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Original poster

Holiday with someone I don’t know

81 replies

Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:28

We’re booked to go on holiday with SIL and BIL, self catering holiday cottage. They’ve now said SIL brother may also come. We have a 4 year old dd and a baby, I’ve never met SIL brother and neither has my DC, aibu to say I don’t want him coming? And how would I even say that? I don’t feel comfortable with him staying in the house with my young dd when we don’t know him. I know he’s SIL brother but I don’t think that changes anything for me.

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Checkitout8 · 10/04/2025 19:09

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ElfAndSafetyBored · 10/04/2025 18:06

DurinsBane · 10/04/2025 16:17

Maybe the brother doesn’t really want you and you and your husband on holiday with him? Same situation.
You say though you have never met him. I assume your husband has?

It was their holiday first??? The brother is the add on.

MissHollysDolly · 10/04/2025 16:23

Who’s paying for the holiday?

Justupping · 10/04/2025 16:21

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DurinsBane · 10/04/2025 16:17

Maybe the brother doesn’t really want you and you and your husband on holiday with him? Same situation.
You say though you have never met him. I assume your husband has?

Justupping · 10/04/2025 16:09

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coxesorangepippin · 10/04/2025 16:07

Indeed, @justupping

Codlingmoths · 10/04/2025 15:48

Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:46

I try very hard to mask and not let it get in the way of life for my DCs and DH. My first reaction was there’s no way I’m spending a holiday with someone I don’t know as I won’t feel comfortable or know what to say to him. I also thought of my dd as I wouldn’t have wanted this at her age and I want her to be comfortable too. And.m then the safety aspect. But it’s that not a normal reaction then I’ll suck it up and won’t ruin things for everyone else.

They might adore him op. We have holidayed with my in laws in laws, it’s normal in my family! Just let them all hang out.

Justupping · 10/04/2025 15:46

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Justupping · 10/04/2025 15:44

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coxesorangepippin · 10/04/2025 15:44

I've had holidays like this

Sil's sister came, along with her DH and their kid

Just wtf

Then Sil's sister and her DH went and stopped in a B&B (because they couldn't cope with the noise 🧐) and left their kid with the rest of us in the holiday cottage!

Justupping · 10/04/2025 15:42

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ElfAndSafetyBored · 10/04/2025 15:21

bigboykitty · 10/04/2025 15:01

I'm NT and I wouldn't be happy with this at all. It's far more nuanced that ND/NT

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I agree with this totally. Some people are just more social than others.

But everyone should be polite enough to ask those they are going away with if someone else could join, not tell them it is happening. I’d like to SIL would be sorry she’d made such a faux pas

Personally, I wouldn’t be happy either. And less so if I had to share a bathroom with the unknown man.

Livpool · 10/04/2025 15:15

I wouldn’t care about this - but if you do then you need to raise it

crumblingschools · 10/04/2025 15:06

When is the holiday? Have you got time to get to know the brother? Have you never met him at family gatherings before?

mondaytosunday · 10/04/2025 15:05

My experience is that children are far more welcoming than adults. As they have no power they just accept it. They don’t have to interact with this guy other than a superficial way so it during really impact them.
However I’d at least like to meet a person, male or female, who I will be sharing a house with. That seems reasonable.

bigboykitty · 10/04/2025 15:01

Recentlybroken · 10/04/2025 14:49

This thread just confirms what we already know, NT’s don’t understand!!!

I'm NT and I wouldn't be happy with this at all. It's far more nuanced that ND/NT

Echobelly · 10/04/2025 14:57

Overthebow · 10/04/2025 11:33

Actually no, I do get on with them and like them, they’re great people, I just haven’t met her brother before. I have ASD so do find it difficult to figure out if something like this is normal and ok or not, or what’s fair to my DC as I know at her age I would have hated it.

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I think this sort of thing, eg people asking close relatives along to a trip, is normal. I understand caution, but we can't really go through life keeping unknown people from our kids. If you're concerned, just don't leave DD alone with him, which shouldn't be difficult.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/04/2025 14:52

What do you mean by “the safety aspect” op?

Recentlybroken · 10/04/2025 14:49

This thread just confirms what we already know, NT’s don’t understand!!!

Hoppinggreen · 10/04/2025 14:39

SmellyNelliey · 10/04/2025 14:12

I don't see the issue,ive been on holiday with all of SIL family also all our family went too didn't know them beforehand this also included foster children.

That is you though, OP may not want to do that
I go on holiday with people I CHOOSE to go on holiday with and adding another person without agreement (even if it was someone I knew) would piss me off.

user1492757084 · 10/04/2025 14:16

Your DD will react like you do. If you behave like you are fine with SIL's brother joining in, your daughter will not be fearful.

I would love the thought of welcoming my SIL's brother.
As long as you have your own bedroom you will have privacy when you need it.
Trust your SIL. She will not want to wreck everyone's holiday.
Trust that she thought about it before inviting her brother.
You will have a lovely holiday.
With young children it is always better when there are more adults on holidays - to share the cooking, sweeping, washing up, lighting of fires, packing picnics, carrying kid up hills etc. etc.

To be fair, your SIL and BIL have possibly not holidayed before with your newborn, yet they are going ahead with positive vibes to get to know her.

It is SIL's family, not a stranger. And you and DH will always be nearby.

I am looking forward to hearing about this holiday, once you return.

Planetmonster · 10/04/2025 14:13

Say NO OP. Just say ‘sorry I am sure Bob is lovely but I donut know him and don’t want to holiday with someone I don’t know. How about you do something else with Bob on your own time’

they are Weirdos for thinking it’s ok

SmellyNelliey · 10/04/2025 14:12

I don't see the issue,ive been on holiday with all of SIL family also all our family went too didn't know them beforehand this also included foster children.

lazycats · 10/04/2025 14:02

Flutterbyby · 10/04/2025 13:18

I have to envy people who blithely put their children into situations with completely unknown people without thinking of the terrible things that can happen.

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And I feel desperately sorry for people who can’t discern between reasonable caution and catastrophising.