Page 3 | For not wanting to sleep at partners house from Friday to Sunday every weekend?

JennySayQuoi · 09/04/2025 23:58

To borrow from another recent thread, #catsbeforetwats 😺

Original poster

Tobbay · 09/04/2025 23:57

Ownedbykitties · 09/04/2025 23:53

Oh heck! He sounds horrible. Stick with your beautiful cat son. He loves you unconditionally. I have 2 cat daughters and a cat son. They bring joy and smiles to me every single day. This bloke sounds awful. He doesn't compete with your cat son for love and affection. No joy or smiles with him. 8 weeks and he's talking about money and sex and wants you at his beck and call for most of the week? Nah. . I bet he doesn't care one jot about your cat and that he's been ill. Huge turn off.

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He said the right words but I could tell he's just irritated that my cat is ill 🤨

OP posts:

CalicoPusscat · 09/04/2025 23:57

He sounds too controlling

Original poster

Tobbay · 09/04/2025 23:56

FriendsDrinkBook · 09/04/2025 23:50

What money questions did he ask op?

This is the message he sent (2 weeks after meeting):

"How are you on finances?
Are you a saver or sensible spender or would you make a spontaneous purchase?
Is money important to you and do you keep a tight budget or do you spend now and worry about it later?
And what about if we're out together, do you just pay for whatever and not worry who pays for what or 50/50 all the way?"

OP posts:

FriendsDrinkBook · 09/04/2025 23:55

Noooo! Don't give up your hobbies and neglect your fitness for him. This is bad op.

I'm not a huge fan of cats , I have terrible allergies. But in the last couple of weeks I have seen so many threads where I'm 100% team cat. Who do these men think they are?

Ownedbykitties · 09/04/2025 23:53

Tobbay · 09/04/2025 23:34

I haven't even added in the money questions he asked after 2.5 weeks and the sex situation 😅😅

Oh heck! He sounds horrible. Stick with your beautiful cat son. He loves you unconditionally. I have 2 cat daughters and a cat son. They bring joy and smiles to me every single day. This bloke sounds awful. He doesn't compete with your cat son for love and affection. No joy or smiles with him. 8 weeks and he's talking about money and sex and wants you at his beck and call for most of the week? Nah. . I bet he doesn't care one jot about your cat and that he's been ill. Huge turn off.

StrangerThings1 · 09/04/2025 23:53

Out of interest where did you meet this gem?😊

crackofdoom · 09/04/2025 23:53

Tobbay · 09/04/2025 23:47

We haven't had sex.. there have been a couple of times it could have happened but he stopped and said he would only have sex with me if I stayed the night as if I wasn't staying it would be too hard for him to let me go 🤔

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Well, that's pretty fucking manipulative isn't it!!
Again, mine wasn't so bad, but there was a lot of "I can only have sex when I'm committed to someone", whereas I cheerfully said " Oh, I can completely enjoy casual sex when I'm not in a relationship!" Which, of course, eventually got chucked back in my face, the sex dried up, I think the slut shaming was just gearing up when I dumped him...

StrangerThings1 · 09/04/2025 23:52

Tobbay · 09/04/2025 23:51

Have done and he said I should "adjust". When I asked what he meant he said if it were him, he would drop the running clubs I train with to free up time for him.

As I'm writing all this down, it's very clear I need to sprint away!

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Defo!

TheHerboriste · 09/04/2025 23:52

ARichtGoodDram · 09/04/2025 23:45

This is him 8 weeks in - so this is his very best behaviour trying to impress you... and he's already sulking and giving you the silent treatment!

Agree.

Bin this loser.

Original poster

Tobbay · 09/04/2025 23:51

MumWifeOther · 09/04/2025 23:47

Let him know now, your needs and your kids (cat too) come first.

Have done and he said I should "adjust". When I asked what he meant he said if it were him, he would drop the running clubs I train with to free up time for him.

As I'm writing all this down, it's very clear I need to sprint away!

OP posts:

StJulian2023 · 09/04/2025 23:51

OP! He gets worse with every update. He’s given me the ‘ick’, and I haven’t even met him. Get back to thinking about that lovely cat of yours.

StrangerThings1 · 09/04/2025 23:50

Tobbay · 09/04/2025 23:47

We haven't had sex.. there have been a couple of times it could have happened but he stopped and said he would only have sex with me if I stayed the night as if I wasn't staying it would be too hard for him to let me go 🤔

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Odd and controlling in my opinion, does he think you will be so gagging for it that you will give in!

