Page 2 | Ex wants to take son to new partners

Mummaonherown · 2025-04-10T11:03:59+00:00

I know legally he doesn't have to provide an address, however my ex has asked if he can have my son one night and he will stay in his new gf's house (of 5.5 months) with her 3 children. I would assume that she has a 2 bed so not sure if a bed would be available for him, I asked him if he would be sleeping in a bed and my ex ignored me and then sent a message saying " It's not your business my new gf's address nor who will be sleeping where, he will be well looked after" I've never met her, he initially lied about her name and whether she had children or not. I have since found out that her children spend a lot of time at MGMs house (that's what my ex meant by not in her care) He's also moved in now, last week. Previously my ex used to take our son to PGMs house for 1 night EOW but he said now he's moved in he wants our son to stay there. I haven't said yes or no yet, I'm a little concerned. AIBU to say no

Quiceinalifetime · 11/04/2025 17:55

toomuchfaff · 10/04/2025 12:08

Your ex is the child's dad I presume.

He has full responsibility of his child whilst the child is in his care. His responsibility. Whether he lives with his mum, gm, gf, it doesn't matter, he has parental responsibility.

You do not need to know the address, the gf name, who will be there. Kindly - its fk all to do with you.

In what way is 'it's fuck all to do with you' kind? Language has got very strange nowadays.
OP is concerned that her child might be overwhelmed or uncomfortable staying in a strange place with four strangers. OK, his dad will be there, but how her child copes isn't 'fuck all to do with her'.

BillyBoe46 · 11/04/2025 17:42

I think you would benefit from using a co parenting app like our family wizard. You aren't at his beck and call. I'd ask when he would like telephone contact x day at x time or y day at your time. If he doesn't reply then say you didn't get back to me so I'll make myself avaliable on Wednesday at 6 moving forward. Then I wouldn't answer any calls.

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/04/2025 15:37

DorothyStorm · 11/04/2025 14:06

Thats not the point of the none of your Business though. Unless there are safeguarding reasons, courts would say it is none of your business. He is an equal parent. So dont give him the power of letting him tell you none of your Business suck it up. He will most likely lose interest.

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That is not my experience of obtaining a CAO in the family court. Ex had to provide an address.

Mumble12 · 11/04/2025 14:16

DorothyStorm · 11/04/2025 14:06

Thats not the point of the none of your Business though. Unless there are safeguarding reasons, courts would say it is none of your business. He is an equal parent. So dont give him the power of letting him tell you none of your Business suck it up. He will most likely lose interest.

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If my ex told me the whereabouts of my kids were none of my business, he could take me to court to get a CAO put in place.

DorothyStorm · 11/04/2025 14:07

Mummaonherown · 11/04/2025 08:48

@Moonnstars I know what your saying BUT he won't go to court, nor will he do medation.
He rang yesterday to speak to our son, my son goes to preschool/nursery and has done since he was 11 months old. When I said he's in nursery his reply was "but it's half term" he's obviously got confused with her children.
But if he was sure it was half term and invested in his son/being a parent wouldn't he have checked childcare arrangements with me, asked if I needed help what the plan was (I work) no he didn't.
He doesn't care, nor invested he just wants our DC as an accessory to make him look good.
Thank you though

In that case, say no. Dont makenit easy. He will lose interest in trying.

DorothyStorm · 11/04/2025 14:06

Mumble12 · 11/04/2025 10:53

All the people saying 'none of your business', would you genuinely not ask where your husband/partner was taking your child if you were together and they said they were going out?

Thats not the point of the none of your Business though. Unless there are safeguarding reasons, courts would say it is none of your business. He is an equal parent. So dont give him the power of letting him tell you none of your Business suck it up. He will most likely lose interest.

millymoo1202 · 11/04/2025 11:45

I’d say no, poor little thing. You sound like you are the only sensible one in his life

Mumble12 · 11/04/2025 10:53

All the people saying 'none of your business', would you genuinely not ask where your husband/partner was taking your child if you were together and they said they were going out?

DollydaydreamTheThird · 11/04/2025 10:43

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/04/2025 00:27

The stupid comments are from people who have never had to deal with a situation like this. They would happily hand their tiny children over to a complete stranger to sleep on the floor in a place you don’t know with a “parent” who does fuck all, doesn’t know them and avoids maintenance. How dare you ask where your child is or who they are with. Apparently they might have a “great time” with 3 other older children they don’t know. Absolute utter bollocks. I’m so shocked at how many people have said OP is being unreasonable. She’s not. At all.

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Exactly! I'm sure these comments are all from the male lurkers on here. I've said it before but they can all fuck off back to Reddit and PornHub. 😂

Original poster

Mummaonherown · 11/04/2025 08:48

@Moonnstars I know what your saying BUT he won't go to court, nor will he do medation.
He rang yesterday to speak to our son, my son goes to preschool/nursery and has done since he was 11 months old. When I said he's in nursery his reply was "but it's half term" he's obviously got confused with her children.
But if he was sure it was half term and invested in his son/being a parent wouldn't he have checked childcare arrangements with me, asked if I needed help what the plan was (I work) no he didn't.
He doesn't care, nor invested he just wants our DC as an accessory to make him look good.
Thank you though

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Original poster

Mummaonherown · 11/04/2025 08:38

@DollydaydreamTheThird thank you, I think she's been in a abusive relationship (again from ex slipping up on things/begging me not to mention his past)
He won't let me meet her, randomly turned up with her 6 weeks ago to collect my son (she wouldn't get out the car to meet me) and during that week he was telling me she didn't exist, no longer together. It's all very suspect at the moment

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Moonnstars · 11/04/2025 08:37

Sorry but even if there was a court agreement and he was allocated one night a week you still wouldn't be able to demand knowing details and if the father says the child will be safe then unless there is another reason you believe they would be harmed, then you just have to switch off what goes on when at the other parents.
Hard to do, but unfortunately he is also the parent.

