Page 6 | 9 yr old DS, doesn’t let me talk to DH

LadyGillingham · 2025-04-09T21:24:49+00:00

He constant interrupts and tries to get the attention of one of us. DH and I work full time so we don’t get much time together. DS won’t let me speak to DH for 5 mins! DH doesn’t stop this behaviour - I think he quite enjoys the attn when 2 people are fighting for him. It’s also quite sad that DH doesn’t prioritise talking to me. what should I do? Just stop talking to DH until he stands up for me?

Icanttakethisanymore · 09/04/2025 23:03

My 3yo does this. We tell him he has to wait his turn to speak. It doesn’t always work but usually it does, but then he’s 3. This is totally unacceptable from a 9yo. You both need to not engage with him or reward him with attention. Just keep repeating; I’m talking to [DH nsne] at the moment, you need to wait until we are finished’ your DH needs to say the same.

Wecantkeepthisup · 09/04/2025 22:59

takealettermsjones · 09/04/2025 22:34

I have a signal with my daughters - I tap my fingers on their arm to show them I know they're waiting for my attention and I will turn to them as soon as I'm done. If I'm too far away I tap my own arm so they can see.

I had something similar with my children. I used to hold up 3 fingers in their direction. It acknowledged that I knew they wanted to say something to me and I would give them my attention once I'd finished talking to whoever I was talking to.

It worked from age 2.

One of my friends always allowed her sons to interrupt our conversations. Wound me up no end, so I stopped going round her house or on walks/bike rides with them. Children are never going to learn how to behave if no one teaches them.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 09/04/2025 22:58

LadyGillingham · 09/04/2025 22:45

Should I just disappear until it’s bedtime for him then? I really don’t see why I cannot have a 10 min chat with DH.

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But equally can’t you accept your DS is excited to see him too and that you’ll get to have that chat when he’s in bed? Of course you can ask him not to interrupt but the timing seems harsh when he probably sees his dad for about 1 hour before bed?

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 09/04/2025 22:56

I don’t get why you can’t have your “adult only” chat when he’s in bed? If your DS is excited to see you and DH after you’ve been at work all day and wants to chat to you, that’s a good thing isn’t it?!

In our house it goes - bed time routine starts around 7.30pm, then we are focussing on the kids and getting them up to bed. By 8.30pm they are usually very chatty and “brain dumping” about their day (when they were mute for about 2 hours after pick up 🤣).

after 9.30pm ish, adult time.

You sound very negative on your son, it’s a bit sad to read tbh.

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/04/2025 22:54

Tiswa · 09/04/2025 22:50

But it is quite sad that she feels in competition with him and they are all trying to do something at the same time

so @LadyGillingham whst happens at 7:30 and how does your husband interact with him in his time

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OP sounds frustrated because her DH allows their son to interrupt. That's all.

Smartiepants79 · 09/04/2025 22:52

LadyGillingham · 09/04/2025 22:45

Should I just disappear until it’s bedtime for him then? I really don’t see why I cannot have a 10 min chat with DH.

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This is really a husband issue. Have you spoken to him about it and how fed up your are.
Personally I would be having a chat with DS and setting a certain amount of time that is his time with his dad when he gets home from work. After that it is grown up conversation time and he’s not to interrupt you while you are talking. He can wait.
Try very hard to get DH to understand what a disservice he is doing his son.

Tiswa · 09/04/2025 22:50

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/04/2025 22:37

OP had barely talked about him, she only had 2 comments including her OP when you made your first one.

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But it is quite sad that she feels in competition with him and they are all trying to do something at the same time

so @LadyGillingham whst happens at 7:30 and how does your husband interact with him in his time

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/04/2025 22:49

LadyGillingham · 09/04/2025 22:45

Should I just disappear until it’s bedtime for him then? I really don’t see why I cannot have a 10 min chat with DH.

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At 9, he is perfectly capable of not interrupting for 10 minutes. It isn't going to happen as long as DH allows it though.

drspouse · 09/04/2025 22:46

DonkeyDumpling · 09/04/2025 22:43

You what?

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To remind everyone not to interrupt. Just as rude if it comes from DH as from the DCs.

