My cousin is turning 60 soon and is hosting a big family party. Unfortunately I can’t attend as I’m on holiday.
As I won’t be there, my mum asked if I’d like to contribute to a present along with her and my dad, my brother and SIL. The plan is to get Amazon vouchers rather than a physical present, so there’s no set amount involved. My mum asked if I was happy to give £20, which l said was fine. She then said, “That works out nicely, doesn’t it? £60 for a 60th birthday.”
I said she’d added up wrong - £20 each would be £100. She seemed confused and said, “No, it’s definitely £60 - £20 from you, £20 from me and your dad and £20 from your brother and SIL”. Basically she’s not treating us as five people for the purposes of the split, but three units; two couples and me. So I pay twice as much.
I said I didn’t think this was very fair. My mum said, “Well, of course you don’t have to give £20 - I just thought it made a nice number.” I said I understood the idea, but that wasn’t the point; the point was I as one person was expected to contribute the same amount as a couple.
AIBU? On one hand, as I’m perfectly happy to give £20 and would have definitely spent that or more on a physical present, maybe I shouldn’t worry about what anyone else is giving. But it’s the principle of the thing - the fact that I’m expected to give the same on my own as two adults (and it’s my own family expecting it!) Also if we’re giving £60 between five of us, TBH I think it looks a bit stingy; plus it looks like I only spent £12, when actually the rest of my immediate family spent less than that per person.
Am I entitled to be annoyed by this? And should I just say to my parents and brother that they can put together and I’ll get my cousin something myself?