TheSilentSister · 09/04/2025 23:50

Why do you want or need to date OP? You sound like you've got life sorted and your priorities right.

FriendsDrinkBook · 09/04/2025 23:50

What money questions did he ask op?

Original poster

Tobbay · 09/04/2025 23:49

StrangerThings1 · 09/04/2025 23:45

Did you tell him that you have previously been in an abusive relationship….only asking as when some men hear this they think you are weak and easily manipulated and this is the way he is treating you in my opinion, he has plenty of free time, you do not, you need to be setting clear boundaries and if he Dosen’t respect them you should think about ending it

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I have told him actually. That is interesting, hadn't thought of it that way but that makes sense. Thanks 🙂

OP posts:

SpryCat · 09/04/2025 23:49

It’s only been 8 weeks and he’s being pushy and sulking already, what on earth will he be like in a year’s time! He is already trying to control you by saying he won’t have sex with you unless you stay the night, he has all the signs of being controlling and abusive

MumWifeOther · 09/04/2025 23:48

Tobbay · 09/04/2025 23:47

We haven't had sex.. there have been a couple of times it could have happened but he stopped and said he would only have sex with me if I stayed the night as if I wasn't staying it would be too hard for him to let me go 🤔

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Just read this latest post. He sounds very weird. Run, now.

MumWifeOther · 09/04/2025 23:47

Let him know now, your needs and your kids (cat too) come first.

Original poster

Tobbay · 09/04/2025 23:47

WilfredsPies · 09/04/2025 23:40

He’s obviously quite bored and views a relationship as something to keep him entertained, with sex. That’s not how you view it, so it’s just a case of wanting different things. Fair enough, maybe you could get a friendship out of it.

BUT the sulking? If that isn’t telling you that he’s a giant man baby, and that staying with him will years of untold aggravation, I don’t know what will. ‘They’ do suggest that you should say ‘no’ to someone you’re dating, quite early on to see how they react. I think you’ve done quite well to discover he’s a sulker before he has your address. Dump him while you’ve got the impetus to do it.

We haven't had sex.. there have been a couple of times it could have happened but he stopped and said he would only have sex with me if I stayed the night as if I wasn't staying it would be too hard for him to let me go 🤔

OP posts:

StrangerThings1 · 09/04/2025 23:45

Tobbay · 09/04/2025 22:30

So, context....
I say "partner" but we have known each other 8 weeks so 🤷🏻‍♀️
I am 50 and he is 54, he has no children at home and works 2rs a day so has heaps of free time.
I have a 21yr old and a 18yr old and an ageing cat who I love like a third Son! I also work in a very emotionally and physically challenging job, with violent children with trauma based backgrounds.

I have spent the last 3yrs healing from an abusive relationship and as much as I'd like to share time and life with someone, I also want to spend time with my children, my friends and myself! I need quiet time alone o reset. I run ultras and running and the gym make me happy.

The guy is already miffed that I didn't sleep at his house on the last day of term, but I'd explained I was totally shattered. The next 5 days he was very off with me and he told me it wasn't working out. After lots of "drawing blood from a stone" he said he wanted to see me all of every weekend and at least 2 or 3 times on the weekdays.

AIBU that I think he is being unreasonable??

Did you tell him that you have previously been in an abusive relationship….only asking as when some men hear this they think you are weak and easily manipulated and this is the way he is treating you in my opinion, he has plenty of free time, you do not, you need to be setting clear boundaries and if he Dosen’t respect them you should think about ending it

ARichtGoodDram · 09/04/2025 23:45

This is him 8 weeks in - so this is his very best behaviour trying to impress you... and he's already sulking and giving you the silent treatment!

ARichtGoodDram · 09/04/2025 23:44

Tobbay · 09/04/2025 23:34

I haven't even added in the money questions he asked after 2.5 weeks and the sex situation 😅😅

Money questions when he's living off his redundancy money?

I'd bet the "well you're here all the time so you need to chip in" comments would start very quickly with this one...

Run away.

shellyleppard · 09/04/2025 23:42

I would feel suffocated if he kept pushing like that. I'd rather stay single

SpryCat · 09/04/2025 23:42

Your new guy is only interested in his wants, his sulks and moans are a way of trying to get you to bend to his will, being with this guy means losing yourself to please him. I think his behaviour is already a red flag after 8 weeks, you want someone to go places with and he wants you to cater to his needs and to forget your own.