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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DS(8) not invited to party

562 replies

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:01

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

OP posts:
Walkerzoo · 09/04/2025 20:36

Omg! I can't believe the mum.
Please don't back down. Your home is your child's safe place. Never give compromised by a mad woman and a birthday party
Good luck!

Icanttakethisanymore · 09/04/2025 20:36

What an absolute cheeky fucker.

JustSawJohnny · 09/04/2025 20:35

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 20:34

This is roughly what I said.
she has backtracked and apologised saying she wasn’t not inviting him just worried about how party being at DS’s house would affect the day for her DS

That's quite the backtrack!

Well done for standing up to her, OP.

It was a very kind offer and she's made things needlessly awkward.

murasaki · 09/04/2025 20:35

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 20:34

This is roughly what I said.
she has backtracked and apologised saying she wasn’t not inviting him just worried about how party being at DS’s house would affect the day for her DS

Well if she's worried about that, she can go elsewhere.

Also, she was back pedalling and lying.

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 20:34

EnterFunnyNameHere · 09/04/2025 20:09

I think you just go back and say something like "I'm not sure how to reply to this. You can't be expecting an 8 year old boy to stay in a house and watch his friend have a party in his own garden, whilst not being able to join in? And you're surely not expecting we just vacate our house for the day!" Leave it to her to explain what she thinks is reasonable here!

This is roughly what I said.
she has backtracked and apologised saying she wasn’t not inviting him just worried about how party being at DS’s house would affect the day for her DS

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 09/04/2025 20:33

I’d say that your son thinks he is invited and would be very upset to have to remain indoors whilst a party he thought he would be attending is happening in his garden. Is she doesn’t respond with oh yes sorry how rude of me, then i’d be cancelling as she is very rude.

Ladyluckinred · 09/04/2025 20:32

What did you end up responding with, OP?

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 09/04/2025 20:30

“I’m not going to tell my son not to play in his own garden. Given we’ve done this as a favour I don’t think inviting him would be too much to ask.”

TunnocksOrDeath · 09/04/2025 20:25

I’d be telling her that she should be finding another venue then. The absolute cheek!

Bestfootforward11 · 09/04/2025 20:21

Take the shine off her DS??! Good grief, some people are bonkers.

NC28 · 09/04/2025 20:16

I genuinely struggle to believe this is real! Absolutely mental from that woman.

I think that if you let this party go ahead and your son has to look longingly out of a window like some orphan in a Christmas film waiting to find a family, you’ll be sending a terrible message that he’s far from your priority.

He can’t stand up for himself in this situation, so it’s your (and your husband’s) job. Don’t let this go ahead.

surreygirl1987 · 09/04/2025 20:10

EnterFunnyNameHere · 09/04/2025 20:09

I think you just go back and say something like "I'm not sure how to reply to this. You can't be expecting an 8 year old boy to stay in a house and watch his friend have a party in his own garden, whilst not being able to join in? And you're surely not expecting we just vacate our house for the day!" Leave it to her to explain what she thinks is reasonable here!

Good answer.

surreygirl1987 · 09/04/2025 20:09

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2025 14:09

This.

"If that's the case then I'm going to have to rescind the offer, as we are unwilling to vacate our home and garden for you to hold an event"

I'd not reignite it if she backtracked either. Your house is now off the table.

This! I can't believe people like that exist. So kind of you to let her use your garden etc too!

EnterFunnyNameHere · 09/04/2025 20:09

I think you just go back and say something like "I'm not sure how to reply to this. You can't be expecting an 8 year old boy to stay in a house and watch his friend have a party in his own garden, whilst not being able to join in? And you're surely not expecting we just vacate our house for the day!" Leave it to her to explain what she thinks is reasonable here!

RampantIvy · 09/04/2025 20:05

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 09/04/2025 20:01

Hahahaha that would be hilarious.

That's a brilliant idea. The children will want to gatecrash the party 😁

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 09/04/2025 20:01

MayaPinion · 09/04/2025 19:45

Invite 20 of DS close friends round for the afternoon to arrive half an hour before her party is due to start. The kids will probably love it but the mum would be furious.

Hahahaha that would be hilarious.

Tigerlilian · 09/04/2025 20:00

As pp has said - are you insured for this kind of thing. What is one of the kids has an accident using whatever the equipment is?

WhatColourIsThatBalloon · 09/04/2025 19:56

Eggsboxedandmelting · 09/04/2025 14:46

Just send a breezy" ha you had me going there... I am sure guests will know who's party it is, ds will be on hand if anyone needs any help using the equipment.. Hopefully all of the dc will have a great time. ".
From op..

This

Ellmau · 09/04/2025 19:55

Alternative reply:

DS was looking forward to co-hosting Oliver's party - but congratulations on finding another venue.

Schoolchoicesucks · 09/04/2025 19:54

JustSawJohnny · 09/04/2025 18:54

Agree that you need to rescind.

I'd give a breezy 'It sounds like this isn't going to work out for everyone, is it? It's obviously unfair for us to have to send DC away from/keep him inside his own home while there is a party going on outside. Best if you find a different venue, I think. I'll ask DH to forward you alternatives, if he can think of any local. Thanks'.

And block the blatantly cheeky bitch.

This reply is great. Maybe mention "while his friend's party" is going on rather than just "a party" to spell it out to her (as she has no common sense) how awful it would be for your son.

Pushmepullu · 09/04/2025 19:53

Not RTFT but has the question of insurance come up? If it’s your child’s party and someone is injured your own insurance will cover it. If an unknown child is injured whilst at a party on your property you would have a job convincing your insurers that the host didn’t pay to hire the facilities.

Thesehills · 09/04/2025 19:51

Absolutely not! She's out of her mind and bloody rude. Tell her it's off because of her decision. Cheeky cow!

mommybear1 · 09/04/2025 19:47

Absolutely not - I think you are being very generous to ask her to reconsider and still host the party. Definitely cancel it if she does not accept your more than generous offer.

MayaPinion · 09/04/2025 19:47

Or, ‘No, that’s not happening. Either DS is a welcome guest in his own home or you find another venue’.

Gemmawemma9 · 09/04/2025 19:47

I would cancel and I wouldn’t be shy in telling EVERYONE why. Don’t let her paint you and your son as the bad ones!! Nobody in their right mind would disagree with you!!!

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