another Christmas or birthday. £10 max per child is plenty.

Why are you with this waste of oxygen? Don't pay a penny towards this funeral.

Presents don't make up for an uninterested father.

DH’s funeral last year cost £6,600 including the gathering afterwards at a local pub. We had all the bells and whistles including horses. I’m sure it can be done much cheaper than £5,000 before you even include the gathering

Your partner's whole family sounds like generations of feckless wasters and he seems to be continuing the pattern. 8 children who can only drum up £750 between them, absolutely appalling.

How did the deceased grandmother imagine her funeral would be paid for if neither she or any of her children had any money to pay for it?

Burial costs more than cremation, and no one needs" a good send off" with a wake, especially when they can't afford one. Do they think a magic funeral fairy is going to turn up with at least 4k more to fund all this?

Stick to your guns and refuse to pay anything. She has 8 children, let them sort it out, nothing to do with you.

Also get rid of your lazy useless partner, he's bringing nothing to your life, you already do everything anyway so it won't make much difference to your life being alone.

8 adult kids can only chip in just under 100 each?

Family of losers and grifters. Run!

OH has just said that they defo want her buried and have a wake afterwards and give her a good send off.

We can all "want" all sorts of things, but it doesn't necessarily mean we can have them.
If that is so important to the family, then why haven't they all been putting aside £1 a week over the last 10 years ?
Why on earth do they think someone else should fund their "wants" ?

They absolutely can't afford a burial and a wake.

Do not contribute anything to this. Your partner doesn't pull his weight, either financially or with his own children so you owe him and his family absolutely nothing.

My MIL put her husbands funeral on a payment plan that lasted a couple of years she was paper on low income

you could offer to cater / host the wake to be kind if you felt so inclined as a few platters of sandwiches and cakes can be done for £ 200

make sure you both have funeral plans

Tell your OH to get back to work

They could go for a direct funeral via the local directors , small wake if wanted at home
fiednt need to cost that much

I haven't read the whole thread so I'm sorry if this has already been said. I'm a Probate Paralegal, so have dealt with a lot of funerals in my time.

Firstly, if the grandparent does have money, just OH wants you to contribute until money is available, then you'll be pleased to know you can ask grandparent's bank to pay the funeral invoice directly.

Secondly, if the grandparent has no money, then you can get a very nice Public Health funeral. I saw a PP say it would be a pauper's funeral that no one can attend, but that's not true. Public Health funerals can still have people attend for a small service.

Your partner is a knob. If he earns so much why does he want money from you? Is he financially abusive? Do you have a house? Whose name is it in?