Original poster

Mummaonherown · 11/04/2025 08:36

@pimplebum my friend suggested a tracker as he lies about where he is and won't answer the phone of an evening at bedtime even though we agreed that I could call him before he goes to sleep. I'll definitely look into a tracker though

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Mummaonherown · 11/04/2025 08:34

@TheFormidableMrsC I'm not engaging with him anymore, he said he is coming down on Sunday, 12-5 the last time he did was a month and he got there at 12.00 brought him back at 4, never fed him said he wasn't hungry. I suggested staying another hour and getting him something to eat, but he said he was going home.

His only concern is whether he can take my son to his new GF house, that's all he wants to do, nothing else.

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GRex · 11/04/2025 06:39

Sheepsheeps · 10/04/2025 19:53

He is the father which means he has EQUAL parental responsibility.
Unless there is a serious safeguarding issue that warrants reporting to SS immediately then as much as its upsetting you not knowing the details, you have no right to dictate what the father does with his own son when in his care and any court will tell you the same if you went for a formal child arrangement order.

The woman doesn't have her own children all the time and dad refused to discuss sleeping arrangements to confirm if the boy is in his own bed. That's two safeguarding issues, and court would be interested in them.

As the resident parent, she doesn't actually need the CAO, is dad who needs that to arrange access. When she points at the attempts to arrange mediation that were declined, and his non response to court papers, it'll be clear what he is.

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/04/2025 00:27

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The stupid comments are from people who have never had to deal with a situation like this. They would happily hand their tiny children over to a complete stranger to sleep on the floor in a place you don’t know with a “parent” who does fuck all, doesn’t know them and avoids maintenance. How dare you ask where your child is or who they are with. Apparently they might have a “great time” with 3 other older children they don’t know. Absolute utter bollocks. I’m so shocked at how many people have said OP is being unreasonable. She’s not. At all.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 10/04/2025 23:19

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pimplebum · 10/04/2025 22:52

I would put a tracker in his bag so you know where he is and face time him at bed time so you get to see sleeping arrangements

or just refuse, on the day he is supposed to pick him up , pick up an hour earlier

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/04/2025 22:44

Mummaonherown · 10/04/2025 21:09

@ItsNearlyEaster thank you, the lack of communication is driving me mad. I want my son to have a father in his life but I don't think I should chase/force it, that's why I dropped the rope a few weeks ago.

He's an arse, he really is

This is where you’re going wrong. You’re expecting communication and co-parenting. Its
never ever going to happen. Take it from me.

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/04/2025 22:43

@MummaonherownBlock him. If he’s so invested in his child he will apply to court. He won’t and he’s not. Yes it’s tough being a lone parent but my God it’s so so much easier than dealing with this controlling narcissistic shit. Just cut him off, stop responding, stop engaging. I’m guessing you’ll never hear from him again after a period of narcissistic rage 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster

Mummaonherown · 10/04/2025 21:09

@ItsNearlyEaster thank you, the lack of communication is driving me mad. I want my son to have a father in his life but I don't think I should chase/force it, that's why I dropped the rope a few weeks ago.

He's an arse, he really is

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Mummaonherown · 10/04/2025 21:07

@mamajong my ex is known to turn up to my home and call when he wants to, I've asked to get a calling schedule in place, he's refused to do so, literally does what he wants

I'm in south London/Kent and I don't drive so it's pretty unlikely that I will be rocking up to another part of London (assuming she lives in London) when I have a rare night off to cause trouble, he's withholding because he can and he does what he wants.
This evening, my friend came over, my ex called as I was letting her in, I told him I'd call him back.
10 mins later as I was getting my son in the bath, he called and my son answered the phone. I told my son to put the phone down and shouted out 'i said I'd call you back"
I then had 5 missed calls and a very offensive message from him.
This is what I deal with, if I call him he'll ignore me but if he calls me I have to drop everything so he gets what he wants.

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BobbyBiscuits · 10/04/2025 20:59

If that's where he's living now I guess he has to have them there? But it's true he's being unnecessarily evasive about things. The exact address you don't need but if it's massively overcrowded then you need to know.
When he has the child it is true it's fully his own responsibility to provide everything in a decent way.

Original poster

Mummaonherown · 10/04/2025 20:58

@DorothyStorm yep, his new supply. I honestly believe him to be a narcissist, she's just the fool who's fallen for his lies, like I did.

From what he's told me/slipped up on I think she's had him in her home from day 1

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Mummaonherown · 10/04/2025 20:55

@Cantbesure I think your right, he knows how to wind me up, I should just not let him see how his stupidness bothers me and see what he does

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