Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was there a spark here?

90 replies

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 14:45

Hi all.

Man here, hope this is okay.

So I am a university student who had a morning off the other day, and thought I would go and grab a coffee at the Costa in our local shopping centre. Had my phone with me and thought I would sit and watch a few TikTok's and videos and generally relax.

I walk through the entrance, which is open-plan, as it is in a shopping centre so you can simply walk in and out, am sure you have seen the type. I walk in and look for a free table, there a few mums with buggies chatting and older couples, typical for this kind of day in coffee shops.

I find a free table and sit facing inwards towards the cafe, and the majority of the tables, and from the minute I sit down I notice this young woman looking at me (she is facing outwards on a single table, I am facing inwards a few tables down) but we are clearly in each other's eye line despite the other tables around us full of people.

From the minute we made eye contact I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was. Being honest with you, once our eyes met I felt these amazing butterflies inside and almost felt slightly giddy! I can't remember the last time I felt this way looking at a woman.

Anyway, I add sugar to my coffee and begin to eat my cake, sitting and scrolling on my phone, and a couple of minutes later I look up and scan the room aimlessly, and in doing so our eyes meet again. Neither of us smiled (I was definitely too nervous to) but I just felt something. Our eyes met and neither of us looked away, or looked freaked out, or anything like that, it just felt like we were both experiencing "a moment`".

She was sitting working on her laptop, I am assuming she was a uni student as she looked a similar age to me, but could also be working (not as a student, I only make that assumption as it is a student town and her age, which looked similar to mine).

As the minutes go by, and I eat my cake and drink my coffee, it just seemed that more and more, we were taking every opportunity to make eye contact across the room. A couple of times I pretended to just be looking around, but in reality was trying to make eye contact, and every time our eyes met, they met. Neither of us looked away instinctively.

If anyone has ever had a moment like this before, you will relate to my thought process of "how can I approach her? Will I never see her again?" We made eye contact a few more times again as I was finishing my coffee and begun a phone conversation with a family member, and this time I physically blushed. She didn't , but I would be surprised if she didn't notice!

Midway through the phone conversation, I looked up for her again, and we had another few-second moment. Little did I know this would be the last time - as the person I was on the phone with asked me to read something from a book I had with me, and whilst doing this I did not notice that she had finished her coffee and food, had packed her laptop up, and had left.

Due to the time of day, if she was a uni student, it is likely that she was on her way there.

However, in hindsight, I do wonder whether or not you feel we had a connection. Obviously 'love at first sight' is impossible as we don't know each other, however I truly believe we had a connection you don't have with the vast majority of strangers you see.
If that was the case, and she liked the look of me too, I can't think of how either of us could have approached each other in a busy Costa setting? How could that have happened?

This whole situation happened over the course of 45 minutes or so.

Whatever it was or it wasn't, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it over the past few days and hope that we will see each other in some future context if anything was meant to be.

Enjoy the sunshine everyone!

OP posts:
TheArcher · 10/04/2025 17:09

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 17:05

I also remember a thread on here where a lady liked a man she saw working at a supermarket and virtually everyone on there told her how creepy she was, despite the innocence of her post.

The 'Netters will find anyone - (man, woman, tree, rabbit, duck), creepy if they so incline.

Maybe that’s because it is creepy.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 10/04/2025 17:09

I work in a coffee shop. People approach other people all the time. I’ve seen loads of friendships made by different regulars. (And fallouts. Keeps us in gossip, lots of tea spilt in coffee shops!)
There would be nothing wrong with going up to her table and making it clear why you were looking. As long as you accepted whatever answer she gave you with good grace!

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 17:05

I also remember a thread on here where a lady liked a man she saw working at a supermarket and virtually everyone on there told her how creepy she was, despite the innocence of her post.

The 'Netters will find anyone - (man, woman, tree, rabbit, duck), creepy if they so incline.

OP posts:
Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 17:02

TheArcher · 10/04/2025 17:00

Honestly, you’re obsessing over “a look”. It’s weird. You didn’t have the nerve to go over and now the chance is gone. Just because she looked at you does not mean it was “a moment” for her too.

Anything is 'weird' on Mumsnet if people on the thread want it to be. I'm only writing so much about it to either answer people's questions or rebuff the passive-aggression.

OP posts:
Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 17:00

Roundaboot · 10/04/2025 16:58

I would really love to hear this from the girl's perspective as you're making a hell of a lot of assumptions about what she must have felt, what her actions meant etc. Bottom line is, none of us were that girl and none of us were there. Next time, make a polite approach at the time if you fancy someone and stop obsessing over strangers. It really is quite creepy.

Edited

I just type things in detail as that is how my mind works. I'm very considered and often type that down.

OP posts:
TheArcher · 10/04/2025 17:00

Honestly, you’re obsessing over “a look”. It’s weird. You didn’t have the nerve to go over and now the chance is gone. Just because she looked at you does not mean it was “a moment” for her too.

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 16:59

ShowOfHands · 10/04/2025 16:57

Does your university teach Hamlet? There's a quote I think you'll like from the Bard:

"Brevity is the soul of wit."

Which cake did you choose? Drink? What were you wearing?

I'm not sure, I don't study English!

I had a carrot cake and a decaf latte. I was wearing jeans and a light blue hoodie

OP posts:
Roundaboot · 10/04/2025 16:58

I would really love to hear this from the girl's perspective as you're making a hell of a lot of assumptions about what she must have felt, what her actions meant etc. Bottom line is, none of us were that girl and none of us were there. Next time, make a polite approach at the time if you fancy someone and stop obsessing over strangers. It really is quite creepy.

