Rude Husband

If you have the space, get him a garden pod! We got my husband a hully pod after he made me choose between him and the cat…

One question, you said op that your kids were grown up but didn't accept your new relationship, how did this manifest itself?

I have a friend who recently split from his partner because her child (mid teens) couldn't accept the relationship and did everything to make it impossible. Lied - said my friend had hit him...friend was actually with me at the time as grandmother had come to see the boy, stole, hid car keys.

First, I think you should leave him if you think he’s using money to control you and he’s as bad as you say.
If you aren’t going to leave him, why not use the spare bedroom as another sitting room? Your children can visit you and sit there. Though the kitchen was always our preferred meeting room, I know many houses have silly little kitchens nowadays, but you do have a spare room. My neighbours use a bedroom as an extra sitting room, and there is no one using the downstairs room at all , but they like the view from upstairs.

first post nails it - again.

This situation will damage your relationship with your children - potentially irretrievably. It puts barriers to you forming meaningful relationships with your grandchildren. Is this how you see your future?

Well- leave then?

i don’t really understand posts like this. You post about a horrible man, who is horrible to you and your kids and always has been, and yet you married him and now stay there still even though he’s horrible.

why don’t you leave?

Any signs of Asperger's? Your sincerely, from someone who has a DH with the condition, who can come across as very rude and self absorbed to others (particularly in social situations/his private space - i.e the home)

No way would I allow a man to treat my children like this and taking over the main room so you can’t have visitors isn’t something a nice person would do

I can’t imagine having gotten involved with a man who wasn’t interested in my son. So he’s taken over your only reception room so you can’t entertain your children and grandkids? Sitting in silence like a giant child whilst hogging the only space you’ve got? Fuck that. It’d make we want to pulverise him.

Its posts like this that make me absolutely adamant that if DH and I ever split up, id just stay single, probably forever!! My 3 DCs would always come first and id rather be alone forever than deal with this kind of agg. Id never trust any man to care about my children enough to make it worth being with him. OP you need to leave this man, he just isnt very nice is he. What does he actually bring to the table? Probably nothing.

So if he takes over the only reception room to work what do you do?
Are you out of work, or are you banished to the kitchen and only allowed to appear at tea break time?

Screw that. Its your home to, so you're allowed to use it as such along with your family. If he won't accommodate that time to look elsewhere.

You've answered your own question. You looked after his kids and the home for him (with benefits). What use does he have for your children, let alone grandchildren? I'll tell you - absolultely bloody zero. This won't change, you know that. How are you fixed financially?

Put things in place so you have some sort of financial security, speak to a solicitor for advice regarding what rights you have….and then leave! He’s a selfish arse that married you for childcare…I would never go out let alone marry a man that didn’t acknowledge my children or make an effort with them, I’d rather be on my own. You choose to stay just as you can now choose to leave..

What would your life be like if you divorced him. Already so many indicators that he is not the right man for you. What’s stopping you heaving him overboard ?

I put YABU because I can't believe you are staying with this man. It's bad enough how he's been with your adult children, but now it limits you seeing your grandchildren?? They deserve a safe place with a grandparent who is present.

Get rid of him! He doesn't care about any of you or else he would be working towards finding a compromise with the working from home, and he would be putting effort in to your children.

Gosh he sounds a bit of a fail as a person. Are you sure you want to be with him, or is this a convenient arrangement that’s turned sour?

Think I understand the MN expression ‘nanny with a fanny’ now.

Sorry, but I’d be reconsidering this marriage. At least, as his wife not ‘partner’, you are now entitled to half the house. Think of it as a bonus for all those years of servitude you gave him.

Something similar really ruined mine and my mum‘s relationship. She always put her new husband first. Your children should come first.

You have to start making plans to leave. See a solicitor to find out where you stand financially.

I think some of these comments are a bit harsh OP. We all go into relationships with the best of intentions and the hope that it will work out. It’s not so easy just to up sticks again. But he is showing you who he really is with this behaviour and do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling awkward about having your family visit? In your own home, you could see them all whenever you wanted to…

This is on you for perpetuating a relationship with a man who has cast you as the nanny and has dismissed your family entirely.

Yabu not to have plans to leave him as soon as you can. Even if that’s a few years away you need to start planning.

You really deserve a lot better and so do your children and grandchildren. He doesn't sound whatsoever likely to change, the current set up suits him. Do you have means to leave?

Exactly as the first poster said. Put your relationship with your children first and either stand your ground or leave

How old were your children when you moved in with him?