Making children do extra curricular activities

I’m a mum of teens and I disagree about making him.

I wouldn’t force him to do something he hates, but if the complaining is because he wants to stay home and watch YouTube then no.

limit screen time every day to so many hours so even on non activity days, screen time ends. Then he’ll be thankful of other things to do. Re the PJs let him until a time then he must get dressed.

my kids have done loads and DD gave it all up, DS gave some up but kept football. DD regrets it now and as an adult has gone back to some things. kids moan if they have to do much with any effort now!

my friends son has given up every activity he’s ever done and is now largely overweight at a very young age. Same reason he couldn’t be bothered!

As others have said, swimming was non-negotiable up to gold survival level. At that point I was happy for DC to go swimming with friends without me. One DS continued with swimming and took up triathlons at uni, the other took up hockey, which he still plays now.
They both did cubs, scouts, explorers and both learnt an instrument and went to Saturday music school. The condition we set was that they had to complete any activity for the period that had been paid but they could let me know at renewal if the didn't want carry on. After some early whinges, they were usually happy to continue.
Findythe right teachers for music helped. One DS did alternate grades on guitar and then had a fun half term between grades. Neither liked having music lessons at school in secondary so I had to pay privately outside school.

Limit devices to a strict hour per day and he will perk right up. He needs to be out in the real world, exercising, having fun, interacting with people, having new experiences.

If it was me, I would also make that hour conditional on doing 3 activities of his choosing per week.

I do book my son in for activities if I can, but he isn't always a fan. He quit cubs because he hated it. He will always moan because he would rather sit in front of a screen. We kick him out of the house to play every day weather permitting, take him fishing and try and get him involved in cooking. Stuff that adults do that kids don't always do can be appealing sometimes. Sometimes i take him for a run and do weights together.

We just have to put our foot down and stand firm. Once he's doing the activity he says he hates he is fine. You just have to say you may as well do X as you're not watching TV/gaming, so you may as well play out/help cook instead than stare at the wall.

This is so tricky! My eldest (dd 11) would much rather be at home (and on a screen!) than do anything sporty or otherwise. Suspected asd so a battle to try things but one she starts and gets to know the instructor she sticks at things. I’ve never forced anything but think we’ll struggle when she does to secondary as all her hobbies are attached to her primary school. (We also had to block YouTube altogether as noticed a worrying addictive tendency towards YouTube shorts.)
my youngest (dd9) does loads - sports, instruments, cubs - but is making noises about giving up football. She’s much more up and down with activities but I don’t want to penalise her for trying things and force her, but also want to teach persistence and the value of continuing with things when they are more challenging.
It’s difficult when you read people
saying they regret giving up activities but also when you hear about people
who resented being forced to do things. I gave up swimming for my town at age 12 (I swam almost daily and went to galas every weekend - my parents didn’t fight it!!) and gave up at grade 8
piano as a teenager. I regret giving up the piano but it was too much work
and i wish id been able to just play for fun. For me the key is whether they enjoy
it as life is stressful enough without the need to force extra stuff. And i always need to question whether i am applying my own standards of seeing things through and persevering whereas perhaps those aren’t the most important qualities to learn.

Op I'm with you kids need to do activities. My son does swimming non negotiable as kids need to learn to swim plus we live by the sea. We have tried various other sports, rugby, Hockey, athletics, karate he gets fed up quickly and messes around. He would rather play games all day too but he is going to have to do some activity when he gets older. He's currently only 7 and struggles to concentrate but as he's older he will need to do a sport. It's not cruel to not want your kids to be lazy and unhealthy. It also teaches kids how to lose, how to win, how to be a good team player, how to be dedicated and committed. Find him something that he likes to do, there are so many activities to choose from. We are going to try basketball next. Edit as I see he does do football and swimming so they is a good balance. My DD did swimming hockey and athletics. Dropped swimming at 9 as it was too much. Now at 13 only does athletics but this is 4 times a week as she competes. I wish my mum had made me do a sport but she didn't want to get up on the weekend to take me anywhere as she saw it as her rest day. I did horse riding for awhile but it was riding in the dark early mornings to get there. As a parent I think it'd essential for your kids to have hobbies and have friends outside of their school circle.

Your son does extracurricular activities four days a week, if I’ve read your post correctly. Is that not enough? My son is a little younger (8) and does a similar amount (swimming, tennis and Cubs after school, and a music lesson at school). He’s in wraparound after school too and genuinely needs some time to relax at home as well. Is it similar with your son? Mine is out 8-5 M-F then goes to clubs twice in the evenings as well. I think it’s understandable and fair enough that he just wants to read a book or have 45 mins on the Nintendo the other evenings. How much time does your son have to relax?

