Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing bills

62 replies

LovingTheSunnyDay · 09/04/2025 14:53

This is a strange thing to ask others, but I am so confused. My partner of 7 yrs didn't pay his equal bills share in April. I was waiting politely but I had to ask yesterday because there is a big biannual flat maintenance fee for me to pay ( mortgage is mine). I had no money coming from my child father since Dec and despite working 40h a week I eventually run out of funds to cover it... My partner said that this is to make me more stern with my teenage son and to allow him to cut off the broadband, when my son doesn't do his chores on time. I am so sad, confused and feeling like I am held at ransom. How can he put me in this situation? I am told he will not give me any money, but I really can't go without his share. He agreed to paying ( reluctantly) his share yrs ago and isn't it normal to share bills when living together. He can afford it, but this is apparently to make me change. Why this feels so so wrong? Am I right that it's wrong?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Original poster
LovingTheSunnyDay · 22/04/2025 00:17

@iamnotalemon Fully agree.

I'm nearly thinking that his behavior is a bit out of character. Madness, and it would be madness for me to put up with this. I am sorry but my children come first, fully realised when he says now my barely 15 yrs old has to get a job. I don't think so.He has exams soon. Some summer holidays job maybe.

Overall he makes me angry now.

OP posts:
nietzscheanvibe · 19/04/2025 15:17

Hankunamatata · 09/04/2025 16:16

Ok so he has gone about this totally the wrong way BUT
What is the issue with your son and your partner and chores?

WTAF?

Original poster
LovingTheSunnyDay · 19/04/2025 15:13

I am glad I' ve got out from renting 9 yrs ago ( but I saved for years for deposit). I would be paying much more if I was renting. Small flat but therefore bills are lower compared to house. I have always dreamed about house though....

OP posts:
Original poster
LovingTheSunnyDay · 19/04/2025 15:09

@Bonjovispyjamas I get it, but it was a friendly hug and kiss after a chat with both of us telling each other what hurts us.

I am taking in the advice and somehow it makes me more in control. Thanks to you guys here my head is cooling and even I start feeling more and more detached.

@dogcatkitten I am with Halifax and they offer mortgage holiday or 6 months interest only mortgage. Of course after that the overall monthly amount is higher. It's a short term option to get back on my feet and carry on.

OP posts:
Bonjovispyjamas · 19/04/2025 14:13

You were kissing and cuddling him even after he walked out on you? Sadly it seems nothing any of us say will get through to you.

Eldermillennialmum · 19/04/2025 14:03

OP he's not a good guy. I know it's scary but the issue with your children isn't going to go away even when they grow up it will be something else. He's controlling. It sounds like he gets "upset" when you say what you think so you're walking on eggshells. Dump the git.

mylittlekomododragon · 19/04/2025 13:53

Sell the car and quit with the dick pandering. You have behaved disgracefully to your children.

nomas · 19/04/2025 13:41

Definitely sell the car and keep the money.

It’s not spiteful to take what you’re owed.

Silvercoconut · 19/04/2025 13:25

Hankunamatata · 09/04/2025 16:16

Ok so he has gone about this totally the wrong way BUT
What is the issue with your son and your partner and chores?

Irrelevant.

dogcatkitten · 19/04/2025 12:59

Can you get a mortgage holiday, or reduce your payments for a while to give you a bit of extra cash?

I agree with others that he's using you and not paying his way as a way to control you. It is a difficult situation if you rely on him helping with bills, but can you live with someone like that now you know what he is really like? Not knowing whether you will have the money for your bills or not, is almost worse than knowing you don't have it and figuring something out.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 19/04/2025 12:43

TwistedWonder · 19/04/2025 11:10

But still you chase him - get a grip ffs

He's an abusive cunt and yet hes got you dangling on a string putting him before your DC

Edited
Show quote history

This. @LovingTheSunnyDay you need to be strong for you and your children, don't let him back, don't visit him, don't try to talk about your relationship. IT'S OVER and that's the best thing for you and your children.

iamnotalemon · 19/04/2025 12:36

Please put your children first, not this knobhead.

Original poster
LovingTheSunnyDay · 19/04/2025 12:01

@gottakeeponmoving My old car is worth only £200-300 .. So not much.

@Watermill I start seeing it this way. Definitely not decent, despite always being perceived by others as such

OP posts:
Original poster
LovingTheSunnyDay · 19/04/2025 11:49

@TheAmusedQuail I have just run it through entitled to. £12.7/week universal credit if my daughter moves in( I will have to sleep on the sofa, only two bed flat). And £0.0 in situation now, just me and DS.

OP posts:
Watermill · 19/04/2025 11:44

He owes you money so sell the car. Block him on everything. He’s a very nasty piece of work.

gottakeeponmoving · 19/04/2025 11:33

Sell your old car. Why do you need 2 cars?

gottakeeponmoving · 19/04/2025 11:31

You will get single person discount for Council Tax.

TheAmusedQuail · 19/04/2025 11:29

LovingTheSunnyDay · 19/04/2025 11:16

@TheAmusedQuail I can't. I checked this. I only get child benefit. Maybe once you are in 40h job with a mortgage you don't get anything else. Actually it said that I can get £3 week for helping with mortgage. You don't get housing benefit, universal credit etc.

This is strange. I have a good friend, single mum, one child, works full-time with a mortgage. Obviously, I don't know how much she gets but she definitely gets benefit top up of some sort.

Original poster
LovingTheSunnyDay · 19/04/2025 11:16

@TheAmusedQuail I can't. I checked this. I only get child benefit. Maybe once you are in 40h job with a mortgage you don't get anything else. Actually it said that I can get £3 week for helping with mortgage. You don't get housing benefit, universal credit etc.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 19/04/2025 11:10

LovingTheSunnyDay · 19/04/2025 11:08

@TwistedWonder I also find that horrible and hard to forget.

But still you chase him - get a grip ffs

He's an abusive cunt and yet hes got you dangling on a string putting him before your DC

TheAmusedQuail · 19/04/2025 11:09

Let this man go. If he stays with you, he will continue to control and abuse you and your children.

If he goes, you can apply for benefit to help you afford your bills.

Original poster
LovingTheSunnyDay · 19/04/2025 11:08

@TwistedWonder I also find that horrible and hard to forget.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovingTheSunnyDay · 19/04/2025 11:07

As I said earlier he moved out because I answered to his "love you" on Thursday morning - it doesn't feel like love...He got apparently very hurt.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovingTheSunnyDay · 19/04/2025 11:05

Maybe you are right. He says it's his last resort for making me realise that he is not happy with lack of respect.

But he is cold and thought quite smitten with himself despite telling me that he also feels unwell and stressed. Only two weeks ago we had a lovely weekend with great very long walk on the moors ..... He actually said that it was a very good time.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 19/04/2025 11:04

So you continue to chase a man who calls your DC obnoxious? I can not believe you not only entertain a man who speaks like that, you romanticise him like he’s Prince Charming.
The first time he disrespected your children was the day his bags should have been packed.

FFS give your head a wobble and prioritise kids over cock.

This place never ceases to amaze me with how low the bar is set and how in 2025 women still pander to useless fuckers

Swipe left for the next trending thread