ShowOfHands · 10/04/2025 16:57

Does your university teach Hamlet? There's a quote I think you'll like from the Bard:

"Brevity is the soul of wit."

Which cake did you choose? Drink? What were you wearing?

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 16:56

TheArcher · 10/04/2025 16:49

Romance? She didn’t even smile at you. Have you ever even kissed a girl?

Not everyone smiles when nervous. We are not a hive species.

OP posts:
IdaGlossop · 10/04/2025 16:56

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 16:07

I saw it as common sense to ask a women's forum to be honest!😅 I wanted to know:
a) whether women felt the attraction was mutual
b) whether it was okay to go to her table and approach her (if a similar scenario occurred in the future
c) the best way to start a conversation in that context

I wouldn't get great advice asking most men these things😂

a. No way of knowing if the attraction was mutual.
b. Fine to go over to a women's table when it's in a public place.
C. A more difficult question. So many possible answers. 'Hello. Do you mind if I sit down?' 'Do you mind me asking - do you work or are you a student? I can see you are busy on your laptop.' 'Hi. I'm X.' and offer your hand. (A bit bolder) 'I'm going to have another coffee. Can I get one for you too?'

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 16:55

TheArcher · 10/04/2025 16:51

I once accidentally made eye contact with an old man on the bus. Do you think he could’ve been my soulmate?

Apples and oranges. Read me thread and you'd know why.

Stop being so black-and-white.

OP posts:
Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 16:54

TheArcher · 10/04/2025 16:49

Romance? She didn’t even smile at you. Have you ever even kissed a girl?

I have, yes.

Read what I have said, not what you'd like it to say.

Romantic situations, in any context, if they do turn out to be romantic, begin with two human beings making eye contact with each other.

If she was really as creeped out as you say, she would have frowned at me, made a big deal out of turning away, really screwed me out to intimidate me and make me leave her alone, made some non verbal cue to me to look away (such as hiding her face behind something, gesturing with her hands for me to look away), physically changed tables to get away from me, anything. Use your imagination.

Threads where people have made eye contact like we did and had a 'moment' even crop up on Mumsnet from time to time (yes, even on here). I wasn't the first and I won't be the last.

OP posts:
JaneJeffer · 10/04/2025 16:52

TheArcher · 10/04/2025 16:51

I once accidentally made eye contact with an old man on the bus. Do you think he could’ve been my soulmate?

You missed out @TheArcher

TheArcher · 10/04/2025 16:51

I once accidentally made eye contact with an old man on the bus. Do you think he could’ve been my soulmate?

TheArcher · 10/04/2025 16:49

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 16:48

So, if you were in a bar, or in any other social place where men and women sometimes meet, would you still find it 'creepy af' if a men and women kept locking eyes? Personally, I would find it 'creepy af' if I was approached by someone that had never looked anywhere near me, and did not look at me as they did so. THAT would be 'creepy af'.

Many on here met their husbands through lots of eye contact first, followed by an approach. That is called romance. That is how it works.

It would be creepy af if I approached, she said no, and I didn't accept that.

Romance? She didn’t even smile at you. Have you ever even kissed a girl?

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 16:49

AgnesX · 10/04/2025 16:46

If I thought that some guy who kept on catching my eye thought that I was encouraging him and that we were having a moment I'd definitely be cringe.

Did she smile? No. If she was keen she'd have smiled. This sounds like someone's attempt at romantic fiction.

Not everybody smiles when nervous. People are different. There is no 'one size fits all approach'.

OP posts:
Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 16:48

TheArcher · 10/04/2025 16:44

It definitely sounds creepy af. She was wondering why you kept staring.

Edited

So, if you were in a bar, or in any other social place where men and women sometimes meet, would you still find it 'creepy af' if a men and women kept locking eyes? Personally, I would find it 'creepy af' if I was approached by someone that had never looked anywhere near me, and did not look at me as they did so. THAT would be 'creepy af'.

Many on here met their husbands through lots of eye contact first, followed by an approach. That is called romance. That is how it works.

It would be creepy af if I approached, she said no, and I didn't accept that.

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 10/04/2025 16:47

Oh god

Man here
Just no, get over yourself

AgnesX · 10/04/2025 16:46

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 16:40

Well that's you. I can think of things I'd rather cringe over quite frankly

If I thought that some guy who kept on catching my eye thought that I was encouraging him and that we were having a moment I'd definitely be cringe.

Did she smile? No. If she was keen she'd have smiled. This sounds like someone's attempt at romantic fiction.

TheArcher · 10/04/2025 16:44

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 16:42

I won't bite. Most on here understand the situation and know there was nothing 'creepy' at all. From a romance point of view, how do you think humans first notice each other?

It definitely sounds creepy af. She was wondering why you kept staring.

Shirkingly · 10/04/2025 16:42

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 16:39

It's quite sweet to think she would just be glad I went over to be honest😊

Well, she might be delighted. She might not be, but that’s just life, and the risk you take when you ask someone out. Next time it happens, or if you see her around again, take the risk.

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 16:42

TheArcher · 10/04/2025 16:40

There’s probably a girl somewhere posting about the creepy dude in the cafe who kept staring at her.

I won't bite. Most on here understand the situation and know there was nothing 'creepy' at all. From a romance point of view, how do you think humans first notice each other?

OP posts:
Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 16:40

AgnesX · 10/04/2025 16:37

If I was the girl and read this I'd be cringing with embarrassment frankly.

Well that's you. I can think of things I'd rather cringe over quite frankly

OP posts:
TheArcher · 10/04/2025 16:40

There’s probably a girl somewhere posting about the creepy dude in the cafe who kept staring at her.

Swipe left for the next trending thread