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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS(8) not invited to party

562 replies

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:01

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

OP posts:
Blackkittenfluff · 10/04/2025 00:17

Oh my god.
I've heard it all now.
Cancel it all.
Cheeky mare.

treesandsun · 10/04/2025 00:14

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 09/04/2025 20:46

I bet she did backtrack quickly -she must have shit herself when your message came through and she was potentially losing her free venue!!!

Totally agree - bet she saw her free venue which had been kindly offered as a favour disappearing for her child because of her appallingly rude behaviour. The absolute brass neck of her..

StScholastica · 10/04/2025 00:01

Good Lord, I've heard it all.
She is absolutely not doing her DS any favours by turning his party into something so competitive..
She's the sort of Mum who puts her 10yr old son into a football class for 7 year olds just so that he'll be the best.
Outrageous and Selfish arse.
I'm glad you tackled her.

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/04/2025 23:56

weirdoboelady · 09/04/2025 23:39

My usual caveat - haven't read all thread but have read all the OP.

I have a sort of sneaking sympathy for the mum. She's keen for her DS to follow his passion and use your generously offered facilities, but anxious that he won't be seen as the party boy if your DS takes over because of his presumably higher expertise.

Would it be possible to explain this to your DS, and clarify that it is CFDS special day and you are hoping that your DS will be able to be a lovely host and support CFDS in feeling special and having a lovely day, even though you and your DS both know that he is far better at this activity? Help him to support CFDS and big him up, a bit?

What's going to happen though if one of the other DC's is naturally good at the activity? Especially if it is a popular activity, maybe more than one will be better at it than the birthday boy.

murasaki · 09/04/2025 23:42

Isn't it just awful that that the OP's family came down with norovirus and had to cancel all visitors....

friendlycat · 09/04/2025 23:40

This is just too extraordinary for words and that’s saying something on this forum.

How a mother can have thought your DS should not have been invited and her DS could have had his party on your property is beyond comprehension.

She might have back tracked but boy it’s way too late. What an awful position she’s put you in as I can understand that you don’t want to ruin her son’s party but she really should be making alternative arrangements.

weirdoboelady · 09/04/2025 23:39

My usual caveat - haven't read all thread but have read all the OP.

I have a sort of sneaking sympathy for the mum. She's keen for her DS to follow his passion and use your generously offered facilities, but anxious that he won't be seen as the party boy if your DS takes over because of his presumably higher expertise.

Would it be possible to explain this to your DS, and clarify that it is CFDS special day and you are hoping that your DS will be able to be a lovely host and support CFDS in feeling special and having a lovely day, even though you and your DS both know that he is far better at this activity? Help him to support CFDS and big him up, a bit?

TheSilentSister · 09/04/2025 23:39

Can't believe the cheeky cow's first thought was to ask you to exclude your DS! If she really thought your DS would outshine then she should have politely declined and found another venue.

Lotsofsnacks · 09/04/2025 23:21

Stick up for your son OP don’t be passive! Hes either invited or party is off. I cannot believe the people on here who are walked over by CFs!! And in your own son’s house, no way :(

valentinka31 · 09/04/2025 23:18

omg that is unbelievable.

You have to say:

I'm so sorry but it would really upset DS and it is his friend and his house, so yes, it would be awful if he had to stay inside the house. I'm not sure how you thought that would work. If you don't want him there, then I'm sorry but you'll have to do it elsewhere. That would also upset him now though. I think he should just come and I'll have a word with him to try not to dominate.

but truly I'd hate having her there now, and the party. Awful.

Curlycurio · 09/04/2025 23:14

She's a total weasel. Weaseled her way into having her son throw his birthday in your garden, tried to weasel your son out of the party, now trying to weasel back into your good books only long enough to have the party. Then she'll be on her weasely way. Honestly I'd cancel just so she doesn't benefit from her weasely ways.

Masmavi · 09/04/2025 23:10

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:03

I'd be rescinding the offer, she is taking cheeky fuckery to new levels here.

Well said!

Chungai · 09/04/2025 23:07

Cheeky cow. Make the party the last time she sets foot in your house.

CautiousLurker01 · 09/04/2025 23:02

Am only watching now in the hope that Op’s DH comes home and says ‘Eff that, she can have her party somewhere else!’

OP I would try not to pander to a ‘friend’ via an extra curricular activity. You genuinely will not know them in a few years once kids move onto different classes/levels/schools. It’s okay to explain to your DS that the mum misunderstood and wanted to use his garden and sports kit but didn’t want you all there (just lump yourselves together so it’s not about him). It’s okay to explain that sometimes grown ups are not nice or perfect and when they mess up it’s not about you or him.

I really would avoid hosting if possible not least because of the possible fall out if there are injuries on your premises, given you are not ensured and it is not ‘your’ party - and you are being expressly excluded.

Londonrach1 · 09/04/2025 22:48

Remove the invite. Have you insurance for this party to be held anyway

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/04/2025 22:42

clickyteeclick · 09/04/2025 22:08

Ok…now I have to know what the Mexican house thief is all about!? 🤔😂

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Ahh the Mexican House Thief! Such fond, fond memories of the olden days 😂.

It was one comment on a cheeky fucker thread but someone somewhere always has it saved and comes up trumps. Alas that person is not me.

Rainbowqueeen · 09/04/2025 22:39

I'd go back with something like "I'm still a little confused. It's always been our garden so this would always have been an issue and something for you to take into consideration when you chose whether or not to accept our offer"

Fraaances · 09/04/2025 22:32

She’s a total cf! Absolutely cancel!!!

viques · 09/04/2025 22:09

So glad the party is going ahead with both boys taking part. With any luck neither of them will ever realise there was a hiatus.

clickyteeclick · 09/04/2025 22:08

FamingolosForDays · 09/04/2025 19:43

This HAS to take the biscuit in cheeky fuckery here. (And I was on the Mexican house thief thread!)

OP you would be doing your son a disservice by letting you and your family be walked all over here. You made such a kind offer to this woman and now.. what, she wants you to just not be there? She's got more brass neck than a 10 piece band!

Ok…now I have to know what the Mexican house thief is all about!? 🤔😂

Lavenderflower · 09/04/2025 21:49

This is actually disgusting.

NewAgeNewMe · 09/04/2025 21:43

Well done. She’s either backtracked because she saw your thread or someone she knows has.

Busybeemumm · 09/04/2025 21:43

Just wow. How on earth did this cf think this would go down with you. So selfish! This tops all those DD/DS party invite threads.

wasn’t not inviting him just worried about how party being at DS’s house would affect the day for her DS

In that case she should just find another venue!

GiddyCrab · 09/04/2025 21:42

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2025 14:09

This.

"If that's the case then I'm going to have to rescind the offer, as we are unwilling to vacate our home and garden for you to hold an event"

I'd not reignite it if she backtracked either. Your house is now off the table.

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Yes this. CF!!!!