I am so consumed by the decision of whether to have a 3rd child (have been thinking about it basically every day for about 2 yrs) and feel time is running out to make our minds up, but how on earth do we make a decision? I know nobody can make it for us but based on these pros and cons, would you or wouldn't you?
Pros;
-I'm healthy, had 2 great pregnancies and relatively good births (1st I did have a minor PPH due to a tear and needed blood transfusions)
-Very involved hands on DH, who is an amazing dad and husband and is keen for another, if I'm on board.
- Have £££££ in inheritance/family savings which can be accessed whenever needed to give extra support financially.
- DH and i have stable jobs, mine is fairly flexible I can work from home and it's a family friendly profession.I would work part time 2/3 days until all children in school.
- We have alot of love to give- our existing daughters are our life focus.They are incredibly doted upon, invested in and despite us not being particularly well off they want for nothing and live a privelidged lifestyle.
- We don't have close families (DH) or big families (me) and sadly there have been some fall outs with DH's side which mean that our children are the only kids their age in the family and they don't see quite alot of their relatives. So feel a pro would be extending the network for our children.
- I don't obviously feel 'done' with having babies. I sold some toddler clothes on vinted last month but had to stop after as i can't bring myself to touch the baby ones- all the baby stuff is still in the attic and I am usually ruthless about getting rid of stuff so wonder if that's a sign I'm not ready to draw the line.
I sometimes imagine looking back in afew years with a comfortable, easy life but having an awful stab of regret that I traded material bonuses such as nicer cars and holidays for another little person for us all to love and have as part of our family forever, and that I would feel really shallow for doing that, but it would be too late to change our decision.
- The sibling relationship is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen (despite ours arguing at times!)...I feel like I want to recreate even more of it (I know its not all roses but we are a very close loving family so hope a 3rd would share all that too) I was an only child so maybe this feels extra magical.
Cons;
-We have quite a small rented house- 3 bed semi, so two kids would always have to share for foreseeable future (might be able to have 4 bed one day, but no guarantees)
- Had a miscarriage before each child so abit concerned that could happen again.
One of the miscarriages was with triplets so slightly concerned that might increase my risk of having multiples another time!
- Part of me struggles to imagine going through the intense physical and emotional process of pregnancy, birth, sleepless nights, worry over baby's fragility with safety/health and endless breastfeeding again.
I'm also scared about potential health risks to me and prospective baby during pregnancy/birth partly due to my age, and of me dying in childbirth although I know that's rare now.
- Unsure how a baby would impact on opportunities and family dynamic for older two who are 3 and 8....if a 3rd would come between them or hold them back, and would DH and I spend alot of time divided to meet different needs (although 8yo only just turned 8 and is quite young & playful, so still likes many of the activities 3yo does)
- Costs- we are a low-ish income family and although I know the essentials would always be covered fine, another child would mean less extra curricular clubs, abroad holidays, visits to expensive attractions/meals out etc and less spent on birthday/Xmas presents & parties.
Me and DH it might be having hair coloured at hairdressers or not having a gym membership, that sort of thing, maybe a more basic, older & bigger car.
- Family support- we only really have my mum who is a key consistent support and she's mid 70s, so although is very involved can't be as practically hands on as a younger grandparent would be and don't think she would be able to have 3 at once and certainly not overnight.
- Plans to buy a house, do abroad holidays would have to be put off another 4yrs or so until I'm back at work full time if we had another.
I'm 37, 38 this year and don't personally want to have a baby in my 40s, so really feel I need to be making a final decision this year, and planning my/our future down one path or another, but am driving myself mad not being able to come to a conclusion!
Just looking for others opinions, on what you would do in our situation, thankyou.