Making children do extra curricular activities

What are all the other things I'm going on about? They are literally what you say yourself in your own post.

You want him to carry on with swimming so he can perfect his technique, learn to dive correctly, learn badges and do lifeguarding. You might want him to do those things, but does he?

My middle child loved extra curricular activities, especially sports. Eldest and youngest did not. They all did swimming as a non negotiable but didn’t force any. I was glad to have less running around to do as I worked too. It was hard enough fitting in swimming straight after school, then football and cubs etc for DS2.

This is my opinion as well. Homebody is one thing, and kids do need unstructured downtime to develop independence. However, if they want to stay home because they prefer sitting on a screen to doing anything else, that’s different.

We don’t allow screens in the week and we also don’t force extracurriculars. Our kids have settled into about 3-4 activities each. The only time we ‘force’ participation is if they have pushed to join something at the beginning of the year, and we have paid for them to do that thing, and then they decide they can’t be bothered with it anymore halfway through the year. We do make them see through the activities that have been prepaid. They know that is the deal and make their decisions accordingly.

It sounds like he’s the kind of person who hates the idea of having to do something while enjoying it once they get there and get started.

If you know he enjoys it once there just make it clear it’s part of his week. If he seems to be hating it once there then it is probably time to look at other options.

I would be completely with you on the swimming. He will thank you for it at the end of the day.

Do you think the other good reasons for him going swimming could be met elsewhere through an alternative sport/activity that he perhaps enjoys more (that you deem acceptable of course)? Wonder if it’s worth asking him if there’s anything he would like to try?

I believe they’re referring to you saying “he can perfect his technique/learn to dive correctly/earn badges/do life guarding” when they say “those other things.” To be honest, I would have to agree if it’s you that wants him to carry on and he doesn’t necessarily. You’ve done a good thing by him by making sure he is a strong, competent swimmer, but it sounds as though it’s you that wants him to achieve those things you’ve listed and not necessarily him? I’m not trying to be harsh, but you probably need to introspect on your own motives here.

your son is way ahead of my kids in swimming and we let my daughter stop. She hated it and reached the point where she wouldn’t die immediately if she fell off a pier which was our goal. If he hates it I’d likely let him quit in favour of doing something else of his choice.

for us the limiting factors are time and money so if you’re up for more transport and spending then I’d try loads of things. Football only gets more and more competitive so worth seeing if something else sparks interest. My son does football and taekwando (and swimming but he’s desperate to quit) and my daughter dances several hours a week. They both love bouldering and climbing and my daughter does a kayak club for a week in the school holidays and an art club another week. We are considering a musical theatre camp next summer. There are so many options.

"The point is I would like him to carry on. It's only 30 minutes per week and it keeps the skill going. He can perfect his technique/learnto dive correctly/earn badges/do life guarding"

Can he swim? Yes he can. Does he want to carry on and do all those other things? No he doesn't. And because he doesn't want to do them, he will not be making an earnest effort to improve and gain those additional skills, which makes continuing a waste of time and money.

So let him stop. All you are doing now is building resentment.

I didn't hate piano, I just couldn't be bothered with practicing and I wasn't keen on my new teacher. If my parents had made me continue, with a different teacher, I am fairly sure I'd have found enjoyment in it again as I still liked playing.
But in fairness to my parents, I didn't tell them that the teacher was the issue, just that I wanted to quit.

I regret not doing things and lots of friends who regret giving up instruments. It’s hard to remember at the time you probably hated it though. you wouldn’t be happy as an activity you didn’t enjoy in your free time.

I had a friend who coached athletics and said 14 was the tricky age as other stuff does seem to very important. But if you force them then their heart isn’t in it anyway. They complain to him about stopping when they are older.

I agree, I also regret quitting lots of things. In my teens I had zero sporty interests left and gained weight. I wish I was forced to continue 1-2 things.

I very much regret quitting piano as a teenager

There’s a middle ground. I disliked violin lessons so got my mum to stop them. Adult me desperately wishes I’d stuck with it.

And he's so proud of himself now he can do these things!

Because sometimes you have to push children to give things a go, so they have the opportunity to discover what they enjoy and are good at. Me pushing DD to always do an active hobby led to her discovering volleyball, which has become her passion, so much so that she's sad it'll soon be the summer break from training and is insisting that I train with her during the holidays. I also pushed her to join an extra curricular at school and she discovered D&D that way, and found out she really enjoys it. If she had had her way, she wouldn't be doing any of these things and would have a much narrower life with less friends as a result. And in all likelihood she'd be less fit and healthy because she's at an age where girls are less active unless they're in sports and it all goes downhill from there.

Absolutely this.

I push my son to do things because he is naturally reluctant.

I pushed him to give up his beloved balance bike and learn to ride his new pedal bike because I knew he was capable of it. After the initial grumbling he got the hang of the pedal bike and was happily zooming around at the age of 3.5.

This time last year he hated the swimming pool, didn't want to go in at all and refused to let go of me when he did go in. I didn't let him stay in his comfort zone but went in hard with small group swimming lessons and taking him to the pool once or twice a week. Six months later (at just turned 4) he is happily jumping into deep water from the side of the pool, putting his whole head under, and can swim several metres without any kind of float.

He has been resistant to most things, potty training, giving up his dummy, speaking English (we are a bilingual family living in a non English speaking country). I've learned that sometimes you just have to push them through the resistance and out the other side. Once they realise that you're not going to accept them not doing it, they just get on with it.

Screens are a huge problem and rot children's brains though.

they absolutely would not be allowed to give everything up and watch brain rot at home every evening.

Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can't you just take the screens away and make sure they've got plenty of other things to occupy and entertain themselves with at home?

Not mean to say that at all, they won’t know if they like something or not unless they try.

pushing children

It’s a "normal" conversation/topic of discussion. Not inflammatory.

Don't agree with you here, I'm just a random though, to me it's NOT normal

"Some people have got real issues" you really can't see it though @Daisyblossom13 we all parent differently.

Whatever works for you though, as long as your son is happy, that must be the ultimate goal🤗