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AIBU?

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Original poster

Stop fucking touching me

62 replies

BeatleBattleInABottle · 10/04/2025 08:31

Like seriously, stop it.

I am waking up with sore hips because you can't let me sleep without being all over me, I can't craft in the evening because you won't leave me along, I walk anywhere in the house and you follow me. I come out of the toilet to you standing at the door waiting. If I get a bath, you insist on coming to check that is what Im doing and then talking to me until I shout for help. I woke up last night because twice you drapped yourself over my face stopping me from breathing, I pushed you off only for you to do it again.

If I go away, you behave perfectly reasonably with other people. You don't insist on always touching them or having their attention. You don't give them "love bites" when they try to reas next to you. You don't pull their hair until they get up to make you breakfast.

Cat, I love you but please find someone else's lap.

OP posts:
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Baninarama · 10/04/2025 14:52

I feel for you, OP. It's warm here today so I just made the mistake of going on a work Teams call (I wfh) with bare feet. It's hard to concentrate on spreadsheets when a tabby menace is under the table, licking between your toes with a sandpaper tongue.

Discombobble · 10/04/2025 14:28

buffyajp · 10/04/2025 10:45

What a charming response. Women who have been abused do not need to get a grip thanks. You don’t get to tell them they are over reacting. Hopefully your never in the position to find out.

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It’s a post about a cat. If you can’t deal with it, don’t read it. Lots of people have trauma in their lives, they can’t expect the rest of the world to stop turning. It was not a personal attack on anyone

Caerulea · 10/04/2025 13:22

KatyaKabanova · 10/04/2025 09:12

Her colleagues were in there, too?!

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Thankfully I work alone!!

Caerulea · 10/04/2025 13:19

FindingNemosBall · 10/04/2025 09:26

I feel you! Every time I use the bathroom there is a black lab, a tabby moggie and an 8 month old fighting through the door and watching me.

Oh to pee in peace, what luxury that would be.

Oh this! Though it's my son's cat who has to protect me on the toilet so I end up with two collies poking their head round the door being batted at by the cat.

Sometimes one collie is already in with me before the cat, so the cat stalks in & the dog has no clue what to do cos there's no room for him to leave.

If the cat is out, my velcro collie is already waiting by the toilet itself before I've finished the sentence 'I'm just going to the loo'

Caerulea · 10/04/2025 13:16

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 09:11

I'm not sure if I'm more envious of your colleagues or the fact that you were still asleep at that time??

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Haha, I don't even notice now. They stealth-mode onto the bed the moment DH gets up for work. I do tend to wake when the velcro one tries to crawl underneath my face though.

80smonster · 10/04/2025 13:01

Don’t you have a door/series of doors? I find that works very well in our house. Ground floor is where the kitchen, cat food bowls and cat flap are located. Having said that, our previous cat would howl like a banshee/new born if he was locked out our bedroom (at anytime time of day or night).

MinistryofThyme · 10/04/2025 12:30

JandamiHash · 10/04/2025 08:39

Ah it was edited after my comment 😂

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Don’t lie and make it worse 😂

BellissimoGecko · 10/04/2025 12:28

Shut the cat in the kitchen overnight so it doesn’t disturb your sleep.

Eggsboxedandmelting · 10/04/2025 12:24

You are The Chosen One.

Accept your fate or dcat will replace you....

Discoprincess6 · 10/04/2025 12:16

TigerRag · 10/04/2025 12:09

I once woke up to find my parents dog stood on me just staring at me. My parents found it hilarious. As much as I love her, it's not what I really appreciate waking up to!

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Least it was a dog and not a ghost!

Discoprincess6 · 10/04/2025 12:16

I love mine to bits but the sqwarking is non stop from 6 am.

But I’ve babied her so it’s my fault. Little floofy menace.

