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Original poster

Sharing bills

62 replies

LovingTheSunnyDay · 09/04/2025 14:53

This is a strange thing to ask others, but I am so confused. My partner of 7 yrs didn't pay his equal bills share in April. I was waiting politely but I had to ask yesterday because there is a big biannual flat maintenance fee for me to pay ( mortgage is mine). I had no money coming from my child father since Dec and despite working 40h a week I eventually run out of funds to cover it... My partner said that this is to make me more stern with my teenage son and to allow him to cut off the broadband, when my son doesn't do his chores on time. I am so sad, confused and feeling like I am held at ransom. How can he put me in this situation? I am told he will not give me any money, but I really can't go without his share. He agreed to paying ( reluctantly) his share yrs ago and isn't it normal to share bills when living together. He can afford it, but this is apparently to make me change. Why this feels so so wrong? Am I right that it's wrong?

OP posts:
nomas · 09/04/2025 18:45

Have you checked what benefits you would be entitled to if he moves out?

twoshedsjackson · 09/04/2025 18:44

If you shift him out, you will be able to claim a discount on your council tax, as your son is not yet 18. (I know you miss your daughter dearly, but as she is now legally an adult, it would have complicated matters.)
It's not as if you're making him homeless.
Simpler than hassling him to divvy up his share!

Original poster
LovingTheSunnyDay · 09/04/2025 18:29

Unfortunately it is me who goes to work five days a week and comes home around 7pm exhausted. I will not make it without his help.Mortgage,bills, debts ( sadly...). Child benefit only. I have checked other benefits and it says I am not entitled to anything else. Working too much I guess and owning the flat... I saved up for deposit from my own money 9 years ago.

He probably wants to get out of this relationship because for years I would love us to get a house rather than living in a two bedroom flat. I wanted to be married, but he says it is on me how I discipline children. Daughter is an adult in two months and already has her own life, so it should not be a problem.

I think I am in pieces a bit.

Really appreciate the tough replies above.
Leaving work now and I'll try to talk with him about the money once I get home, but I learnt that it probably only will cause argument with me crying etc. and my boy asking what is the matter.

OP posts:
dothehokeycokey · 09/04/2025 18:11

Fuck me op kick him out now and don’t put a man before your dc ever again

literally tell him to piss off

waot for him to go to work tomorrow or go out,pack his shit up and text him that it’s on the doorstep and to post the key through the door.

no conversation about it.

I would NOT tolerate someone who slags my kids off

steff13 · 09/04/2025 18:06

I mean he needs to pay you his share, which I assume is a percentage of the total charges for the number of people in the home. But if he moves out can you afford to pay the bills on your own?

shellyleppard · 09/04/2025 18:04

As previous posters have said....get rid of the cock lodger. He's financially abusive and you don't need it

Original poster
LovingTheSunnyDay · 09/04/2025 18:02

My partner has big issues with my children. My last daughter is living with my ex husband/ but mostly with boyfriend and I miss her dearly. She doesn't get along with partner probably due to diagnosed autism. My son is a mellow teenager who has to be prompted several times to do chores ( dishwasher and rubbish) but overall he is a nice person.

My partner has his own house,in fact several that he rents out...I am not allowed to live in any of these , "because of my kids".
I understand his point of view that he doesn't want to provide for children that are not his and he doesn't feel respected by them. However knowing that I run of money this behaviour is cruel. I told him that his expectations are so high that I can add a unicorn to them. Apparently it made him upset.

OP posts:
Dinoswearunderpants · 09/04/2025 16:20

That's disgusting behaviour. I would counteract his argument and provide a rental/lodgers agreement. Wonder how much it would cost him to rent a room in a house? Might be worth finding that out.

Hankunamatata · 09/04/2025 16:16

Ok so he has gone about this totally the wrong way BUT
What is the issue with your son and your partner and chores?

bigboykitty · 09/04/2025 16:13

That's a bit silly of him. Since he has no rights to live in your house (which he lives in rent-free), tell him if he's not going to share bills, he has 24 hours to move out and take all his stuff. I suggest you swap the controlling cocklodger for an actual lodger who pays rent.

unsync · 09/04/2025 16:08

This is financial abuse. He's using money to control you. Not acceptable. He needs to go.

Walker1178 · 09/04/2025 15:27

He can afford it, but this is apparently to make me change.

I’d say the only thing that needs to change is his address! Let the cheeky freeloader know if he doesn’t like living in your home he can bugger off and set his own rules elsewhere.