AIBU to resent my unemployed sister and her “difficult life”?

I love the way you see it.
We need people to think more like this and raise the love vibration and hopefully then we'll be able to conquer the evil people in the world 🫶🏼

It’s mad how many people are saying ‘she might not be happy, her marriage might be bad, she has no purpose because she has no job’

Maybe she’s happy as Larry just having a moan to you because you are her sister?

Yes it’s a luxury to have a large house, kids in private schools, not having to work but doesn’t mean you’re void of any stresses! Sahm don’t have the luxury of seeing other adults for hours on end a week where they can moan along the way and vent to each other. She’s probably having a vent to you while she can as most of her time is spent around kids or on her own whilst doing all of the house ‘jobs’

I’m guessing as her husband has a great career, she’s no doubt picking up the slack at home more to allow him to focus on work to provide for them all financially?

It’s all relative though isn’t it. Physically she shouldn’t be tired if she’s lounging around in a spa all day but mentally if she’s overly anxious or has something going on you don’t know about, that could make her stressed.

Have a think about what you said though, she doesn’t have a stressful job, you say you and DH do, though you earn well but everything feels like a struggle. Imagine having a stressful job and not earning well, now that’s a struggle. Are you justified in saying you are stressed in that case. There’s always someone worse off who probably thinks you shouldn’t be saying it either

Some jobs contribute to society...but to the "universe". I reckon the universe would be just fine if we didn't exist at all. The poster I was answering quite disgustingly suggested that simply having a job was in some way contributing to the "universe" but being a stay at home parent rendered someone nothing more than a "walking uterus".

Well, of course they are. Do you think nurses, teachers, doctors, shop workers, carers etc don’t contribute meaningfully?

Stay at home parents dont have paid jobs. So yes, it's perfectly fine to call them unemployed!

And I'm actually pissing myself that you think most people's utterly insignificant jobs are "contributing to the universe" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.

Or maybe she's actually stressed. Work isn't the only thing that causes a person stress. This is an utterly vile post.

I had a friend like this, said she didn't possibly have time for a job between the DC and running the house. I once moved a work meeting to keep a date free to meet her for coffee, she then cancelled as it was the only possible time she had to paint her garden furniture!
I think keeping up appearances with the other private school mums was a part of her stress, but like others have said, she would worry over the slightest small thing because she didn't have big worries in her life at the time.
Sadly her husband has left her and she now works part time and doesn't have the time to stress the small stuff in the same way so does tend to moan less.

See how you feel at her age. I was able to work 3 jobs and go to Uni full time. The only time I had off was 4hrs on a Monday. But I was in my 20s.

In my 50s, I can’t even do a fraction of that without feeling exhausted and stressed.

Look, there will always be someone better off than you and always be someone worse off than you. But we all get to complain about events in our lives to family and friends. There shouldn’t be this sort of shit can only roll uphill where the worse off can only complain to the better off.

Get a grip on your envy. You are not so helpless, you don’t have to be tied to a large mortgage. You can always downsize or remortgage with a longer term or move to a cheaper area. You may not want to, but that is a choice you are actively making, so own it.

She's insecure. She's attempting to make her life seem more significant, when deep down she knows she's just ended up a walking uterus, rolled in glitter, and has nothing constructive to do. When she sees you, living your career, being a constructive part of the universe, she more than likely feels dumbed-down, as harsh as this seems.

Yes, working mum's have two jobs!

Uncharted waters the rest of my post is not specifically in response to you, but my general observations from friends in the situation I describe.

Being a parent is a job, many of us have to 2 jobs. But raising children, whatever age they are is a job!

I'm really lucky to have a flexible job but just because kids are in school doesn't automatically mean parents can work, they may want to, but not have the right qualification to have a job, pay the bills and afford after school and holiday clubs. So end up not working because it's not straightforward and financially viable

You can't have a relatable conversation and it sounds like zero substance in the relationship. You also feel really overwhelmed with your current situation, so this is stinging.

I'd try to keep meet ups to the bare minimum and scale them right back if you can. It sounds depressing for you and you don't have much spare time. So dodge it.

I would never envy that life btw. But the problem it highlights is you have too much on. Is there any way to downsize.

Some people are just like this, ungrateful and annoying!

That is because the things that really count can’t be paid for. People that have limited funds imagine that once they have more money they will magically find life easy, exciting and fulfilling, but wealthy people have the same issues and worries as less wealthy people. They still become ill, struggle with problems and deal with bereavements/disappointments etc.

It is a shame your sister is so limited in her thinking. It sounds like she is jealous, and in order to have a relationship with you she has silenced you in multiple ways, not allowing you to be human even. I wouldn’t be keen on a shallow, muzzled relationship either.

Wow that’s a marked lack of imagination .

Do you really feel so overwhelmed by your job that you can’t imagine there could be anything else in life that qualifies as stress?

In this scenario, I’m the OP’s sister, though probably not as rich. My sister is a single mum, who struggled financially, but she had a lot of support from our parents while raising my nephew.

I used to work full-time, but I haven’t for over six years now - due to circumstances, not by choice. I’m currently building my own business, but we’re doing fine financially, so there’s no pressure in that regard, even though I want to do it. I miss working, but I also love being at home with/for the children.

I am perfectly aware I’m fortunate (though it is also a question of choices), and I don’t complain. But the truth is, I can’t talk to my sister about any of my problems. Her default reaction is: “You’ve got it easy - you have nothing to complain about compared to ‘normal’ people.” Or it is dismissed with 'well, you can just pay your way out of it', which I can, to a degree, but it doesn't reduce the stress of a child's ill health, for example.

Because of that, gradually, we just stopped talking about anything important and it made our relationship feel quite shallow.

And I had this “I’ve been running around all day” nonsense.

No mum, you’ve been to work for three hours then popped into Sainsbury’s on the way home.

I used to feel the same about my mum. She used to work about three hours per day term time. Friday off.

The level of complaining about this job was insanity. Absolute insanity. Yes I understand that it may be hectic for the 12 hours a week you’re there, but it’s only12 hours a week! Get over it! Stop complaining!

At the time I was frequently doing more than 12 hours per day and studying for a degree part time.

It was INFURIATING

To quote Cambridge dictionary, unemployed means people who do not have a job that provides money. SAHP are unemployed.

OP, I don't know how you can not laugh when she says she's so stressed. What on earth is she finding so stressful?

Nod and smile, OP. It's the only way

Not claiming to be employed either. That’s why there are other categories….

I think she was referring more to having children than having spa treatments. The OP may not be able to see the pressures of having children just like the sister may not be able to see the pressures of having to go through IVF. My friends life might also look like the sisters from the outside but noone else knows that her eldest child is being horrifically bullied at school and her youngest son is struggling with an autism diagnosis. I would hate her to think she can't complain about being stressed just because she's rich.

Truth is many people in offices have other people to do their admin, organise things, make everything come together. Paid work often allows the employee to focus on narrow task bands. Running your own life requires a broader skill set. My father was stunned when he stepped back from a life of business travel to find how long it took him to book a flight, hotel, corporate car etc. It had just never occurred to him. I think ( hope!) he felt embarrassed about how many times he’d asked his PA if there wasn’t a flight 45 minutes earlier with a different airline etc and she had had to rejig it all. Yes he was very skilled at what he was paid for, but it wasn’t the full cross section of life tasks.