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Original poster

Email from my ex husband...

458 replies

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:12

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 10/04/2025 12:02

He may have lost the Decree Absolute, as have you OP. I'd be more concerned with what he wants the information for to be honest.

lazycats · 10/04/2025 11:59

Honestly, you sound way too angry about this. Indifference is the opposite of love, not rage.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 11:55

category12 · 10/04/2025 08:36

I think the ultimate goal is OPs satisfaction.

Personally it would piss me off that he thinks I should be doing his thinking for him decades later.

I would get more satisfaction out of ignoring the email.

Show quote history

Well, each to their own 😊

On the Internet, but personally I just want rid of him and not for him to keep trying to contact me to get the date. I'd sooner just take a few seconds to reply with the date. Yes, he's a cheeky fucker, but so what if it gets it over and done with him out of my life again, it's all good with me to give him a date

🤷🏻‍♀️

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 11:52

ColourlessGreenIdeasSleepFuriously · 10/04/2025 08:55

not if she blocks him. Duh. Doing his bidding is much more likely to open up further attempts at engagement on his side anyway.

Edited
Show quote history

Don't 'doh' me.

He went to the trouble of finding her work email, she admits there are other work emails he could use,

He hasn't contacted her in many years and she knows his need for the date is genuine so he's not just making up an excuse to contact her.

Far more effort and energy and thought going into all of this business is necessary, it could've been done and dusted in two seconds by simply replying with the date.

But still seems many people would rather make a huge big deal of it🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 11:36

LyingSmilingInTheDark · 10/04/2025 11:11

I don't think I was particularly rude, and certainly no ruder than you were yourself in your original.

Perhaps something is lost in written form or perhaps you take exception to, "nonsense"?

Either way, I'm afraid I stand by my post - form and substance - so we shall have to agree to disagree on all fronts!

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It was more being accused of pandering to lazy men etc.

i'm not.

I genuinely think just replying with the date is the easiest way to get rid of this fuckwit and isn't that the main aim??

But yes, let's just agree to disagree

Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 11:26

Espresso25 · 10/04/2025 11:04

I hope you’ve ignored him OP.

I've updated as to why that isn't an option - but I haven't replied yet. He emailed yesterday afternoon and I have an online event until 2pm, so he can wait until then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 11:25

Panterusblackish · 10/04/2025 11:15

Omg the sheer projection and therapy talk on this thread!

The OP is angry that her cheating toilet goblin ex husband is treating her with disdain, expecting her to find answers for him that he can and should do himself.

It doesn't mean that she hasn't healed, it means she angry now that he thinks it's ok to swan back in and say service my needs woman!

Women are allowed to be angry, we don't need to heal ourselves from perfectly valid reactions.

Thanks so much for saying this, you have totally nailed it, you really have.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 11:23

Thelittleweasel · 10/04/2025 11:19

@Arlanymor

For the expenditure of a few ££ he can get a copy of your the marriage certificate from registry of births marriages and deaths [or whatever it may be now called]

Yes I agree, he certainly can and should have done that in the first place - I don't know why he didn't!

OP posts:
Thelittleweasel · 10/04/2025 11:19

@Arlanymor

For the expenditure of a few ££ he can get a copy of your the marriage certificate from registry of births marriages and deaths [or whatever it may be now called]

Panterusblackish · 10/04/2025 11:15

Omg the sheer projection and therapy talk on this thread!

The OP is angry that her cheating toilet goblin ex husband is treating her with disdain, expecting her to find answers for him that he can and should do himself.

It doesn't mean that she hasn't healed, it means she angry now that he thinks it's ok to swan back in and say service my needs woman!

Women are allowed to be angry, we don't need to heal ourselves from perfectly valid reactions.

LyingSmilingInTheDark · 10/04/2025 11:11

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 08:28

How rude.

you're entitled to your opinion, as am I. You don't have to agree with me but you don't need to be rude either.

Show quote history

I don't think I was particularly rude, and certainly no ruder than you were yourself in your original.

Perhaps something is lost in written form or perhaps you take exception to, "nonsense"?

Either way, I'm afraid I stand by my post - form and substance - so we shall have to agree to disagree on all fronts!

Espresso25 · 10/04/2025 11:04

I hope you’ve ignored him OP.

ColourlessGreenIdeasSleepFuriously · 10/04/2025 10:43

Dude, we divorced in 1994. My days as your social secretary are long gone.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 10/04/2025 10:42

It’s a shame that you have to reply at all, completely ignoring would be best. But I do understand you don’t want him trying the other email so want to pre empt that, in which case your reply is perfect. I can’t decide if he just believes you should still be doing wife admin for him, or it’s some kind of power play to see if you’ll jump when he says so. Though maybe those two are the same thing. Either way, he’s a dick.

