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Original poster

Forgot his 50th birthday!!

39 replies

SillyMeBusyBe · 10/04/2025 10:21

Long distance bfrs birthday was Monday and completely forgot!!! He called me part way through the day and asked if I had remembered and I died inside. I'm still feeling sick about it 3 days later. The guilt is insane. He said he is ok with it but it's seriously not ok. Yes I've got alot on, solo parent, working full time and studying for PhD. He lives in US so is a few hours behind, so assume he wanted to wake up with something from me planned but nothing. I didn't even say good morning, I was absolutely rushed off my feet that morning with easter holiday and getting to work. I feel so incredibly bad I could cry. How can I possibly even make it up to him? I sent something via amazon but it feels like aast minute thing. Planning to visit during summer hols and honestly will have to make it up then. I feel so incredibly guilty.

OP posts:
Whinge · 10/04/2025 10:43

Yes met twice in person.

Twice since the relationship started, or just twice?

Original poster
SillyMeBusyBe · 10/04/2025 10:42

Idontjetwashthefucker · 10/04/2025 10:42

Are you seeing him soon, could you arrange something for then?

Next month. Thinking of organising a suprise party with friends he has here and family.

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 10/04/2025 10:42

Are you seeing him soon, could you arrange something for then?

Original poster
SillyMeBusyBe · 10/04/2025 10:41

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 10/04/2025 10:35

Have you met him in person yet?

Yes met twice in person. He's a family friends childhood friend.

I don't think I'm not into him, I think I'm just struggling with distance. I thought carving time out of my day was enough to keep spark going. I never forget friends birthdays or siblings but I've know about those for years. But I always forget my grandparents who have passed birthdays as they passed when I was little. What I'm trying to say, is birthdays become a routine for me and his has been added to the routine yet. I feel so horribly guilty I've not even had an appetite.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 10/04/2025 10:39

Is this really the relationship for you? You already have a lot of commitments, adding a long distance relationship with somebody thousands of miles away doesn’t seem particularly sustainable. There are going to be lots of moments like this, involving organisation and planning ahead and not being able just to wing it last minute. At six months in, before you even really know each other, it’s much easier to admit that this just isn’t for you and move on without angst on either side.

WheresYourSnickers · 10/04/2025 10:38

NeedToChangeName · 10/04/2025 10:23

Honestly, not saying this to make you feel bad, but I'd take this as a sign that you're just not that into him

Me too.
50 is a big deal, to be honest if it was my birthday I'm not sure I could forgive such a big thing as forgetting my 50th birthday.
I see it's early days in your relationship, but to not even call first to wish him Happy Birthday...... not good.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 10/04/2025 10:35

Have you met him in person yet?

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 10/04/2025 10:35

Less than six months?! It’s fine.

I’m not a birthday person, and though I accept many many people are, the ‘expectation’ he had would not really match with what I’m prepared to invest. PP saying it’s a sign you’re just not that into him may be right.

If you said it was a 20 year marriage and you know he’s really into birthdays, or he’s had a hard time recently and I might have given a different answer.

Original poster
SillyMeBusyBe · 10/04/2025 10:30

Been together less than 6 months.

OP posts:
dnadiscoveryquery · 10/04/2025 10:28

How long have you been together? Was it his first birthday with you together? Had you chatted about it? Makes a difference if it had barely been mentioned and it’s the first one, to if you’ve been together years or you’d chatted about it frequently.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/04/2025 10:28

You can’t make up for that. It’s the same date every year and no one’s too busy or important to plan ahead for something like that.

Poor man, I hope other people remembered.

Overthebow · 10/04/2025 10:26

Yes sorry I’m not really sure you can make up for this, you’re busy but he just wasn’t a priority for you. An amazing present/throwing money at it won’t make it better, you need to find a way to really show you care about him.

autisticbookworm · 10/04/2025 10:26

All you can do is own it. You forgot, it doesn’t mean you don’t love him you are busy and human. If he lived locally it would have come up/plans discussed. Had it not been mentioned at all in the past few weeks?
All you can do is apologise it’s up to him if he accepts it.

NeedToChangeName · 10/04/2025 10:23

Honestly, not saying this to make you feel bad, but I'd take this as a sign that you're just not that into him