Ex wants to take son to new partners

Yes she does. No contact order in place and he’s said it’s a “waste of time”, she has every right to say no I’m afraid.

He’s currently wanting to paint himself to a woman he’s known for a very short time as an involved and invested father. Your son is an accessory to him. My advice is the same, no overnights until a CAO is in place. You are perfectly within your rights to do that. If he chooses not to cooperate with that then that’s his problem. What you’ve just described is the basics, what a twat. Stick to your guns!

Not when that parent is not involved, disinterested unless showing off, doesn’t pay maintenance and is obstructive and the child is 4 years old. The court, in my experience, would act accordingly.

The father seems estranged from his son so I wouldn't be comfortable with this at all. I understand you're worried. He seems vile. I would just ignore him for now. It's not like he's interested in his son not being in touch for 4 weeks or refusing to pay for him.

He is the father which means he has EQUAL parental responsibility.
Unless there is a serious safeguarding issue that warrants reporting to SS immediately then as much as its upsetting you not knowing the details, you have no right to dictate what the father does with his own son when in his care and any court will tell you the same if you went for a formal child arrangement order.

Presumably your ex has your address to pick ds up, what is his reason for not giving an address? Providing you don't have form for turning up causing drama what exactly is his issue? Ask him that and ask how he'd feel if you moved and refused to tell him the address. Or offer to drop DS off or pick him up then you'll have to know 😬

I’m surprised people are saying it’s got nothing to do with you. I’m am not separated and my children are much older than yours, but even if they go on a sleepover at a friends house (that I don’t know) I still know the address of where they are.

Presumably, your children's friends' parents don't have PR for your child.

Hugs OP. You're not in the wrong here. The fact that dad isn't communicating with you is an issue and just because he is the dad it doesn't give him the right to not collaborate with you as a fellow human, let alone the mother of his child. I hope u can get it sorted so you and DS feel ok.

He has loved in with someone he has been dating for 5 and a half months. And she has three kids? Fucking hell what a shitshow this is going to be.

but sadly, you have no right to say no.

It's just about keeping a picture of what is going on at home.

Just when OP picks up from school they can ask to have a chat with the teacher and explain the family situation. They can explain that sometimes at weekends DS is starting to spend time with his dad and dad's new partner, but not much is known about what happens there as dad refuses to communicate. She can explain that she isn't sure of the sleeping arrangements, but would hope that DS is well rested when he comes back to school the next day. It's important for teachers to be aware of social issues going on at home, just incase e.g. DS gets emotional about the changes, especially if they are ND.

I had some good advice from a friend once that I found hard to take. And it was to say yeh sure and then see what action they actually took. It already sounds like he CBA. And perhaps his main goal is to upset and control you. It’s worth considering.

“He’s also moved in”

you dropped this late into your post. So he wants his child to stay in his house? Of course that’s reasonable (unless you have more to reveal)

Sarah's law. Adults explicitly DO have the right to check if anyone with their child is a sex offender.

A child going to a sleepover with a friend and being in the presence of his other parent at the home they live in are very different things.

If he won't go to court, just tell him No and leave it at that.
If he wants access he'll need to take you to court at which time, you can ask for an access order, and have it documented that your child needs his own bed.

But from your description, I suspect your ex won't be bothered.

They can ask but they have no right to know. Just as he has no right to know who OPs shagging or living in the house.

Actually I'd disagree. Having your child sleepover with a new partner of 5.5 months and their 3 children is a safeguarding concern as a parent. Maybe not by law, but not expressing an interest in where your children are is concerning to me. Two people that think 5.5 months is a suitable time period to bring 4 kids into the equation isn't making decisions in the best interests of the child really.

New partners can be abusive, or have awful pasts. Are we really saying the other parent has no right to ask about that if their ex deems them to be OK?

I’m surprised at some responses. He’s 4. You don’t know this other adult. You don’t know why her children are not living with her. You don’t know whether your son will have a bed or a sleeping bag somewhere or if he will be expected to share a bed with someone he doesn’t know. None of that sounds good.

I’m surprised people are saying it’s got nothing to do with you. I’m am not separated and my children are much older than yours, but even if they go on a sleepover at a friends house (that I don’t know) I still know the address of where they are. I don’t delve into the sleeping arrangements though. Why would this not be the case for all parents- regardless of age, marriage status etc? I wouldn’t expect to have that knowledge removed from me just because I’m not with their father anymore?

I guess the nuance is if you are trying to block access and using this as an excuse (which I don’t think it sounds like you are).

IMO you are well within your rights to expect to know where your child is, but leave the sleeping arrangements and care to your ex. Perhaps if you come at if from that angle you can all move forward?

He's an equal parent, he doesn't fall foul of any safeguarding concerns here.

In that case tell him to run and jump. He can't just dip in and out of being a parent to impress the new gf.

That's good then. Just ignore all contact going forward and block him. He's not actively parenting, he's not providing for his child. He may well be putting him at risk. He's not actually bringing anything but future misery to his child's life.
He won't take you to to court. Plan for solo parenting going forward.