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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stop fucking touching me

62 replies

BeatleBattleInABottle · 10/04/2025 08:31

Like seriously, stop it.

I am waking up with sore hips because you can't let me sleep without being all over me, I can't craft in the evening because you won't leave me along, I walk anywhere in the house and you follow me. I come out of the toilet to you standing at the door waiting. If I get a bath, you insist on coming to check that is what Im doing and then talking to me until I shout for help. I woke up last night because twice you drapped yourself over my face stopping me from breathing, I pushed you off only for you to do it again.

If I go away, you behave perfectly reasonably with other people. You don't insist on always touching them or having their attention. You don't give them "love bites" when they try to reas next to you. You don't pull their hair until they get up to make you breakfast.

Cat, I love you but please find someone else's lap.

OP posts:
buffyajp · 10/04/2025 10:45

Discombobble · 10/04/2025 09:05

Get a grip

Show quote history

What a charming response. Women who have been abused do not need to get a grip thanks. You don’t get to tell them they are over reacting. Hopefully your never in the position to find out.

Terrythefish · 10/04/2025 10:43

Your cat has trained you.

You need to be smarter and more dominant than your cat.

AltitudeCheck · 10/04/2025 10:40

Knew immediately it would be a cat. This is my boy to a T! My gorgeous stalker! If he's not on me or staring at me he's sleeping on my PJs! He's a pervert and likes to peer in if I'm on the loo or in the shower.

rosemarble · 10/04/2025 10:34

My next door neighbour's cat is like this, but in MY home and my space.
I open my garden office door and it's sitting right on the other side so it gets hit by the door (if I remember it might be there I do check, but I am often not thinking "cat"). I can't walk around my garden w/o it wrapping round my feet and tripping me over. I can't open the back gate w/o it getting in the way. I can't leave the back door open as it comes in the house. It's doesn't scarper with a 'shoo' or a clap of the hands; I think it might be old or senile.
And fewer garden birds on the feeder 🙁

I presume he brings his owner great joy, but he's just an annoyance for me.

bungobungobungo · 10/04/2025 10:32

@SpringIsSpringing25I genuinely choked on my tea at the thought of two colleagues either side of op🤣

Mirabai · 10/04/2025 10:28

Animals sleep in the kitchen in this house. Solves many problems.

Panterusblackish · 10/04/2025 10:27

I empathise.

My cat has had me up since 3am

Floofle · 10/04/2025 10:05

I tried to go for a wee alone the other day and got this 😂

Stop fucking touching me
GoldBeautifulHeart · 10/04/2025 09:57

My cat can be clingy too. She insists in sleeping on me every night. And sleeps on my thigh when I'm in my side. 🙄 But then I think she's chosen me to love and I'll miss it when she's gone. She feels the safest wrapped up next to me so then I just give in. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

FindingNemosBall · 10/04/2025 09:26

I feel you! Every time I use the bathroom there is a black lab, a tabby moggie and an 8 month old fighting through the door and watching me.

Oh to pee in peace, what luxury that would be.

Pixiedust1234 · 10/04/2025 09:24

.

puss in boots awww GIF
ChickenJockey · 10/04/2025 09:15

We call our teenage cat Baron Trump. He’s sometimes on trump tower (cat tree in the lounge) or Mara lago (in the hall where he has a cat bed) he goes to Mara lago when we eat as he tries to paw food from our plates. He does sleep in the lounge on his numerous beds 😆
we don’t co sleep with Baron because he’s a narcissist 🤣

KatyaKabanova · 10/04/2025 09:12

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 09:11

I'm not sure if I'm more envious of your colleagues or the fact that you were still asleep at that time??

Show quote history

Her colleagues were in there, too?!

KatyaKabanova · 10/04/2025 09:11

Caerulea · 10/04/2025 08:42

Literally just woke up sweating like an animal cos two of my collies pinned me under my bloody quilt. One big, fluffy dog either side of me.

🤮

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 09:11

Caerulea · 10/04/2025 08:42

Literally just woke up sweating like an animal cos two of my collies pinned me under my bloody quilt. One big, fluffy dog either side of me.

I'm not sure if I'm more envious of your colleagues or the fact that you were still asleep at that time??

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 09:10

Ollybob · 10/04/2025 08:52

I knew it was a cat straight away, those who've owned cats will know too, little furry gits!

Definitely!!

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 09:09

JandamiHash · 10/04/2025 08:39

Ah it was edited after my comment 😂

Show quote history

Was it?

that sentence is showing on the original post in the editing details? Is it not working properly?

Discombobble · 10/04/2025 09:07

BeatleBattleInABottle · 10/04/2025 08:31

Like seriously, stop it.

I am waking up with sore hips because you can't let me sleep without being all over me, I can't craft in the evening because you won't leave me along, I walk anywhere in the house and you follow me. I come out of the toilet to you standing at the door waiting. If I get a bath, you insist on coming to check that is what Im doing and then talking to me until I shout for help. I woke up last night because twice you drapped yourself over my face stopping me from breathing, I pushed you off only for you to do it again.

If I go away, you behave perfectly reasonably with other people. You don't insist on always touching them or having their attention. You don't give them "love bites" when they try to reas next to you. You don't pull their hair until they get up to make you breakfast.

Cat, I love you but please find someone else's lap.

Mine walks round the house after me making complaining noises - I am clearly an unsatisfactory employee

Discombobble · 10/04/2025 09:05

TryForSpring · 10/04/2025 08:39

This 'joke' has been done to death on social media.

That first sentence is really shitty for the number of woman posting about similar from their partner on here.

It's stupidly undermining of women who are groped by male partners constantly.

Get a grip

Original poster
BeatleBattleInABottle · 10/04/2025 09:05

I'm sorry if my post upset people.

Clearly it was meant to be funny and in no way downplaying women who suffer from abusive partners.

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 10/04/2025 09:00

I thought cat or dog 😆 my dogs are the same. Wake up with a bad back or dead legs.

Ollybob · 10/04/2025 08:52

I knew it was a cat straight away, those who've owned cats will know too, little furry gits!

ExtraOnions · 10/04/2025 08:48

Make it sound like a sex assault, or controlling partner .. and then say it’s a cat - hilarious

Original poster
BeatleBattleInABottle · 10/04/2025 08:47

JandamiHash · 10/04/2025 08:39

Ah it was edited after my comment 😂

Show quote history

Not the bit about it being a cat. 😁

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 10/04/2025 08:43

I voted YANBU because cats give me the heeby jeebys. Could you just close the door on your pest?