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Original poster

To tell child not to be in any photos without her sister

635 replies

SpanishFork · 10/04/2025 12:17

I have issues with my in-laws excluding my eldest daughter who is my husband’s stepdaughter from photographs. This upsets my eldest.

BiL has two sets of children with the elder ones in their twenties, I saw FiL talking to one of them and the nephew then chatted to the elder siblings and cousins and they then took turns to take photos. When my eldest took the photos instructions were given to her and it is ALWAYS these photos that appear at in-laws so pictures of bio grandchildren without my daughter.

On Easter Saturday can I instruct my five year old not to stand in any photos with her cousins without her sister?

OP posts:
bloominora · 10/04/2025 12:23

Your eldest daughter is not your in-laws grandchild.

It’s reasonable for them to want photos of their grandchildren all together to display.

It sounds like they’re not excluding her on the day - but rotating the photographer? So she is in some but not others, to still include her at the time.

I don’t think you can ask for more than this, and in my view it’s unreasonable to ban your 5 year old from photos without her sister.

Calliopespa · 10/04/2025 12:22

No it isn’t fair on the 5 year old and will only make her sister feel worse by drawing attention to it all so cack-handedly.

If it’s an issue for your eldest it needs dealing with head-on.

GivingUpFinally · 10/04/2025 12:22

It's not right to put this in your 5 yo. While it's a tricky and hurtful situation. Unfortunately, I cam see both sided to this.

The in laws want pics of their bio grandkids...that's not unreasonable. It's unreasonable if they are fully excluding the eldest. Balance is needed.

You need to address with your husband and see of he can can speak to them or mention it yourself.

SchoolDilemma17 · 10/04/2025 12:21

MidnightPatrol · 10/04/2025 12:19

I don’t think it’s fair to make this your five year olds problem to manage.

If it bothers everyone, you need to address it with your in-laws.

Exactly this. You can’t expect your 5 year old to manage this. How awkward.
you can’t force them to love your DD the same way as their biological grandchildren either. They are not her grandparents and didn’t chose this set-up.

Eenameenadeeka · 10/04/2025 12:20

I think your husband needs to address the issue with his parents/siblings privately beforehand, and let them know that it's important to him that they treat you all as a family and don't exclude your daughter. I don't think it should be on your child to manage the situation.

Hoppinggreen · 10/04/2025 12:20

You are an adult, handle it like and adult by talking to the other adults rather than drag a 5 year old into it
It would be nice if your older child was included and if the in laws are treating her badly then thats not on but at the end of the day she is not their family

Tbrh · 10/04/2025 12:20

I think you're being unfair. Of course the grandparents might want pictures with their grandchild. You are being ridiculous.

Eggsboxedandmelting · 10/04/2025 12:20

Have a huge photo of both dc printed and framed for your ils for Easter... If you genuinely feel dd is left out speak to your dh. My ils have a huge photo of the dgc. My eldest dd is in it.. She isn't biologically their dgc...
If they had snubbed her I would have left dh years before I did..

MidnightPatrol · 10/04/2025 12:19

I don’t think it’s fair to make this your five year olds problem to manage.

If it bothers everyone, you need to address it with your in-laws.

RhiWrites · 10/04/2025 12:18

No, it’s not appropriate to expect a 5 year old to manage this tricky situation. The second an adult says “it’s fine, just take the picture” she will crumble. If this is a problem for you, you need to stand nearby and manage it yourself.