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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it a thing?

30 replies

ForSillyScroller · 10/04/2025 04:52

I cannot sleep and decided to try to put what I feel is happening into words. Is it a thing? Or am I overthinking stuff?

  1. we went shopping I said I wanted a beer and got one. My dh did not want any. coming home he took out shopping put the beer on the table saying: here is your mommys alcohol.
  2. I have to go to the office everyday for the last 2 weeks . its commute to london come back at 6.30/7 thing. Dh complaing that I do it on purpose when I explained everyone including my boss have to go and I cannot say no. He proceeded to add that he will go to the office everyday next week (he doesnt need to) and I have to manage pick ups.
  3. I wanted to talk in the evening I feel pretty down/ worn out/ our dd sleeps with us recently so she is between us. He says dd I love you sweet dreams I say I love you dd I love dh. I hear nothing back and I ask anyone love me ? Say it and dh goes: dont beg for love. he didnt want to talk went to sleep.
  4. I say I have to buy another train ticket he proceeds to talk about me going to the office I say I asked and its two more weeks he laughs it off saying that he does everything and I do nothing. and I could stop working. I say I like my job and I earn almost same as him then he says I spend everything do it doesnt count.
  5. we sit on the sofa dd pinched me hard to move me and sit. She has a phase of pinching and pulling hair/ hitting . I said stop it loudly and moved her away then explained as usual we dont pinch.. dh says I always shout at her and I am not maternal.

these are just last couple of days honestly is it me? What is going on? I am at a loss I feel like he is putting me down? Am I overthinking?

OP posts:
Original poster
ForSillyScroller · 10/04/2025 05:15

Buttonknot · 10/04/2025 05:06

Is DD at nursery? What time is pick up? Is your DH making a fuss, or is it genuinely difficult for him to juggle his job and the nursery pick ups?

Shes in nursery full time and pick up is not a problem he finishes at 5 picks her up 5:30 and its not far or busy or difficult.

OP posts:
Original poster
ForSillyScroller · 10/04/2025 05:11

Lovegame · 10/04/2025 05:00

Most of them as individuals yes but you both sound unhappy.

What was the plan for your job and childcare with such a long commute? Has it always been that you have a longer commute and DH has to do more childcare. Does it come to the cost of his career? You say you’re stressed, did you snap at DD or react appropriately?Sorry for all the questions, it’s never possibly to fully know what is happening in someone’s relationship, especially from only a few comments on one side.

My contract says 2x commute 3 times wfh. We have a merger and I have to be on site to help there is no saying no. My colleagues as well.
dh wfh 4x in a week and our commute is the same. We both take same train try to go on alternating days. In the morning I wake up first prepare dds clothes and nursery bag make breakfast for her. We drop her off together then he drops me off at the station. He picks up dd then goes to pick up me, he has to wait a bit up to 30 min. He doesnt do more childcare than that its not needed. It does not affect his work in any way.

OP posts:
Teanbiscuits33 · 10/04/2025 05:08

Sounds as if he’s an abusive piece of shit and you shouldn’t be putting up with it or having your DD think this is normal. No matter what’s going on more generally within your marriage, he’s criticising, undermining and making you feel like shit. Either set some boundaries with him or leave.

Buttonknot · 10/04/2025 05:06

Is DD at nursery? What time is pick up? Is your DH making a fuss, or is it genuinely difficult for him to juggle his job and the nursery pick ups?

Lovegame · 10/04/2025 05:00

Most of them as individuals yes but you both sound unhappy.

What was the plan for your job and childcare with such a long commute? Has it always been that you have a longer commute and DH has to do more childcare. Does it come to the cost of his career? You say you’re stressed, did you snap at DD or react appropriately?Sorry for all the questions, it’s never possibly to fully know what is happening in someone’s relationship, especially from only a few comments on one side.