9 yr old DS, doesn’t let me talk to DH

Him too

And where’s dad in all this?

I meant in general, not in that specific moment.

If your DH comes in about 7.30, what time does your son go to bed? My 9 year old goes up about 7.45 for lights out about 8.15 (appreciate everyone is different) so I do wonder how much quality time DH and DS get? That time of day, as others have said, is when children of that age tend to 'offload' their day to be able to settle for the night.
What does sons bedtime routine look like? Does he get a chunk of 1 to 1 time with DH then?
I absolutely agree that children need to learn not to interrupt, but if he is usually a well mannered child, and this is not a typical behaviour, then the root cause needs to be explored to resolve it.

I’m happy to see that I made you laugh though.
At least that’s a good start.

And I didn’t say you’re not allowed your opinion (that’s your interpretation. Not what I said. So no hypocrisy on my side). I did say I disagree and think it’s a shitty take. And I stand by it.

I agree even from looking at it from another perspective (and we were at odds earlier) this is a DH issue or I think a relationship issue.

Where the current situation makes her feel like a Nanny and not a partner and resentful and it is spilling over into her relationship with her son

No I don't.

He clearly is the issue here, even more so with what OP has added.

He isn’t making his child a priority. He us treating OP’s adult speech and the son’s minecraft babble as equally unimportant. Both just buzzing flies interrupting his tv or phone scrolling. He lets them interrupt him and claim his attention a little bit without seriously engaging.

That must be very frustrating and unpleasant for anyone trying to have a conversation with you.

How weird and patronizing of you. My youngest—now a poised and confident 26 year old—was very impressed when she attended her older sister’s kindergarten class (youngest post nursery here) and loved to hold up her hand at dinner rather than interrupt. Its lead us all to good turn taking habits. What is the problem with that?

I’m not sure it’s fair to say he’s butting in - yes, technically he is from a purely logical standpoint but it’s pretty clear that he’s just desperate for his dad’s attention.

He’s a kid who hasn’t seen his dad all day and when he does come home, he’s more interested in his phone and the TV than in his kids. That’s not a nice feeling. And so he’s learnt that if he waits for mum to get dad’s attention, he can talk and get attention too.

The issue here isn’t an interrupting or rude 9yo, it’s a father who comes home from work and thinks it’s okay to zone out in front of the TV. OP is focusing all her annoyance on a child - it should be on the grown up who can’t be bothered.

Not really, it sounds annoying and a perfectly reasonable gripe. I’m sure OP talks to her son plenty but adults also need to talk without kids constantly butting in.

He could well just be wanting to be part of the conversation. Mr 6 yrs thinks he has something to contribute!!! So bring him into the conversation, "mate, what do you think about the mortgage rate increase?". When he has nothing to say, then say, that you are talking to dad about this and in x mins you will talk to him.

Hmmm, you’ve not referred to DS with ownership (my DS), you adultify him, say he is jealous, attitude seems to be DH speaks to you or DS not collective family convo in terms of conversation, you write about him in a detached way, DH isn’t allowing you to alter behaviour and you seem to be in a tug of war with the child (going upstairs because you were interrupted).

you also seem to have no care in correcting the behaviour for the benefit of DS, just yourself and feel like a nanny (but don’t state like a parent).

Got to be a step child situation.

So if your DH is working from home does he still come down at 7;30 and expect his dinner.

it sounds as if this is the straw that is breaking you that makes you feel like a Nanny is your own home - but truthfully is your DS letting you have a 10 minute conversation going to solve the underlying issues you have in the set up you have

I think this is definitely a DH problem

Yup, we do this too. DC are adults, but we use it on family FaceTime and when we are all together it just continues effortlessly. We are a neurodiverse family though and it helps the ADHDers to remember that they had something to say before it flits from their mind, as well as helping not butt in.

Need nip that in the bud now OP ... my friend allowed her DD to interrupt adults constantly and she still does it at 23.

I would give your son the attention he is craving in the evening but make him go to bed at a reasonable time so you then have time to talk to your DH.

You’re very critical of the OP, is there a reason you need to pick apart her posts when she has clearly said her DH is the problem here, not her son?

Love how your allowed an opinion but I'm not, mumsnet hypocrisy at its finest, congrats

You both accept this ridiculous and rude behaviour?
Is this gentle parenting or no idea parenting?

I think everyone is being a bit harsh on the dad here, i'm sure he does want to talk to his wife, but he also wants to spend time with his child, which don't think anyone can knock. I'd rather a man made his child his priority over his wife (an adult).

@LadyGillingham you have a dh problem. Which I think you know.

The only way to solve this issue is to have a chat with your dh and ‘remind him’ that when ds is interrupting you havinf a conversation, he is being rude. And that as parebts, you really need to teach him politeness. Which includes waiting his turn. (The touching your hand idea is also a really good one).

Im also going to ask about your dh and ds climbing all over him at weekends, wanting his attention.
Does your dh only give attention to his ds when he is climbing all over him? And does your dh get involve in parenting in other ways? I mean he clearly doesn’t back you up when his ds is being rude. But does he intervene at other times when ds is misbehaving? Is he involved in bed time, ensuring his bedroom is tidy - ie all the not so glamorous sides of parenting?
Because I’m wondering if the interruption agd the way your dh behaves then isn’t a symptom of something else iyswim.

Btw when your ds interrupts, I’d tell him to wait a couple of minutes. If your dh then gives ds all his attention, id remind your dh you were having a conversation and he is being rude too. Because he is! There is little difference between your ds behaviour and your dh in that respect.

Im not the OP and I find your post totally inappropriate

Fine if you believe the child has ADHD. I’m not quite sure how you can be so sure from the few lines the OP has written about her ds. Very simply because NT children also interrupt and behave that way!! But heyho…

But the comment about the OP being argumentative because she doesn’t comments about ADHD into account?? And that it CLEARLY means it’s a defect of hers and it’s because she has ADHD?!?
Thats so far out of line that I’m not even sure what to say tbh.
To start with the OP is allowed to disagree with 99% of what MN says. MN isn’t some sort of golden standard, let alone individual posters (like you. Sorry….).
And then the being argumentative=ADHD is …..

Is it possible that your husband enjoys you both 'competing' for his attention..?

What would happen if you stopped talking and gave your attention elsewhere?
What would happen if your husband had to 'compete' for your attention..?
Why isn't your husband positively motivated to have a 10 minute conversation with you?

Your child is a child and doesn't know better.