Holiday with someone I don’t know

@Overthebow has sil's bro got no mates of his own??? I wouldnt like that when it had already been arranged either!! team Overthebow!

This has actually happened to me . But not involving DC . Was me DH , BiL and SiL then SiL added her DB .I just did not enjoy the holiday . We go away with BiL and SiL alot but adding someone you dont really know isnt great we get on fine but just didnt want to go on a full holiday with him.It was dumped on us similarly to whats happened to you. . So I just wanted to empathise!

I totally get it. I want you to know that your comfort is just as important as everyone else’s and you shouldn’t need to mask on your holiday. This is a good enough reason to say no, regardless of what anyone else thinks. You can say ‘I’m really excited for this holiday, but to be honest the thought of someone coming that I don’t know is making me really anxious. I want to be able to relax and I want my kids to be able to relax and even if this guy is the nicest person in the world, that won’t happen because he’s a stranger to us. I’m not against getting to know him this year incase he wants to join us next summer, but for this year I’d really appreciate it if we can leave the group as it is.’

OP has explained that this is due to her ASD - a condition that affects social communication, among other things.

It's very rude and inappropriate of them to book a holiday with you and then announce that they've invited someone else along, who isn't known to you and without asking. I think it's totally reasonable to be extra wary of an unknown male when you have young children. Maybe give yourself some time to process this news and talk it through with your H. Whatever you decide to do about this trip, I wouldn't make any further joint plans with someone who would do this.

I haven’t spoken to him about it yet, I’m trying to work out how I feel about it.

I don’t feel comfortable with him staying in the house with my young dd when we don’t know him.

You seem clear how you feel about it what’s holding you up from telling him?

You are absolutely right. It can happen anywhere. But why would the OP not be "safeguarding" her 4 year old child and baby on holiday. Regardless of who they are holidaying with?!

Do you not let your child go to school? To the local park? Have tutoring? Go on school trips? Be looked after by relatives? Go for a sleepover at a friends?

You can't live your life in fear of ever being around people your children don't know when, let's face it, most cases of child abuse are by people that they DO know!!!

I think that it would have been courteous if you were asked

I think some people are just blessed with an extraordinary lack of imagination.

Taking them on holiday? Where you are present, and living in the same house, supervising?

My children were subjected to abuse by someone we knew and trusted with our/their lives. We left them alone with the person not suspecting for one second it would happen. It's damaged my relationship with the world forever, and my trust in the goodness of some people has gone, but it has taught me how to assess risks much more accurately. A situation where I am present, in the same home, supervising, is not a high risk one. Even with a 'random' there.

Fair enough, but I’d rather be able to decompress in the place I’d paid to stay in with my kids! I think the issue is that they should’ve asked, rather than told the OP that this was happening.

You think it's funny? It can happen anywhere. Especially when you can't safeguard your children and laugh at the danger.

I wouldn't want to holiday with a stranger at all, especially in self catering accommodation. To little privacy.

😂Yes because all incidents of child abuse, abductions, murders etc generally happen on group ski holidays with multiple families.

I have to envy people who blithely put their children into situations with completely unknown people without thinking of the terrible things that can happen.

Who is a total random to OP and her children

I am definitely an introvert, but the OP has said there is enough space, so I'd be happy to take myself/kids off to decompress and do our own thing as required.

🙄

That sounds like a lovely world to inhabit, but those of us who are ND, introverted and/or have negative experiences of family may well feel differently!

I wouldn't give this a second thought, the more the merrier in my world. Especially family.

if you like SiL and she gets on well with her brother, perhaps consider that it could be fun for your kids and you? Extended family can make for a great holiday

I think they are being very unreasonable indeed - I can’t imagine thinking it’s ok to just announce that the brother will be rocking up and joining the holiday! Even more so if I knew a family member was ND and therefore likely needed things to be predictable and without additional social demands. It makes total sense that you’d want to process it all and formulate your response before saying anything btw 🌻 Can your DH say something to them?

We stay in a ski chalet every year with 3-4 other families who we don’t know. The kids love it. They’ll be fine.

This.

It's very presumptuous.

If your issue is simply that you don’t think you’ll be able to relax if you’re having to make small talk with someone you don’t know, YANBU.

If your issue is that you think he might be a paedophile, YABU.