Exactly what I think . As long as he can swim and is safe near water then why carry on ?
My children stopped swimming when they were about 7-8 ,boys played football,rugby until going to Uni and daughter played tennis and netball .

I wouldn't force him but my DS would opt to stay in and game rather than go to his sports that he does enjoy it's just an easier option. If he has had a busy week and asks to skip an activity the rule in my house is no screens and he needs to spend the time doing something else like lego, drawing, reading etc. He then usually decides he will go. Would he go to something like cubs? Or a martial art?

Sorry, I haven’t read the whole thread. Can he actually swim? If so, then swimming seems a bit pointless. I just wanted my kids to get to the point of being safe! I encouraged one out of school activiyy a week. If my kids wanted to drop one they had to go and make their apologies to the organiser. The whole screen time thing is a separate issue that you have to discuss and agree. It seems to me if your child likes football - go with their interests!

I always let me children chose their extra-curricular but I do insist on some level of commitment after deciding on an activity.

For example, my youngest tried Shinty for 6 weeks as part of a ‘taster’ programme. At the end of the 6 weeks she decided it wasn’t for her. That’s fine.

She tried Tae Kwon Do and really enjoyed it but there are spells of ‘can’t be bothered’. I will let her stop but it’s to be on an achievement. If she wants to quit after winning a medal or gaining a grading, I know it’s real and not just, ‘can’t be bothered.’ It’s same as me going to the gym with a friend. There are many nights I ‘can’t be bothered’ but go anyway.

Swimming is non-negotiable. Like it or not - you are going until you can swim.

Exercise outdoors is non-negotiable. Humans need Vit D, fresh air and exercise. Happy for that to be family cycle rides rather than structured activities.

Screen limits are non-negotiable and seasonal. It’s reasonable to watch more TV in the Autumn/Winter and far less in the Spring/Summer.

I have a younger brother. He spends his days asleep and his nights gaming. He lives in his teenage bedroom. He is 46. That will not be happening to my children.

Forcing sport isn’t a good idea.

neither is allowing him to watch you tube all the time.

So I think sticking to swimming lessons is good as it’s a life skill and I’d be looking for something else he enjoys to get him out and about more.

It’s something I’m torn on because now years on, one of my sons said he wishes he’d stuck out football because he finds it hard being sporty. Another did drama for two weeks and said he didn’t want to go back so we left him but he’s done great in all eg Christmas plays. There’s more examples of things we let them only try due to eg money.

I look at them now and none of them do anything except for swimming and I do think they’re a bit bored sometimes. Plus I think it does do much for social aspects and then as they get older responsibility wise too if they continue.

I also think of myself giving up piano and all the people I know who’ve done exams etc. so I personally regret letting them slip out of different clubs etc

Why does it need to be sport? DS 9 does two sports but also learns a musical instrument once a week at a group and does a craft activity once a week too.

It's not all nothing!

I wouldn’t force him to do something he hated but I would encourage some kind of regular physical activity- like it could be a non team sport if he prefers that or just going out for a bike ride a couple of times a week

Could you give him the choice of swapping the swimming for the new football team as he seems to like football. Then he has the option later of swapping the more competitive football for 'something else' if you keep to the two things a week. Or swapping the swimming for something else he might like such as cadets.

Take away /limit youtube to ann hour an day and see what he wants to do then. My 9 year old doesbt watch any yiutube. It’s possible to live without it

My kids actually refused almost all after school activities and I have been/am still in same position, I just genuinely concerned so might not realise as many people don't hence why they let them watch it...

There's definitely a difference between ensuring your child does physical activity and having to do it as part of a club but if they are otherwise sedentary then when young I would make my kid do something extracurricular. I'd try to give them a choice of what, but they'd be doing something, especially throughout puberty where many (especially girls) stop doing any physical activities. Ensuring they have face to face contact with children outside their school bubble is increasingly vital.

Ummmm I actually posted two more posts sympathising as I have/have had similar issues?

The issue here is that you have two things conflated into one issue:

• He loves being on screens and has generous access to them.
• He is reluctant to engage in active / varied extracurricular activities.

It may be that he is a quiet homebody who likes not being over-scheduled, so that even when screen time is not an option, he would prefer not to go out.

It may be that screen time is so seductive that it is taking the place of other activities.

The only way you will be able to decide which is the case is to dramatically reduce screen and gaming time for a period of time- perhaps 30 mins total a day combined might be a place to start, controlled via device locks, if zero is too hard.

Once you’ve established whether he is a quiet homebody preferring to read, play, laze at home or in fact quite open to activities in the absence of screens, you can then get a more objective view of his real preferences.

Screens are addictive sadly. It sounds like you’re doing the right thing by him, to me, by pushing him to get involved in activities. I wonder if there’s a way (without going OTT) that you could incentivise him to want to do things other than sit in his room on a screen?