AIBU to go for a 3rd child?

Your cons outweigh your pros. Focus on the children you already have. I also think it’s quite normal as you approach the end of your fertile years to have a pang of “one last one” but it passes.

Why on earth would you intentionally have another child with the way the world is deteriorating? No amount of money can address that.

Not in a rented house I wouldn’t.

Also 3 and 8 are very young and kids get much more costly as they get bigger. Even when you’re careful with money.

I personally think you need to get your finances in order first. We have four on a fairly high income and we have found it really stretches as they’ve got older. Also we got a bonus fourth!

Sorry if I wasn’t clear. A cat 1 C-section means there is an immediate threat to life of the mother and/or baby. Basically, my DS and/or I could have died. I also believed it unlikely to happen but it nearly did to us. My DH had to wait 45 minutes after they’d rushed us away to find out our DS had been born and was alive.

As I said originally, I wouldn’t change having my DS here. He’s the perfect final piece in our family and his big sisters (10 and 3 when he was born a year ago) adore him completely. Should we have stuck to two children? Probably.

Yeah, that particular "pro" is nonsense.

Excellent post from @TheatreTraveller

Having another child should never be about just meeting your needs.

This is the crux of it, and when you centre the children you can overcome the urges, because pre-existing children should take priority.

Honestly I think a third baby might meet your needs BUT not having another baby would be meeting your existing children's needs and putting them first.
At their ages they can enjoy so much, holidays, days out, hobbies, activities, they should have their own room in their own home.

Child birth is not risk free, what if you couldn't work again, what if a severely disabled child meant no family holidays, such a gamble with your children's futures.

I would enjoy the 2 you have and make their lives the best they can be.
I know 4 people who went for a third, and only one couple say they don't regret this decision.

IMO you should follow your heart, as long as you think it is doable financially.

It depends on your priorities. We already owned a house before we had children, so renting isn't something I'd want to keep doing.

I wanted 3 but we had our two relatively late in life. Second four years younger - having a third child would have skewed our priorities to baby / toddler / pre school when the older ones were at a different stage. We wanted to be able to fund lovely holidays, days out, activities and clubs etc. I was able to work part time (0.6) for years out of choice, but another child would have meant paying out for more childcare and most of my earnings wouid have gone on that for a few years.

I had my Dc whilst renting and we later bought, however we were younger than you. Have you seen a mortgage advisor? You are going to be more limited with mortgage length as you go into your 40’s meaning higher repayments. Worth considering if you can afford to wait if you definitely want to buy a home.

Is the house worth around 200k?

I wouldn’t underestimate the impact of hormones. I think we are biologically designed to feel clucky when that window is drawing to a close!
Not to be a downer, but I wouldn’t even contemplate it now you have added additional information about your finances. When you said you had inheritances and savings to dip into, I imagine most people were assuming a minimum of a 6-figure sum. Reality is, you may well struggle financially with 2 teenage and young adult children unless earning potential increases. There is no chance I would have another in those circumstances.

But there is no saying that your landlord would be willing to sell the house to you? They are equally likely to put it on the market to maximise their investment and you could find yourselves outbid by another investor.

You have a modest lump sum and need to think really carefully about how to use it to your best long-term advantage, which is probably by buying property (even if it’s just an investment flat).

At the moment your two children will be inheriting nothing, or perhaps a few grand each after funeral expenses are paid.

One thing I would consider, family time and relationships seems really important to you from what you have said so far. I know someone in a similar situation and when your third is a toddler, your eldest are not going to be wanting to do the same activities. You can’t really expect a 10 year old to want to go to soft play, so will likely end up with one parent with the younger two doing age appropriate activities and another with the eldest doing things they enjoy. My friend said this is so much harder than she anticipated and really affects family time, when they try to do things all together at least one child ends up moaning/melting down over not wanting to be wherever they are.

She was similar to you and couldn’t wait to have a big family but in reality they spend a fair amount of time as two groups. Something to consider if you haven’t thought of it before.

I would get a home first as childcare costs will er into what you can borrow.

I know it sounds funny but have you thought about getting a kitten or puppy?

I think being risk averse is a good thing here.

The more the OP posts the more it looks like having a third is a bad idea - risk of disability, risk of other extra needs, financial, logistics, living arrangements, risk to the OP's health etc. I can't see any positives to having another other than fulfilling a want for the OP, and we can't always have what we want in life.

This isn't being overly risk averse, it is being sensible.

You said yourself that you are terrible at decision making, and in this case I think k it would not be able good decision to. have a third

I have three children and having my 3rd was the best decision. The other 2 were 6 and 3 when he was born and they absolutely doted on him. They used to fight over who was going to play with him when they got home from school!

It IS expensive. Fitting 3 car seats in a car usually means upgrading your car. But the two younger ones shared a room very happily until they were 14 and 11.

personally I think that if you’re not “done” and really want a 3rd child and your husband feels the same, you’ll regret not having them. Our youngest completed our family in ways I never imagined. And not once did we ever consider having a fourth!