Ex wants to take son to new partners

He’s 4 years old with a parent who drops in when he feels like it. It’s every fucking thing to do with OP. Jesus.

Withholding the address without good reason could be seen as him impeding your ability to fulfil your parental responsibilities, and for safeguarding reasons it is important to be clear that the boy must have his own bed (sharing with just dad would be ok, but not when another woman is there, sharing with random children is not ok). I think it's best for you to see a solicitor and write to ex that he can have access but may not have overnights until there is a mediation agreement or a court order with clarity over suitable timings and living arrangements that ensure your child's welfare is taken into account.

If he doesn’t cooperate, you will get an order that suits you so don’t hesitate to crack on with that. Just get it done.

Not a chance in hell would I let my 4-year-old stay at a stranger’s house if the exH had a history of unpredictable/unreliable behaviour. Courts would not deem it appropriate to introduce a new “partner” and have overnight stays after such a short relationship. YANBU - ignore the embittered F4J plants posters on here who are implying otherwise.

If there has been any mention of ‘not in her care’ and her children always being at their grandparents, i would want to know if they have been removed from her by SS and therefore it wouldn’t be suitable for him to go there. Anyone who moves their new partner in after 5 months is not a great parent.
if I were you, I would ask for her name and address and if he says no, then just say no, and if he wants contact with his child he can take you to court.

Yes I had all this bollocks. Wanted to take my SEN 2 year old on holiday with OW within weeks of leaving so he could impress all her friends with what a great dad he was. He was totally hands off. He abandoned him eventually. I went through court and got a clear and very limited contact order which he didn’t stick to for five seconds 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you've sent court papers... does he actually get a choice? Surely you just attend anyway and get what you need?

I would absolutely want an address. When we were in court for child arrangements, my ex was told quite clearly to give me an address and we didn’t even have overnights! Child is SN.

I would be asking for a formal court ordered arrangement personally. At 4, with possible SN, he wouldn’t be going to a strangers house that his father has known for 5 months.

He sounds like a dick. You’re well within your rights to make decisions based on what you believe is best for your little boy. You’re the one who knows him best.

Don't give him access to your son. I wouldn't send a child who hasn't seen his other parent for a month for overnight contact at a strangers house.

Just say no then and make him available to see him but not staying there. He's not bothered in a month so doubt he'll be overly fussed.

I’d tell him it’s not happening. He hasn’t seen your little boy for a month or more, and suddenly he’s meant to stay overnight in a strange place? Fuck that.

Is he on the birth certificate? I’d take steps to ensure he can’t just collect your son from school etc or take him away. If he won’t go to court, it might make it easier for you to achieve this?

I always think people that reply with "its none of your business" haven't been in this situation themselves. It absolutely is your business. I presume if your ex asked where your children where at any given time, you would provide that information, so this is no different.

Being separated doesn't mean you only care about your children and their wellbeing when they are with you.

Too many parents are desperate to shoehorn their children into their new lives. A single parent with 3 children is unlikely to have a spare bedroom for your son, so sleeping arrangements are relevant and worthy of being discussed. Just because your ex wants to share a bed with this woman, doesn't mean your (plural before someone tells me he is both of yours!) son wants to share one with her children.

He can just show up and collect him from school if he is on the birth certificate

Do you know her name?

I've dealt with exes before like this mine was an extreme case where his girlfriend actually didn't have custody of her own children for extremely good reasons children's services put forward the recommendation that he see his kids without her around it was bloody awful to deal with

Her not wanting you to have her address sounds like he is setting you up to be the crazy ex by the way

Shocked at how many people are saying it’s none of your business. Your son is only 4, and you are clearly the primary career. Of course it’s your business.

I personally wouldn’t allow it. I’d say no overnight stays, until there is a stable and reasonable place for your son to potentially stay. A new girlfriend of 5 months, he’s already moved in, she’s already got loads of children. It all sounds awful.

So many of these men are happy for an overnight stay to minimise CMS, but don’t actually give any thought to how well it suits their child.

No, neither would I.

I would not let my son go and stay under these circumstances.

pure based on how long they have been together I would say no, he shouldn’t even be introduced yet.
What if he moves on to the next one in a month? Will he be going there too?

I think the dad has moved in there now so this is a permanent arrangement. I would want to know he's got a bed and not sharing with a teen for example.

OP I wouldn't like this without knowing some more information but I don't think legally you'd get very far. You could withhold contact but this may go against you if he goes to court so wouldn't recommend.

For me, it all depends. Starting with your child - how old is he, and what does he want?

I’d probably start by documenting everything - and sending him an email stating that you are looking after your child’s best interests. And as he is proposing to change the existing de-facto child arrangements, you need to discuss and agree the new ones.

And to do that - you need to understand what ex is proposing. So he needs to state clearly what arrangements the child will have - where he will be sleeping, and what facilities will he have.
I’d then reiterate that this information is important for any changes in child arrangements, as your child’s wellbeing is your one and only concern. And that you will only agree to any changes to the arrangements IF that information is provided.

This wont have legal meaning - but at least will show to him that he needs to think about what he is doing. And if he doesn't start cooperating and being open - you can simply cut contact, and his only choice will be to take you to court - and that takes time and effort.

You probably don’t want to escalate to that extent - but get him to be sensible.

I can't work out what that poster means, do they mean OP should phone the child's school and let them know her ex is dating someone?