Original poster

LadyGillingham · 09/04/2025 22:45

Endofyear · 09/04/2025 22:41

I would let Dad have some 1 to 1 time with your DS when he comes in from work. Mine were always excited to see Dad and tell him about their day. Surely you can chat later when DS goes to bed?

Should I just disappear until it’s bedtime for him then? I really don’t see why I cannot have a 10 min chat with DH.

OP posts:

DonkeyDumpling · 09/04/2025 22:43

drspouse · 09/04/2025 22:36

We occasionally put our hands up at the dinner table. I have been known to tell DH to put his hand up if he wants to speak.

You what?

Endofyear · 09/04/2025 22:41

I would let Dad have some 1 to 1 time with your DS when he comes in from work. Mine were always excited to see Dad and tell him about their day. Surely you can chat later when DS goes to bed?

PotOfViolas · 09/04/2025 22:40

LadyGillingham · 09/04/2025 22:27

I tell him. DH doesn’t back me up. Instead, he stops me mid conversation to give attention to DS!

My friend was doing that with her ds when he was 10. I'm afraid he still talks over people now he's 18. He's never learned to let people finish their sentence before talking over them. My friend has done him no favours as it's exasperating

Jk987 · 09/04/2025 22:40

drspouse · 09/04/2025 22:36

We occasionally put our hands up at the dinner table. I have been known to tell DH to put his hand up if he wants to speak.

😮

Original poster

LadyGillingham · 09/04/2025 22:37

winterdarkness · 09/04/2025 22:33

Do you spend time one to one with your DS, paying him attention? If so, he should learn to wait for his turn.

If you instead spend all the time having adult conversations and ignoring DS, then he is desperate for attention

Yes, plenty. I work 7-3, so I pick him up from school and I spend time with him. DH comes at 730pm.

OP posts:

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/04/2025 22:37

Tiswa · 09/04/2025 22:34

Yep freelance so pretty much every hour I have at times can be allocated out - work well into the evenings on projects sometimes and have no contact at work other than emails sending and returning projects.
it is still sad how you talk about him - not what you want but the expectation of it all.

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OP had barely talked about him, she only had 2 comments including her OP when you made your first one.

drspouse · 09/04/2025 22:36

We occasionally put our hands up at the dinner table. I have been known to tell DH to put his hand up if he wants to speak.

Tiswa · 09/04/2025 22:34

LadyGillingham · 09/04/2025 22:31

Do you work ? I can probably guess!

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Yep freelance so pretty much every hour I have at times can be allocated out - work well into the evenings on projects sometimes and have no contact at work other than emails sending and returning projects.
it is still sad how you talk about him - not what you want but the expectation of it all.

takealettermsjones · 09/04/2025 22:34

I have a signal with my daughters - I tap my fingers on their arm to show them I know they're waiting for my attention and I will turn to them as soon as I'm done. If I'm too far away I tap my own arm so they can see.

winterdarkness · 09/04/2025 22:33

Do you spend time one to one with your DS, paying him attention? If so, he should learn to wait for his turn.

If you instead spend all the time having adult conversations and ignoring DS, then he is desperate for attention

Original poster

LadyGillingham · 09/04/2025 22:31

Tiswa · 09/04/2025 22:28

it is quite sad the picture you paint of your son

Do you work ? I can probably guess!

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyGillingham · 09/04/2025 22:30

Apricotfuzz · 09/04/2025 22:27

If you work full time it might be that your child needs your attention more than the adult, who can wait

So, if I work full time, I cannot talk to another adult for 10mins?

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SouthLondonMum22 · 09/04/2025 22:29

LadyGillingham · 09/04/2025 22:27

I tell him. DH doesn’t back me up. Instead, he stops me mid conversation to give attention to DS!

DH is the issue here. He needs to back you up.

QuickPeachPoet · 09/04/2025 22:29

Apricotfuzz · 09/04/2025 22:27

If you work full time it might be that your child needs your attention more than the adult, who can wait

Errmm no. Children need to learn manners. They can’t interrupt.

Doggard · 09/04/2025 22:28

My dc do this but I just say "excuse me, DH and I are having a conversation, please be quiet/go away and do something for 5 mins so we can finish our discussion". I also get them to write down what they want to say so they can bring it up later. They have ADHD so interrupting is a symptom but they can learn to manage it.