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AIBU?

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Original poster

Holiday with someone I don’t know

81 replies

Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:28

We’re booked to go on holiday with SIL and BIL, self catering holiday cottage. They’ve now said SIL brother may also come. We have a 4 year old dd and a baby, I’ve never met SIL brother and neither has my DC, aibu to say I don’t want him coming? And how would I even say that? I don’t feel comfortable with him staying in the house with my young dd when we don’t know him. I know he’s SIL brother but I don’t think that changes anything for me.

OP posts:
beetr00 · 10/04/2025 12:48

Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:46

I try very hard to mask and not let it get in the way of life for my DCs and DH. My first reaction was there’s no way I’m spending a holiday with someone I don’t know as I won’t feel comfortable or know what to say to him. I also thought of my dd as I wouldn’t have wanted this at her age and I want her to be comfortable too. And.m then the safety aspect. But it’s that not a normal reaction then I’ll suck it up and won’t ruin things for everyone else.

@Overthebow masking is just so negative, (eta;) for your health

Please be kind to yourself, there is no need to hide ma lovely. 🌼

catmothertes1 · 10/04/2025 12:35

Planetmonster · 10/04/2025 11:46

I don’t have ASD and would be WFT to some random being invited on my holiday. Unless it was a free holiday.

Just quickly say now you are not ok with it. It’s not ok to invite someone you don’t know on your holiday

He's not some random,he's the SIL's brother.

ItsNearlyEaster · 10/04/2025 12:21

catmothertes1 · 10/04/2025 12:17

He is not sort of extended family?

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My thoughts too... Could you arrange an extended family meet up for before the holiday to just touch base with one another? I'm sure he'll be nice! I've met my sils brothers on a few occasions and they're just nice, normal people!

catmothertes1 · 10/04/2025 12:17

Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:39

There’s enough rooms and yes he’s an adult. I don’t know they don’t seem to have thought it may be a problem. I guess they see him as her family and families welcome, but he’s not my family.

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He is not sort of extended family?

Hoppinggreen · 10/04/2025 12:12

Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:46

I try very hard to mask and not let it get in the way of life for my DCs and DH. My first reaction was there’s no way I’m spending a holiday with someone I don’t know as I won’t feel comfortable or know what to say to him. I also thought of my dd as I wouldn’t have wanted this at her age and I want her to be comfortable too. And.m then the safety aspect. But it’s that not a normal reaction then I’ll suck it up and won’t ruin things for everyone else.

The safety thing wouldn't bother me but someeone being invited without asking me would annoy me.
Also, it will change the dynamic, will you be on kid duties while all the adults (including your DH) enjoy themselves?
It would be a no from me and I think I am NT

lazycats · 10/04/2025 12:11

YABU to to make it sound vaguely sinister that this person will be around your kids.

YANBU to be annoyed an extra person’s coming who you don’t know, as that changes the group dynamic and general vibe.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 10/04/2025 12:07

You're going go be in a strange home in a strange place so unlikely your children will ever be out your sight? I wouldn't worry about it.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 10/04/2025 12:07

What exactly did they say? Did they ask if it was OK or just tell you that this is what is happening?

Mumble12 · 10/04/2025 12:07

I dont want to share my holidays with anyone at all. ESPECIALLY not a stranger. I wouldn't care if they were a relative or not! So I dont think youre being unreasonable at all

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 10/04/2025 12:03

Phone the stranger to say hello.
Make sure the DC are yelling & crying in the background.

Planetmonster · 10/04/2025 11:46

I don’t have ASD and would be WFT to some random being invited on my holiday. Unless it was a free holiday.

Just quickly say now you are not ok with it. It’s not ok to invite someone you don’t know on your holiday

Original poster
Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:46

I try very hard to mask and not let it get in the way of life for my DCs and DH. My first reaction was there’s no way I’m spending a holiday with someone I don’t know as I won’t feel comfortable or know what to say to him. I also thought of my dd as I wouldn’t have wanted this at her age and I want her to be comfortable too. And.m then the safety aspect. But it’s that not a normal reaction then I’ll suck it up and won’t ruin things for everyone else.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 10/04/2025 11:44

Personally I wouldn’t have a problem with it, if there’s enough room. What do you think is going to happen?

Stevialive · 10/04/2025 11:44

Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:43

As I said, I have ASD. I need to be able to work out my feelings and what I might say first before speaking to anyone else, including my DH, about it. I like getting people on MN opinion on things like this so I can see how everyone else might react as I don’t always react in a typical way.

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Does your dh know their plans?

Original poster
Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:43

Stevialive · 10/04/2025 11:41

This is all very off

you get on well with a couple who think it’s totally considerate to tell you that they may be bringing along SIL’s brother who you have never met

they tell you this presumably minutes ago and rather than picking up phone to your dh… you start a thread on mumsnet?

As I said, I have ASD. I need to be able to work out my feelings and what I might say first before speaking to anyone else, including my DH, about it. I like getting people on MN opinion on things like this so I can see how everyone else might react as I don’t always react in a typical way.

OP posts:
Stevialive · 10/04/2025 11:41

This is all very off

you get on well with a couple who think it’s totally considerate to tell you that they may be bringing along SIL’s brother who you have never met

they tell you this presumably minutes ago and rather than picking up phone to your dh… you start a thread on mumsnet?

Stevialive · 10/04/2025 11:40

Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:37

I haven’t spoken to him about it yet, I’m trying to work out how I feel about it.

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Wtf??!

Stevialive · 10/04/2025 11:39

Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:38

Well that’s the thing, I don’t want to go away with someone who won’t want to be around my DCs, who they don’t know and I don’t know. But I don’t know if that’s just me or if others would be fine with it and I need to be more flexible.

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What does your dh say about all this? Considering his brother

Original poster
Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:39

CherieBabySpliffUp · 10/04/2025 11:38

YANBU, did they consider how your children would react to a stranger with them 24/7 while making their decision? Hmm
Do you know how this will affect the sleeping arrangements? I'm assuming there are enough rooms? Am also assuming the brother is an adult?

There’s enough rooms and yes he’s an adult. I don’t know they don’t seem to have thought it may be a problem. I guess they see him as her family and families welcome, but he’s not my family.

OP posts:
Stevialive · 10/04/2025 11:39

I wouldn’t want to go away with a person who tells me that her brother that I have never met might be joining us on holiday

Original poster
Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:38

Shoxfordian · 10/04/2025 11:36

What's the issue? I doubt he's thrilled about a holiday with two small children anyway

Well that’s the thing, I don’t want to go away with someone who won’t want to be around my DCs, who they don’t know and I don’t know. But I don’t know if that’s just me or if others would be fine with it and I need to be more flexible.

OP posts:
CherieBabySpliffUp · 10/04/2025 11:38

YANBU, did they consider how your children would react to a stranger with them 24/7 while making their decision? Hmm
Do you know how this will affect the sleeping arrangements? I'm assuming there are enough rooms? Am also assuming the brother is an adult?

Original poster
Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:37

Stevialive · 10/04/2025 11:36

And your DH doesn’t say that this is unreasonable?

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I haven’t spoken to him about it yet, I’m trying to work out how I feel about it.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 10/04/2025 11:36

What's the issue? I doubt he's thrilled about a holiday with two small children anyway

Stevialive · 10/04/2025 11:36

Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:33

Actually no, I do get on with them and like them, they’re great people, I just haven’t met her brother before. I have ASD so do find it difficult to figure out if something like this is normal and ok or not, or what’s fair to my DC as I know at her age I would have hated it.

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And your DH doesn’t say that this is unreasonable?