Daleksatemyshed · 10/04/2025 10:37

Good for you Op, it's been a long time since you divorced so your days as his PA are long gone

blobby10 · 10/04/2025 10:23

@Arlanymor I would have had exactly the same reaction as you if my ex had emailed me with such a request. He has remarried but we have 3 now adult children together for who I provide a home base. So I do still have to see him when he picks on or other of them up for something and I hate it. We had a very amicable and emotionless (on his side) divorce - I still wonder if he gets emotional about anything - but he's a twat of the highest order who has rewritten our marriage and now says he hated so many parts of it i wonder why he stayed for 20 years.
I wouldn't respond to your own toilet goblin - its amazing how emails from unknown sources go straight to junk isn't it!!!Grin

NicolaDeLaHaye · 10/04/2025 10:19

I'm reminded of what Marti Caine used to say, "I can remember my wedding day like it was yesterday. I wish it was tomorrow though so I wouldn't go"

Easipeelerie · 10/04/2025 10:13

He still needs you for wifework all these years later. A wedding date is just life admin to him and you’re the one responsible for that - as is his current wife, no doubt. Just don’t reply.
And if a tiny, tiny percentage if you is thinking - but what if this is an excuse for him to reach out to me. So what? He’d only be doing that for nefarious reasons e.g. split with current wife.

Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 10:02

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 10/04/2025 09:57

Yes, perfect answer. I hope you can send that and just forget about it now, but I do understand your annoyance, what cheek he has!

I promise by the weekend it will all be well in my rear-view mirror - it was just the abject cheeky fuckery out of the blue!

OP posts:
Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 10/04/2025 09:57

Yes, perfect answer. I hope you can send that and just forget about it now, but I do understand your annoyance, what cheek he has!

crockofshite · 10/04/2025 09:51

Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 09:45

Morning all - really appreciate your responses. To answer issues raised throughout the thread.

  1. Remarriage - he's already done that, I don't think it's about this, it's a military clearance issue and I don't think he is making it up, I think he genuinely does need to know it.
  2. If he's gone to the trouble of finding out my work email then he could very well have found out this information himself and that's what he is going to do - I am NOT going to tell him, based on his behaviour and utter cheek.
  3. I rarely think about him, I don't spend my life in sackcloth and ashes - but his name randomly popping up in the middle of a stressful work day put a jolt of shock through me and made me understandably angry - before this I have barely even thought about him in the past two decades.
  4. We have an info@ WORK email address - shared by most of our team - and I wouldn't put it past him to try and contact me in that way if I don't reply - so to save that happening I will reply, this is what I intend to send:

I don't remember either.

Four words, that's it.

Perfect answer

MzHz · 10/04/2025 09:49

I don’t remember either is absolutely the very best response you could give!

Brava @Arlanymor

rainbowstardrops · 10/04/2025 09:46

If I was thinking straight and felt like being decent, I’d just ignore him completely.
If I felt like retaliating in some way, I’d probably be brief and literally just say you had no idea.
I certainly wouldn’t be doing his admin work for him!

Original poster
Arlanymor · 10/04/2025 09:45

Morning all - really appreciate your responses. To answer issues raised throughout the thread.

  1. Remarriage - he's already done that, I don't think it's about this, it's a military clearance issue and I don't think he is making it up, I think he genuinely does need to know it.
  2. If he's gone to the trouble of finding out my work email then he could very well have found out this information himself and that's what he is going to do - I am NOT going to tell him, based on his behaviour and utter cheek.
  3. I rarely think about him, I don't spend my life in sackcloth and ashes - but his name randomly popping up in the middle of a stressful work day put a jolt of shock through me and made me understandably angry - before this I have barely even thought about him in the past two decades.
  4. We have an info@ WORK email address - shared by most of our team - and I wouldn't put it past him to try and contact me in that way if I don't reply - so to save that happening I will reply, this is what I intend to send:

I don't remember either.

Four words, that's it.

OP posts:
Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 10/04/2025 09:37

GameOfJones · 10/04/2025 09:33

Don't give him the correct date, just don't reply at all and ignore his email completely.

Giving a snarky response sounds funny on paper but in reality is cringeworthy and hands him back all the power as he says to himself "she is still affected by me." Deafening silence is more powerful. Leave him wondering.

I say this as someone that replied to an email from my ex years ago and sincerely wish I'd ignored it and not given him the satisfaction of any reply.

Edited
Show quote history

I completely agree with this take on things. Also understand where you’re coming from, @Arlanymor, which is why I think marking the email as spam and deleting it is the way to go. Going to the trouble of finding your work email address but not bothering to do the logical thing of looking up Births, Marriages and Deaths online is ridiculous behaviour on his part, but whatever’s behind it, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of any kind of response.
I’d be interested to know what you decide to do in the end.

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