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Original poster

Email from my ex husband...

458 replies

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:12

Dear Arlanymor, sincerely hope you are well. I need to know the date of our wedding because I have to fill in an X form. Are you able to remember please? Best regards, Ex Wanker.

Sent to my WORK email. Which means he had to look it up online.

I divorced him for adultery nearly two decades ago now. Also the clue is in 'our wedding' isn't it? You were there on the day dickhead. We haven't been in contact since 2019 when he kept coming up as having looked at my profile on LinkedIn and I got in touch via their messenger to ask him not to.

This has got me so angry. "Oh Arlanymor - do me a favour please? Even though I am a cheating arsehole and should be able to fill in forms without bothering/the assistance of my ex-wife." The date is on the decree absolute you absolute toilet goblin.

FUMING. FUMING. FUMING.

OP posts:
PopeJoan2 · 09/04/2025 17:59

I identify with this. I got a phone call from someone I used to work with, and with whom I had once been deeply in love, asking me about something at work - I had left that workplace years before. He was on holiday with his girlfriend and someone had sent him a query from work that he passed onto me.

It is good that you are fuming (I stupidly gave him advice!). Now, delete the email and pretend you never received it. Do something nice for yourself.

AnticleaAndLaertes · 09/04/2025 17:59

New email - who this?

diddl · 09/04/2025 17:58

Why do posters think Op should tell him?

To "be kind"?

soarklyknobs · 09/04/2025 17:58

You divorced him 20 years ago and yet he still wants you to do wife work for him 🙄

I would either:

a) never respond, or
b) respond with 👌

And proceed to respond with any further messages in the same way.

Wife work is not your job any more 🤷‍♀️

Daleksatemyshed · 09/04/2025 17:58

I'd be very tempted to say I couldn't help as I'd repressed the memory. Let the lazy sod look at his divorce papers

Original poster
Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:58

Boredlass · 09/04/2025 17:55

Have to be honest, I don’t remember when I got married. We’ve been married for nearly 20 years. I’m just bad at dates. I know it’s in June sometime but that’s it. Luckily my DH doesn’t overreact

Not the same situation at all though is it.

OP posts:
wizzywig · 09/04/2025 17:57

Say it's 30th feb

Original poster
Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:57

SpringIsSpringing25 · 09/04/2025 17:55

@Arlanymor

Just reply with the date. Nothing else.

Then you can forget about it, there's no need to cause more drama by giving him the wrong date or telling him to fuck off or any of the other witty replies, that just feeds into it.

You have a busy evening ahead, why give yourself something else to think about?

Oh I am - busy evening starts at 7pm, so just having a little vent on here (and a big glass of wine) before I have to toddle off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:56

Praying4Peace · 09/04/2025 17:55

Obviously reopened old wounds. Congratulations on having the strength to leave your marriage

Show quote history

Yes just a poke in a tender place, not a proper open flesh wound, but could have done without it.

OP posts:
DivorcedDiva · 09/04/2025 17:56

Just block and delete..those saying reply...no... don't let him reel you back in, he means nothing, so it is meaningless spam and not worth the effort or risk of being drawn into any potential conversation

Praying4Peace · 09/04/2025 17:55

Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:23

It's not control to be fair, I think it's just my immediate reaction. The fact that he thinks it's fine after everything he did to casually pop into my work inbox like I am some free admin service. And 'best regards' - bland corporate politeness like it's a favour he's even entitled to ask. More than anything it's the shock because seeing his name in my inbox really did make my heart stop for a moment - I think it would to anyone to be fair. Even if you know you are better off without someone, old wounds twinge when they are poked.

Show quote history

Obviously reopened old wounds. Congratulations on having the strength to leave your marriage

SpringIsSpringing25 · 09/04/2025 17:55

@Arlanymor

Just reply with the date. Nothing else.

Then you can forget about it, there's no need to cause more drama by giving him the wrong date or telling him to fuck off or any of the other witty replies, that just feeds into it.

You have a busy evening ahead, why give yourself something else to think about?

Justmuddlingalong · 09/04/2025 17:55

I'd send one word. "Guess"

Boredlass · 09/04/2025 17:55

Have to be honest, I don’t remember when I got married. We’ve been married for nearly 20 years. I’m just bad at dates. I know it’s in June sometime but that’s it. Luckily my DH doesn’t overreact

MrsMoastyToasty · 09/04/2025 17:54

Pretend that someone else at work is managing your inbox. Write a pithy response that tells him to take a running jump

LucastaNoir · 09/04/2025 17:52

My vote is for a completely calm and civil either

Dear X
I can’t remember I’m afraid.
Best wishes
Y

Or
Dear X,
Yes - the date is (wrong date)
Best wishes
Y

I think it’s good to come across as helpful and not give him any satisfaction so would choose one of these. And then I’d block and not respond any further.

Exasperated24 · 09/04/2025 17:52

Nothing to add but howling at toilet goblin 😆😆

AlphaRadiationIsHeliumNuclei · 09/04/2025 17:52

Aliflowers · 09/04/2025 17:18

I’d reply I can’t remember.

I was going to say this too.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 09/04/2025 17:51

“Dear Ex H,

Please do not contact me on this email address again. I’m afraid I can’t remember either. Good luck.”

Original poster
Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:51

Delphiniumandlupins · 09/04/2025 17:49

Screenshot your Decree Absolute and send it to him. Then block his email so he can't contact you again.

Ironically I don't have mine any more, it got lost in a house move.

OP posts:
Moschatelle · 09/04/2025 17:51

“For £3 a digital image can be obtained online from GRO. Failing that, ask your mother.”

LyingSmilingInTheDark · 09/04/2025 17:51

For the love of God don't reply with the answer.

Who are the mad women on here who think you should "just" do the life admin of your cheating ex husband who is now a total stranger to you?

I completely agree about no need to feel bitterness (or anything at all) about him but as a rule I don't accommodate the requests of incompetent/cheeky fucker strangers seeking to foist their dross work onto me. For one thing, you never get rid of them (individually or as a species!) once you start! May I commend this approach to life to you!

I would treat this as the junk email it is - no response is the best response.

TennesseeStella · 09/04/2025 17:51

I'd send a fake bounceback email which somehow incorporates the phrase "toilet goblin".

Original poster
Arlanymor · 09/04/2025 17:50

Tooshytoshine · 09/04/2025 17:48

I vote for the very basic and formal - the date was ___ and give him completely the wrong date. It's on your work email so although tempting to call him a toilet goblin, I would try to remain professional.

Oh no I am very aware of not sending anything bad from my work email. Toilet goblin is for Mumsnet!

OP posts:
GrumpyInsomniac · 09/04/2025 17:50

“For all life admin requests, please see your current wife.”

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