Making children do extra curricular activities

My 9 yo is similar. Given the choice he'd be on screens all day every day. If he'd have hobbies or play at home I'd be happy with that but the only thing he wants to do is be on screens. Getting him out of the house is a nightmare and he complains but I make him do swimming plus two other activities (of his choice) and he enjoys them when he's there. It'd be so much easier if he'd find a passion other than screens but until then I'm sticking with making him go to activities.

I agree with you fwiw although my dc are older now and football and swimming sounds like plenty to be getting on with. School is tiring and they are growing but they also need a balance. Some dc need more structure than others, one of mine would tend towards lazy if he didn’t have somewhere to be but hobbies have built great discipline over the years. I don’t tend to nag them about things like screen time or snacking and let them self regulate but this is because they work hard at school and do a couple of extra curriculars each so I know they are getting x amount of social / outdoor / exercise time every week and therefore flopping on a screen with a bag of snacks on a Saturday morning isn’t the end of the world. It’s done them a lot of favours, they have nice friends outside of school, have gained qualifications and awards etc, become fit and confident and will have lots to discuss in interviews. The trick is not to overload them. If he’s happy just doing the two then let him get on with it. Or maybe try something less physical if he is all sported out, drama or music or a cadets type thing, whatever he likes?

Do you really expect him to enjoy every minute of every activity though? If he learns that moaning means he can opt out, he'll just moan.

I think you said he can swim? Maybe he’s bored of the lessons. I remember watching my eldest’s last couple of sessions, and it was very much telling them to do things almost for the sake of finishing the block of lessons, he really wasn’t learning anything new. Would he prefer to just swim freely? Could you take him to family swim instead?

(in our house screen time is contingent on expectations - which include clubs)

We make two out of home activities compulsory for our DCs, DD does more, DS has SEN and it's really hard to find things that are suitable but he has his two.
This is for a variety of reasons: they definitely don't get enough exercise just with school PE (DS school does almost nothing - definitely no team games - and DD just has average primary school level, she's not in any school teams).
DS does a sport that's more like your son's leisure team, and goes to a church youth group.
He also has swimming lessons in holidays (that's the only slot for 1:1).
DD does swimming lessons and cycling, and she goes to a different youth group. She asked to learn an instrument (which is definitely one of those things you have to stick to past the hard stage) and is in Scouts.

DS would stay in the house and never go out if he could, but that's really bad for him. DD gets very frustrated if things are even a tiny bit hard and doing an activity for several years is teaching her the value of persistence.

I’d make him do SOMETHING, but allow him
to choose what it will be.

Of course he shouldn't be watching YouTube for hours. You're right OP. Do you have limits on screen time? Maybe if he knows YouTube isn't an option he'll be open to other ideas?

Ds at a little younger had a serious illness that meant he dropped all activities. Once he'd got enough better I realised that he was fast settling into never leaving the house and only wanting to do computer games.

So I introduced the "you have to do one activity".
The rule was simple. He had to choose to do one thing during the week. He could change it every term, but he had to go unless he was ill.
He chose drama because it was only one hour, and close so he'd have the minimum time out of the house. He moaned the entire first term every time he was due to leave. I asked him if he wanted to change at the end of term, but he said anything else would be worse.
Halfway through term two he bounced out of the group and asked if he could do a second class on Saturdays. It increased from there.
At one point he was doing 15 hours a week, and he's off to uni next year with a related course. The group are his friends. They message each other, insult each other a lot (!) and call on each other to help in different things.

I'd go for something similar. Tell him he has to choose one thing each term. You can make it one active thing if you want, but I don't think that's necessary.

For the love of God do not force him, it will backfire spectacularly in my experience.

Dd does various activities but none of them are forced, forcing her makes her dig heels in and become more defiant about it.

He is 9, he knows his own mind. Why do you think you need to force him to be better at something he isn't that bothered about?

What do you think would happen if you negotiated with him that he can drop the organised things on the understanding that he's expected to do something active every week?

What sports do YOU do OP?

Sounds a bit like my son. Swimming lessons were not negotiable until the end of primary. He is 18 now and isn’t very active at all. He does as you say “laze around”. He’s doing exactly that, now. Makes my teeth itch.

I dont understand this mentality really. Surely these clubs are for the kids who are interested in them? Why would you need to schedule his time for him? My 8yo DD does a music session in school once a week which is over £40 a month and that's enough. She likes that and it seems worthwhile. She hasn't mentioned any interest in anything else yet, she's happy at home and with occasional parties/playdates and holiday club sessions.

No, but I also don’t do exercises I don’t enjoy. Can you not work with him to find things he does like to do

As a kid I was forced to do shit I hated during the holidays. All my friends looked forward to the holidays - I dreaded them alongside dreading school during term. It’s a pretty miserable existence when you can’t even look forward to your time off.

what sports do you do OP?

Tricky,
lots of posts about older lads who are stuck at home gaming all night
no mates no social life

not saying this would be your lad, but I think society needs to be aware there seems to increasingly larger amounts of young people, particularly boys who get stuck indoors / online in their teenage years and onwards

I think different people prefer different amounts of scheduling. Would he prefer something more casual like going for a swim session or to the gym or something outdoors as and when rather than as part of a schedule?

Find him something he does like. Extra curricular don’t have to be sport.

scouts, cadets? Get him out and forming friendship groups.

skill based sports like archery, shooting, martial arts?

climbing? Parkour? Stuff that won’t feel like work.

theatre groups? Coding? Lego building? Robot wars?