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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex wants to take son to new partners

114 replies

Mummaonherown · 10/04/2025 12:03

I know legally he doesn't have to provide an address, however my ex has asked if he can have my son one night and he will stay in his new gf's house (of 5.5 months) with her 3 children.

I would assume that she has a 2 bed so not sure if a bed would be available for him, I asked him if he would be sleeping in a bed and my ex ignored me and then sent a message saying
" It's not your business my new gf's address nor who will be sleeping where, he will be well looked after"

I've never met her, he initially lied about her name and whether she had children or not.
I have since found out that her children spend a lot of time at MGMs house (that's what my ex meant by not in her care)
He's also moved in now, last week.
Previously my ex used to take our son to PGMs house for 1 night EOW but he said now he's moved in he wants our son to stay there.

I haven't said yes or no yet, I'm a little concerned. AIBU to say no

OP posts:

ItsNearlyEaster · 10/04/2025 12:17

SpainToday · 10/04/2025 12:15

OP I would tell the school what's going on. They'll be able to keep an evidence log for you, should you (God forbid) ever need SS involvement ❤️ if he won't cooperate just objectively let the school know what is going on. xx

Will the school really be bothered the child's father has a new girlfriend or wish to keep evidence of it??

I work in a school and we do. Especially if a parent told us that the other parent is hostile and not easy to communicate with. Schools these days have computerised safeguarding records that log anything of concern.

SpainToday · 10/04/2025 12:15

Will the school really be bothered the child's father has a new girlfriend or wish to keep evidence of it??

Original poster

Mummaonherown · 10/04/2025 12:14

@SeventeenClovesOfGarlic I've arranged medation 3 times, he's refused I've sent court papers to his address, told me I'm wasting my time.
He wants to do everything on his terms, if I don't play ball then he makes my life difficult. I'm dealing with narcissistic man sadly

OP posts:

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/04/2025 12:14

If he’s difficult but trustworthy enough to have been the person you chose to father your DC and to have contact with him now, you need to let it wash over you a bit. If he’s trying to play games then he’ll get less satisfaction from you saying “okay, I wish you’d tell me a basic location just so I know where DC is, but I trust you so just get on with it” than fighting over addresses and beds, neither of which you can make him provide. For one night, a camp bed, sofa or sleepover style improvised bed arrangements isn’t the end of the world for a young child - I slept on numerous sofas and floors when staying with aunts and uncles and family friends and at sleepovers, and he may well enjoy sharing if he gets on with the new girlfriend’s children.

toomuchfaff · 10/04/2025 12:14

Think about a role reversal, would you be happy if he was demanding the same details of you (if you had a new partner and wanted to spend nights there, and he was demanding to know what, when, where, who... )

An unreasonable request is an unreasonable request, he either has parental responsibility or he doesn't.

You can stipulate what you expect, but he doesn't have to adhere to it.

Unless it's something like a life threatening allergy obviously!

DownWhichOfLate · 10/04/2025 12:13

Is your son happy to go there? At 4.5 years he can communicate how he feels.

Original poster

Mummaonherown · 10/04/2025 12:13

@DownWhichOfLate 4.5, on ADHD waiting list as well

OP posts:

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 10/04/2025 12:12

Can you prevent him from having his son? Does he do the same to you?

You should get access court ordered so everyone knows where they stand.

Original poster

Mummaonherown · 10/04/2025 12:12

@toomuchfaff so if working it out means my 4.5 year old son is sleeping on a sofa in a strange home (which he has let happen before in his PGM home so he and his new GF can have sex in the bed, left him alone downstairs) that's f all to do with me?

OP posts:

DownWhichOfLate · 10/04/2025 12:12

Depends on your son’s age?

ItsNearlyEaster · 10/04/2025 12:11

toomuchfaff · 10/04/2025 12:08

Your ex is the child's dad I presume.

He has full responsibility of his child whilst the child is in his care. His responsibility. Whether he lives with his mum, gm, gf, it doesn't matter, he has parental responsibility.

You do not need to know the address, the gf name, who will be there. Kindly - its fk all to do with you.

But safeguarding is everyone's responsibility and op has a right to make sure her child is safe.

Original poster

Mummaonherown · 10/04/2025 12:09

@Hayley1256 he previously told me she lived in west London but a few days ago told me she doesn't. I don't want her full address but it would be nice to know whether my son was in North, East or still in south London (I'm in Kent)

He seems to think I don't deserve to know sleeping arrangements, they will work it out he said.
He doesn't communicate with me, very very difficult

OP posts:

toomuchfaff · 10/04/2025 12:08

Your ex is the child's dad I presume.

He has full responsibility of his child whilst the child is in his care. His responsibility. Whether he lives with his mum, gm, gf, it doesn't matter, he has parental responsibility.

You do not need to know the address, the gf name, who will be there. Kindly - its fk all to do with you.

Hayley1256 · 10/04/2025 12:06

I wouldn't want to know her address but I would I would want to know the sleeping arrangements

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