To tell child not to be in any photos without her sister

The other thing is eldest DD could choose to build relations with her dad's side when older.
If she inherits from her dad or partenal GPs, would OP expect them to leave something for her youngest too?

Highly likely? I would hope not, I would hope he would still treat her as his daughter, as he currently is! Yes some would stop contact, but I hope most people wouldn’t just dump their daughter (as it seems she is his daughter in all ways apart from biological)

I’m sure she would, if he is her dad in all but biology, I’m sure he wouldn’t just dump her if he split up with her mum!

I'm so glad to read this. I was honestly despairing of people.

Really honestly you think its ok to be like this to a small child .thank goodness this is not our view my eldest grandchild is much adored and loved and she knows it .blood is nothing to do with it .

I agree, it’s a shame more people can’t think this way.

I think some families have weird rules over 'blood' . My ds has NO contact with any of his birth dad's family, at all, ever, their decision.

My now DH has been an amazing dad to him, his family have totally accepted him as grandson/nephew. He now has a stepdaughter who is seen as our GC, and GGD and niece. Our extended family has more blends than a tea merchant! All accepted and all loved. The thought of excluding a known child , for whatever reason, does not sit well with me!

It seems to me that she knows this wasn’t the way to go reading her subsequent posts but there seems to be a piling on from from so many women who seem to relish that this poor child isn’t blood family. it’s unbelievable

This. It seems to be all about.... oh how does elder daughter feel?..... how is this affecting her? Elder daughter isn't being celebrated like we want.. so NO! Younger doesn't get to see her family, her wants and family ties aren't important if they dont centre her sister!! Have previously queried if people who think it's dreadful the eldest daughter isn't centred... do they agree that she shouldn't get to do anything fun with out her younger sister being involved and centred?

You don't think telling a 5 year old to not allow anyone to take any photos of her without her sister is petty? That's not going to help her daughter at all.

It’s not petty to the OP or her daughter.

@Feelinglost10 they may also not even realise she would mind. To be honest, for all we know they might be happy to put a photo of DD up at home if they knew this was really upsetting her. But as I've said quite a bit earlier I don't think that will solve the deeper feelings DD is dealing with.

Without sounding awful it’s not their direct relation so they have every right to not want her in their family photos? I know that’s obviously not nice for you or your child but at the same time they may just genuinely want only their relatives on photos

I remember your other post.

I think it’s awful that they don’t include your oldest daughter. How long have you and your husband been together? If the youngest is 5 then it’s at least 6 years which means eldest was 3/4. I just find it very cold from the in-laws.

This isn't what's happening though. You're talking about the grandparents just showing a little bit of kindness, how have they not done that? It sounds like they DO include all kids that are there at the time, e.g. everyone gets Easter eggs if spending easter together.

There is no reason at all for adults to make this a massive issue that impacts the children in any way.

Edited to add: there shouldn't be any 'sides' to take here. The grandparents aren't taking 'sides', it's petty stuff like OP is suggesting that will make this into a real issue.

And that would bother her because????

Quite honestly the grandparents don't sound very nice if they'd upset a small child and exclude them. I'd probably not be taking any of the sisters to visit them until they stopped being mean to one DC. I was very lucky my in-laws welcomed my 2 DS's with open arms. They always treated them equally to their biological DGC. My DS's are adults now and they regularly go to visit their Nan. At over 80 she gets lots of visitors from DGC and she deserves this because she's always been such a loving Nan to them all. I wish your in-laws were this lovely to your little girl OP. It's so sad that they exclude her.

Actually reading posts by other mums who had restricted or cut contact for the sake of older half siblings feelings 9/10 the younger sibling is pissed at the parent for what they feel is them keeping them from their family by favouring their sibling over them and trying to make their family be the other child’s family.

There has been a few long threads on here from mums all shocked that their adult children as mad as hell with them and their husbands fully backing HIS children.

I don't believe that. If that was her goal, she wouldn't be instigating and shit stirring using a 5 year old child.

OP was going to coach her 5 year old to make a scene over pictures. That's a way to poison the family well for her 5 year old, not to make her eldest feel included.

That's low.

If her ultimate goal was inclusion, she would have married a man whose family included eldest as a part of their larger family.

Or she’ll blame her mother for having, as she sees it, unrealistic and unfair expectations of her family. Or maybe she’ll still have no problem with it and will be fine keeping the two camps separate.

She’s growing up in a family where this type of stepfamily dynamic is completely normal, as evidenced by her own cousins and step cousins. It does not automatically follow that her mother’s problem will become hers, and nor should anyone expect it to.

Because it will affect her relationship with her grandparents. Op will get to the point where she won’t want to take her older daughter to there house any longer. Especially on occasions like Christmas where it would be really obvious that she’s not included as family. This will result in the younger sibling asking (I’m just using a made up scenario here) why she isn’t going to her grandparents at Christmas or why is she going with just her dad and not her mum and sister.. When she grows up and realises that it could all have been avoided by just a little bit of kindness to her sister she then
she May very well question weather she can be bothered with them. Of course she could side with them and not her mum and sister but that seems less likely.

Speak up be an adult.

No one is denying the DDs are half sisters though (though OP and her DD don't like the term I believe?), or that they are each others family. But older DD isn't these people's blood family and these people cannot be forced to take older DD as their grandchild.

You might think they're wrong not to do it, but it doesn't make them 'scum'. Some people make a lot of blood relationships. I have adopted and step DC in my family and all are loved and treated equally, but not all families are the same.

It is older DDs father's family who have let her down, and younger DDs father's family can't be forced to make up for that. I bet OP would feel and behave much differently about these situations, if older DD had an extended family from her father's side like younger DD has.

I don't know any, but if I had a child I'd prepare them for such eventualities.

OP would have seen this early days when it was just her first DD.
If they didn't take interest then, then why would she expect them to suddenly change......

She chose to marry the guy as things were.

I wouldn't be surprised at how people treat step kids as I know people are different.

Why wouldn’t they get that? OP’s youngest may very well have zero problem with it. I’d say that’s more probable tbh, as for her this is normal. Her sister doesn’t have the same paternal grandparents as her, so why would anyone behave differently?

There’s been plenty of threads on here where younger children have ended up resenting their parent, and older half sibling(s), for having that expectation of them, and/or for denying them relationships with their own family members.