To tell child not to be in any photos without her sister

Totally agree with this. My “step” grandparents have always treated me equally and it would have been devastating as a young child to be pushed aside. Especially when it sounds like they’ve known her from a very young age

No, it's not your child's job to sort this out. It's upsetting that the grandparents don't treat the children equally but you can't force them to. Make sure your DH always includes his step child and that they may encourage his parents.

Like the other (very similar thread!) So many posters only cared about the 'impact' on the older daughter, and cared nothing for the younger daughter and her thoughts and feelings, again lots opinions like here, that it's 'tough luck' and she should accept not seeing or having a paternal grandparents/extended family relationship because that's what her mum demands.

If the op and her dh split if the op and her in-laws want to remain in contact they can. Not the same with a minor.

Also op’s not in this photo either it’s grandchildren, I’m sure there are probably photos of just their children without partners too.

This!! Their behaviour is awful but you need to manage it!

The op isn’t a blood relative either so what is the difference?

Definitely inappropriate to ask a 5 year old to manage the situation! How about putting them in matching/ complementary outfits/ cute bunny ears? Something to make them look more like a pair that may encourage photos of them together?

You have your own family, they have their own family. You can't force your way into somebody else's family. Not you, obviously, but your eldest child. They are not her family.

Op ignore this comment

As I’ve said before the younger child would go with her father to family events. That way she doesn’t miss out and her sister can do something fun with mum so she doesn’t miss out either

i suppose it depends if the photos are on show. My dd was in a long term relationship with someone, although never lived together. We took lots of photos as he came on holidays with us. Some were so lovely that we enlarged and hung them on our walls. When they split, acrimoniously, my dd obviously wanted the pictures taking down. Which was a shame as a couple of the pictures had my late father on them, and we didn’t have many of him. Maybe your in-laws just want some with their dgd in case anything happens.

" I don't have dsc" .... You have a lot of opinions about something you no nothing about then

All this talk I see on here of how grandparents shouldn’t be forced to love or accept step children is absolute bullshit.

When you get together with someone you expect them to be accepted into your family. And frequently when the in-laws won’t accept the new partner posters post here that the husband should have her back and stand up to his family.

So when you get together with someone who has children then those children come as part of the package. And if the grandparents refuse to accept those then it should be down to their child to have those children’s backs.

Why is it that family should have to accept adults on pain of being disconnected, but it’s ok to reject children on the basis that “well they have grandparents of their own.”

It really isn’t ok.

Now if the children are older teenagers who have just come into the family then it’s understandable that for now the relationship is different.

But if they have grown up as part of the family, if the biological grandchildren are their siblings, then absolutely the grandparents should be treating them the same, especially when it comes to things like family photo’s. They are a part of the family. The end.

I don’t have DSC, but I can categorically say that my parents would have treated them the same, and I know that my ILs treat my eXH’s DSC the same. And if my parents didn’t then they wouldn’t be having a relationship with my children either.

Surely that doesn’t mean constantly making a child feel out of place at a family gathering? Asking them to take photos of “the blood relatives” is way past the mark.

It's entirely different. An adopted child becomes part of the family and remains so. If a relationship that involves a step child breaks up, the family that took them into their hearts, loses them.

My granddaughter is struggling with the fact that she used to have a cousin, and now she doesn't. Her uncle's step child was treated as family, loved and included in everything. And now, overnight, someone they loved has disappeared from their lives.

Step families are supposed to treat step-members as family, but if the relationship ends, they can have no expectation of that familial relationship continuing.

She can be given a choice surely? Do you want to go and see grandparents with dad or stay with me and sister? Families don’t have to be glued together 24/7

And what about the younger daughter? Has she to go with the father or stay home with mother and older sister?

the thing is though, (not always but more often than not) step kids and half-siblings have another family, too.

It’s all very well for your husband to think this as it’s not happening to him or his child. You need to tell him you are not going to attend family functions anymore because you are going to save your daughter from further hurt and if he doesn’t like it tough

Be that as it may it doesn’t change the fact that OP’s daughter has her own set of grandparents. No one can force the in laws to act as an extra set.

The GPs aren't doing anything wrong by wanting a photo with their grandchildren only, and you are being very unreasonable to use your 5 yes old as a weapon in a silly war with your in laws. I feel sorry for them 🤷‍♀️

The photo thing is mean. I have been in that situation as an adult and struggled with how it made me feel never mind being a child in that situation.

I think some people believe you are only family if there is a blood connection. Do the in-laws get you a birthday gift?

It seems to me that a lot of people on this thread are far more concerned with the feelings of the step grandparents than they are with the feelings
of a 9 year old child.

I can see if you thought the child wasn't going to be around long but now there is a half sibling and an established relationship she should be included in photos.

I think a quiet word to say they are making it a bit obvious your dd is excluded might be worth having plus having some mum daughter time so she isn't there always could work well.

I can see where they’re coming from. My parents don’t have any photos of just their grandchildren as the latest step children had to be included. That meant every few years a child would disappear and a new one appear. Would be nice to just have the grandchildren