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Original poster

Email from my ex husband...

458 replies

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:12

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 09:36

SpringIsSpringing25 · 09/04/2025 22:38

Nope.

For her OWN good. It would have taken two seconds and it would've all been over, instead of being so wound up by it she started a thread and is now going to spend the evening night contemplating what her response will be or if she will even respond that's a lot of time thinking about him in the situation when she could've simply resolved it in two seconds

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No I didn't spend the evening thinking about it - I was at a social activity. I owe him nothing, not a date, not pleasantries, nothing.

OP posts:
GameOfJones · 10/04/2025 09:33

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 09:29

Giving him the correct date would make me unhappy - why should I?

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Don't give him the correct date, just don't reply at all and ignore his email completely.

Giving a snarky response sounds funny on paper but in reality is cringeworthy and hands him back all the power as he says to himself "she is still affected by me." Deafening silence is more powerful. Leave him wondering.

I say this as someone that replied to an email from my ex years ago and sincerely wish I'd ignored it and not given him the satisfaction of any reply.

Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 09:32

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 09/04/2025 20:05

His email went to spam
You didn't see it

Work on the fact that he STILL affects you so negatively

I haven't thought about him in forever - I am allowed to be angry at crap behaviour - that's a no brainer. I don't wake up every day cross at him - he's just done something wanky and it's normal to feel cross at that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 09:30

Cotonsugar · 09/04/2025 19:45

Divorced twenty years ago and you still have this reaction. I’ve been divorced less than ten years but whenever I hear anything about my ex husband I have zero feelings even if he has upset my adult children. They are now able to stand up for themselves as far as I’m concerned. I’m happy to feel nothing. If I were you I would email the date and nothing else, not even a greeting and leave it at that. Btw when I visited the solicitor dealing with my divorce I couldn’t remember the date of our marriage because we hadn’t bothered celebrating it for years.

It's not 'still' having this reaction - it's a reaction to a wanky bit of behaviour. The same as if someone else behaved in a bad way and it would rile me. I think it's fucking bloody cheeky and I don't think I am wrong or somehow 'not healed' to feel that way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 09:29

Semiramide · 09/04/2025 19:34

Absolutely no point getting so worked up about this.

Don't give him the satisfaction of getting a rise out of you.

instead reply with the (correct) date and block him.

And get on with your - hopefully happy - life without him.

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Giving him the correct date would make me unhappy - why should I?

OP posts:
Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 09:25

lovemycbf · 09/04/2025 19:03

I’d say he’s getting remarried and I’d reply sorry I can’t remember and block him

If he is it will be his third! I don't think it's that to be fair.

OP posts:
ColourlessGreenIdeasSleepFuriously · 10/04/2025 09:25

I get it Arlanymor. Please rickroll him.

Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 09:23

Pinkissmart · 09/04/2025 18:51

It's been 2 decades. Let it go. What benefit is there to holding on the rage?

Not holding on to rage - barely thought about him in two decades - it's the instigation of new rage at this latest behaviour. I think that's normal - I get cross when people act in dickish ways, it's no different with him.

OP posts:
CarrotSeeds · 10/04/2025 09:16

I had a text from my Ex, albeit a nice friendly one, asking if I would go to a certain court and pick up a certified copy of our decree absolute and post it on to him as he was remarrying within the month and couldn’t find the paperwork to do so!!! I seem to remember paying for the copy as well 🤣. I think he was living abroad at the time. It wasn’t a major hassle to be honest and I wished him well in his second marriage so was happy to help.

Westfacing · 10/04/2025 09:14

Unorganisedchaos2 · 10/04/2025 08:24

Is the form he's filling in significant @Arlanymor is there a reason why he'd want you know?

Could be pension related.

My ex died last year (divorced 20 years) and our two sons are his executors - their solicitor who is handling probate asked for the date of our divorce. Not the same as OP as she's being asked for marriage date but something like a pension form is a possibility. Whatever the reason is not OP's concern.

My advice would be 'can't remember' and block him.

ColourlessGreenIdeasSleepFuriously · 10/04/2025 08:55

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 08:30

You don't know that, binning the email, replying with the wrong date, replying with some witty nonsense are all much more likely to have him continue trying to contact her.

Simply replying with nothing but the date is the easiest way to make him go away and isn't that the ultimate goal??

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not if she blocks him. Duh. Doing his bidding is much more likely to open up further attempts at engagement on his side anyway.

category12 · 10/04/2025 08:36

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 08:30

You don't know that, binning the email, replying with the wrong date, replying with some witty nonsense are all much more likely to have him continue trying to contact her.