TigerRag · 10/04/2025 12:09

BeatleBattleInABottle · 10/04/2025 12:03

Oh my God, the staring at you!
When she kneeds me, she states at me without blinking, like a maniac. It makes me feel really uncomfortable! 🤣
Last night, I refused to let her on my lap. She head butted, licked and pawed at me for literally 15mins while I pushed her away or blocked her. When she eventually gave up she sat upright next to me as close as she could and stared at me for over an hour.

I once woke up to find my parents dog stood on me just staring at me. My parents found it hilarious. As much as I love her, it's not what I really appreciate waking up to!

Original poster
BeatleBattleInABottle · 10/04/2025 12:03

Oh my God, the staring at you!
When she kneeds me, she states at me without blinking, like a maniac. It makes me feel really uncomfortable! 🤣
Last night, I refused to let her on my lap. She head butted, licked and pawed at me for literally 15mins while I pushed her away or blocked her. When she eventually gave up she sat upright next to me as close as she could and stared at me for over an hour.

OP posts:
SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 11:46

KatyaKabanova · 10/04/2025 09:12

Her colleagues were in there, too?!

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Apparently, my voice to message thinks so🤣🤣

No wonder she woke up hot!!

FrozenFeathers · 10/04/2025 11:43

I object. Where is the cat-tax? Pics or it didn't happen.

sanityisamyth · 10/04/2025 11:34

TryForSpring · 10/04/2025 08:39

This 'joke' has been done to death on social media.

That first sentence is really shitty for the number of woman posting about similar from their partner on here.

It's stupidly undermining of women who are groped by male partners constantly.

This. It’s not funny.

PoorUncleBarry · 10/04/2025 11:29

We have a needy labrador but a much needier black cat. The cat has decided that some parts of our property are off limits to us and she screams blue murder if we go there. For example, going into the garden will earn you a 3 syllable scream but the garage gets you a full on tantrum at ear splitting decibels.

TigerRag · 10/04/2025 11:28

FindingNemosBall · 10/04/2025 09:26

I feel you! Every time I use the bathroom there is a black lab, a tabby moggie and an 8 month old fighting through the door and watching me.

Oh to pee in peace, what luxury that would be.

My parents dog (so glad she's little!) once followed me into the toilet. I told her to get out which she did. I opened the door to find her sat waiting for me

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 11:25

bungobungobungo · 10/04/2025 10:32

@SpringIsSpringing25I genuinely choked on my tea at the thought of two colleagues either side of op🤣

I had to go back to see what you were talking about🤣🤣

I've lost the use of my dominant hand and I'm having to use voice to message. It comes up with some utter nonsense, I do try to catch its mistakes but clearly miss some🤣🤣

I've had colleagues in the past I'd happily wake up with but many many more that I definitely wouldn't want to wake up with!!

BestDIL · 10/04/2025 11:13

Lol, sounds like my dog, except that we make her sleep in the kitchen overnight!

crockofshite · 10/04/2025 11:10

JandamiHash · 10/04/2025 08:32

Adult, child or dog??

Cat, as per OPs post

Justlovedogs · 10/04/2025 11:09

Another one who can relate to this only with dogs.
I'm WFH today. Dogs are happily laying at the top of the stairs, opposite my office door. If I get up to go to the loo, do they stay there? No, I need protecting/company/whatever and they have to come to the bathroom too. 🙄

ParrotsAteThemAll · 10/04/2025 11:04

I’m also in a toxic relationship with my cat. He’s very controlling and will literally shout at me if his meals are late, if I’ve been out of the house too long. He also has a very strict bedtime, 10:30 I’m rounded up and yelled at to get to bed and if I go later than this he will sulk under the kitchen table.

He will only eat his evening meal with a treat on, god help me if I forget, the shouting and stomping around the kitchen starts and won’t stop until he gets his way.

I don’t even get presents from him, not even a mouse! He’s all take and no give.

I’ve created a monster, buts he’s kinda cute.

PinkElephantsOnParade2025 · 10/04/2025 10:48

I could not live like this. 🤮

PluckyBamboo · 10/04/2025 10:46

Cat is an amateur, should be in the bathroom with you, not waiting outside the door......