To not want to contribute to OH relatives funeral?

He charges you for petrol if he needs to drive you somewhere!!

Is a sports Audi a particularly practical and useful car for life with 4 children?

He sounds like an egotistical manchild with ridiculous priorities (flash car, being the big I am and fronting cash for his waster family) while not acting in the best interests of his children (safe house, decent meals, sharing the parenting, child friendly days out and occasional treats). Dont even get started on demanding petrol money and funeral funding. Can he not see how stupid the situation is?

It's taken 4 children and 12 years and you still don't seem to appreciate what a waste of space he is.

If he sells his sports Audi he could buy a secondhand car which doesn't guzzle so much gas and which can actually fit all his children in it and he will probably have enough money left over to pay for his granny's funeral.

There.

Problem solved.

I hope your next step towards evening the balance is to boot him out. He’s not a dad or a partner.

I don’t have a car at the minute and every time I want a lift somewhere he charges me petrol money because it is one of those Sports Audi

Jesus fucking Christ! Why, why, WHY, are you with this man?

The father of your four children who doesn't pay his way and wants you to pay for his grandmother's funeral charges you petrol money?

Why are you even with him?

My neighbour had a none attendance funereal we didn't even know that was 1000

I’d tell him that your savings went on employing the handyman who was needed to make your home safe, so you no longer have the money available.

Are you also paying all mortgage/bills if your OH has given up work to care for other GP? Why are the wider family not pulling their weight?

Of course they do but they can't afford it!

With your updates they can't afford the funeral they want and will have to cut their cloth accordingly.

This is not your problem to solve.

If you wanted to have a booze up I'm sure plenty of places will give you a reserved space and dish up some free cocktail sausages etc... if you guarantee a large-ish gathering on a weekday afternoon. This does not need to cost the family money or certainly not a lot! Of course it's always easier to spend other people's money - Don't do it OP!!

Edit: FFS fat fingers 🤬

I think you say ‘I am contributing to the funeral, I’ve paid your share of getting the furniture built, Easter, last Christmas and will be doing all their birthdays. I’m quite broke actually from covering your share of lots of things to free up your money to cover the funeral, I’ve been very generous. But if you disagree you’re welcome to pay your half .

Something similar happened to a friend of mine.

MIL died after several years of illness, her and husband on benefits, saved nothing. Grown son lived with them, earned plenty, contributed nothing.
They also wanted a ridiculous big funeral. BIL declared he was skint (probably lying) friends BF didn’t have much. In the end my friends MUM paid for it and they set up a payment plan.
Friend had to harass FIL to tell him to tell funeral home he was skint and to look for assistance.

She said when he dies it will happen all over again.

theres lots of places you can get money for funerals from, people of this generation were often in the forces or police or other public sector jobs and thier associations have hardship funds for the employee and spouse also miners have a fund. There are other charities too, if you partner and you don’t have the money your contribution could be to find these sources, if he was in residencial care their will likely be social services involved that will have a raft of information for you, but find out what they did for a living even a short spell in the army and the British legion will help with advice if not more.

Surely the wake could be held in a family home. If they're short of money, sandwiches and cup of tea would be fine for most folk - unless by 'good send off' they mean 'booze up at OP's expense'.

Surely one of them with a job can take out a loan? That’s what one of my close friends had to do. He took a £5k loan to pay for the funeral and several of us close to him jointly paid for the wake.

You could offer as a couple to pay the same amount as the 8 siblings, so less than £100.

you should not be paying more.

some good advice on thread about government funding.

Extraordinary to spend so much on Easter baskets, but it's your choice. I can't see why you would contribute to OH's relative's funeral when he earns so much more than you. Or why the funeral has to be that expensive. There will be cheaper ways to arrange it if the deceased relative and immediate family made no arrangements.

We have just had three family members funerals, practically one after the other. One was cremation and the wake was at a fancy hotel with afternoon tea catered for 80 and a first drink, with two of the limo family cars and lots of flowers. All in it was 5800.

The next two had wakes just at a community hall with a buffet but needed to pay for burial and gravestone (plot already paid for) and they were 5k each.

I'm struggling to understand where he's getting 5k without the wake cost from.

If he earns more than you and doesn't pay towards his kids he's being hugely unreasonable. You need to put a claim in to the council for help towards funeral costs.

If the family cannot afford a traditional funeral, they can arrange what is known as a Direct Cremation, this will be a very much cheaper option for them. The funeral director or the local council will have information about how to do this. This is especially relevant since they have another relative in very poor health.

I don't think you should contribute to the funeral costs, you are already being taken advantage of financially.

I know this isn't the main topic but "Your DH sounds lazy if you've had to pay handy men" is a very sexist comment. It's 2025.

YANBU! I can't believe that with the deceased relative having 8 children (and probably many more grandchildren!), there's not enough in the kitty to pay for a funeral. You paid for work to be done on the house as you were let down by your OH and his mates, so why should you pay towards a funeral? It's crazy!

Like PP have said, a simple direct cremation and then everyone can head off to the nearest pub for some drinks (or someone can host a small gathering at their place, to raise a glass). My parents' funerals were around the £5K mark each - but they wanted to be buried and therefore planned/sorted their funerals (and money for it was from their estate) and they bought a family plot at the local cemetery. My friends parents wanted direct cremations (around the £1200 mark) I'm no millionaire, but my life insurance plan (to be paid to DC when I die) has additional allowances for my funeral costs (£5K, but I don't care if I'm cremated or buried! My DC could do a direct cremation and then blow the rest on a nice wake) and for paying off any personal debts (£20K earmarked - I don't have any debts, thank the Lord, but it's there, just in case!). If people are so insistent on how they want a funeral, they'd do well to ensure they plan it and sort it beforehand!

I don’t understand. If he earns triple than you why can’t he afford to pay more? Why is he asking you?

don’t do it.