Simply replying with nothing but the date is the easiest way to make him go away and isn't that the ultimate goal??

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I think the ultimate goal is OPs satisfaction.

Personally it would piss me off that he thinks I should be doing his thinking for him decades later.

I would get more satisfaction out of ignoring the email.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 08:30

ColourlessGreenIdeasSleepFuriously · 10/04/2025 06:39

Fuck that shit. Binning the email would have done th same job and been much more satisfying all round.

Show quote history

You don't know that, binning the email, replying with the wrong date, replying with some witty nonsense are all much more likely to have him continue trying to contact her.

Simply replying with nothing but the date is the easiest way to make him go away and isn't that the ultimate goal??

JandamiHash · 10/04/2025 08:29

The obvious answer is to give a wrong date. But an obvious wrong on. 30th February 2017

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 08:28

LyingSmilingInTheDark · 10/04/2025 06:49

Nonsense. Why not achieve the same result by deleting, ignoring and setting up a rule to auto-delete his future emails?

THAT is for her own good.

Let's please, please stop pandering to useless, lazy men toilet goblins. It just encourages them.

Edited
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How rude.

you're entitled to your opinion, as am I. You don't have to agree with me but you don't need to be rude either.

Streaaa · 10/04/2025 08:26

I would completely ignore it.
You are not his PA.

MikeRafone · 10/04/2025 08:26

JoyousEagle

he is married, so that’s not the case

NicolaDeLaHaye · 10/04/2025 08:25

I've not read all the posts but I'd tell him I can't remember and he's going to have to apply for a copy marriage certificate. Make him fork out.

Unorganisedchaos2 · 10/04/2025 08:24

Is the form he's filling in significant @Arlanymor is there a reason why he'd want you know?

Cabinqueen · 10/04/2025 08:21

RhaenysRocks · 09/04/2025 17:20

Loving "toilet goblin"..I shall be looking for an opportunity to use it forthwith 🤣

Me too, and unashamedly so...😁

ColourlessGreenIdeasSleepFuriously · 10/04/2025 08:05

I took the high road all the way twenty years ago and you know what? Twenty years on I would be quite pleased if he realise I still think he is a POS on the rare occasion he crosses my mind

TheGoddessFrigg · 10/04/2025 07:54

This just proves that some men NEVER STOP expecting women to do life admin for them. I too would be furious at this, just for the utter presumption

category12 · 10/04/2025 07:41

JoyousEagle · 10/04/2025 07:28

I agree.

I think he just wants you to know he’s getting married, and wants you to be bothered/have an emotional reaction. I wouldn’t do that.

I’d either go with the reply above, or if you don’t want to give it to him “I can’t remember. You probably have some forms with it on so you’ll have to find it.” (I’d add the second sentence just to make it clear I wasn’t going to be looking for the date for him, in case that might be his next question). I’d ignore any subsequent email of “oh but I can’t find it, can you look”

Show quote history

This is just babying a grown man.

He can use Google if he can manage to find OP's email, so he could have used it to figure out how to get the wedding date.

He either is sniffing round OP to try to start up contact or to make some sort of point, or he just wants a woman to do his thinking for him.

All she needs to do is delete his email.

Bagwyllydiart · 10/04/2025 07:34

BananasInPyjamasAreRunningDownTheStairs · 09/04/2025 17:46

Dear Toilet Goblin

By my understanding it was April 1st but you might want to double check. Please note, I can't respond to any more emails on this subject due to our corporate firewall

Best Regards

Or might be the 30th of February

JoyousEagle · 10/04/2025 07:28

Singleaftermarriage · 09/04/2025 17:40

I split with my ex 2 years ago due to adultery. I have to see him due to kids. We are divorced now. He asks me stupid questions a lot as he is useless and a man child. I answer eventually because I never ever want him to think I even think about him enough that he can get under my skin.

My reply would be

Dear .....
The date was...
Kind regards

Me

It will bother him that you can be so "whatever". It always does with people like that

Edited

I agree.

I think he just wants you to know he’s getting married, and wants you to be bothered/have an emotional reaction. I wouldn’t do that.

I’d either go with the reply above, or if you don’t want to give it to him “I can’t remember. You probably have some forms with it on so you’ll have to find it.” (I’d add the second sentence just to make it clear I wasn’t going to be looking for the date for him, in case that might be his next question). I’d ignore any subsequent email of “oh but I can’t find it, can you look”