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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS(8) not invited to party

562 replies

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:01

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

OP posts:
LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 11/04/2025 09:02

JojoM1981 · 11/04/2025 08:52

Nope. No party at all.

Show quote history

Agree expecting the son to stay in the house is beyond ridiculous. The only way it could possibly work is to take him out for the day but then you wouldn’t be there to supervise what was happening / help with the equipment etc and the son would still be confused why he was going out when his friend was coming over

JojoM1981 · 11/04/2025 08:52

Hodnett32 · 10/04/2025 18:42

if you son is expected to stay in the house while the party goes ahead, say that's fine, but just in case the children get the wrong impression it's best they all stay in the garden for the duration of the party. so that means no access to the house, so no toilets, no hand washing etc, etc.. .

Nope. No party at all.

Petra42 · 11/04/2025 07:58

I'm confused, is this still going ahead?

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 11/04/2025 07:19

Have you arranged all the logistical elements with her? You said she is sorting food but does that include plates/cups/napkins etc. Is she bringing the cleaning stuff to tidy up after or do you need to sort that. Who’s making sure the toilet has plenty of toilet paper?
its good to make sure you are fully aligned on all things and try ensure it doesn’t end up costing you.

hippopandamouse · 11/04/2025 06:36

Happy to use your home and your equipment to host her child’s party and somehow thinks it’s okay to suggest your child isn’t welcome to attend in their own home?! How bloody rude!

Birdshitbridgegotme · 11/04/2025 02:46

Send her this thread! Then wait for her reply!

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 11/04/2025 02:28

Is your husband helping them use the equipment during the party and presumably you will be overseeing other things so who does she expect to look after your son during this time or does she expect you to not be involved.

Lisajacj70 · 11/04/2025 01:05

wow. Just… wow. Your son- and family are being kind enough to share his/your home and equipment in order for this ‘friend’ to have a good time on his birthday- and she wants to exclude dS and keep him out of his own garden while other children are playing with his things and partying . Andshes not paying for the inconvenience to you all. un-effing-believable!! There is sone good advice above. Good luck! X

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 10/04/2025 23:32

shellyleppard · 09/04/2025 14:04

What a bloody cheek!!! I would charge her for "hiring" the equipment and spend it on your son

This

weirdoboelady · 10/04/2025 23:31

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/04/2025 23:56

What's going to happen though if one of the other DC's is naturally good at the activity? Especially if it is a popular activity, maybe more than one will be better at it than the birthday boy.

Show quote history

Absolutely fine. The important thing is that DS becomes a host (it's his garden, after all) and helps CFDS to feel like a birthday boy. The OP should work with CF mum to ensure this is a learning experience which everyone enjoys rather than a competition where someone (who is not the birthday boy lol) shines, which seems to me to be what CFmum is scared about.

WendyA22 · 10/04/2025 23:04

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:01

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

I'd send her all these replies. Maybe she hasn't realised she's being a cheeky cow?

Cariadm · 10/04/2025 21:33

macaroniandcheeze · 09/04/2025 14:07

Haha what is WRONG with people?! It’s in his own back garden and he’s expected to just stay indoors? This woman is mad. Tell her your son will be using the garden and the equipment whether he’s invited or not!!

You beat me to it!! 😊
It should have been a foregone conclusion that your DS would be at the party being held in 'his' garden the use off which was offered out of the goodness of your DH's heart!!😇
Anyone who doesn't understand that without it being explained to them needs to give their head a serious very hard wobble and you should not have to be in the position of having to do that explaining...she needs to find somewhere else for her party and take her seriously entitled and rather stupid attitude with her PDQ as far as I'm concerned!!🙄

Evilwitchwhoroams · 10/04/2025 21:04

Gall10 · 09/04/2025 14:11

I’d still let the party go ahead but I’d charge an entrance fee per child…maybe around £19.99 per head (money to go towards toilet facilities, hand washing, towel laundry, carpet wear & tear, presents for neighbours before they complain about the noise made by children who don’t live at your property, waste disposal etc etc etc)
If this isn’t agreeable she can a,ways find somewhere else!

THIS!

EdithBond · 10/04/2025 20:47

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 20:34

This is roughly what I said.
she has backtracked and apologised saying she wasn’t not inviting him just worried about how party being at DS’s house would affect the day for her DS

Show quote history

So, what’s she saying?

  • Is she hinting she may pull out of having it at yours, have it elsewhere but not invite your DS?
  • Or stressing to you (the people who’ve been kind and hospitable) about the potential negatives of your offer, while still going ahead?
  • Or digging for assurances you’ll make sure your DS doesn’t lord it up over birthday boy?

She sounds a bit neurotic and/or unable to directly communicate.

Pippyls67 · 10/04/2025 20:37

“It is cruel for a child to know others are partying in his garden and not be allowed to join them. For this reason I’m sorry but we must withdrawer the offer. If it was your child’s garden I’m sure you would feel the same.”

Girltoddler · 10/04/2025 20:37

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 20:34

This is roughly what I said.
she has backtracked and apologised saying she wasn’t not inviting him just worried about how party being at DS’s house would affect the day for her DS

Show quote history

Have you cancelled the party? Say no to her using your property even if she reluctantly invites your son.

RawBloomers · 10/04/2025 20:33

celia5678 · 10/04/2025 20:13

I would text her the day before and say I have come down with novo virus
sorry can’t accommodate your party

Why on earth would you do that to all those kids?

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 10/04/2025 20:26

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 20:34

This is roughly what I said.
she has backtracked and apologised saying she wasn’t not inviting him just worried about how party being at DS’s house would affect the day for her DS

Show quote history

Well then, don’t have a party at another child’s house 🙄. Honestly.

celia5678 · 10/04/2025 20:13

I would text her the day before and say I have come down with novo virus
sorry can’t accommodate your party

momtoboys · 10/04/2025 19:57

As a previous poster said she is a cheeky cow. Tell her they are no longer welcome to your nice offer.

Elly46 · 10/04/2025 19:34

Honestly unbelievable. I’d cancel just on principle. That your family member’s home!

MyTwinklyPanda · 10/04/2025 19:30

Ladyluckinred · 09/04/2025 14:15

So she wants her son to learn the sport but doesn’t want your son, who is experienced, to be there and perhaps teach the other kids a thing or two? Sounds like she’s on a power trip. What kind of person tells someone to leave their own house?! She’s not bloody paying you anything either. OP, I don’t even think you should insist on your son being there, if you do decide to let her have the party at yours, your son will be there, you don’t need to tell her, it’s his house! However, I would cancel it because she’s clearly an entitled dickhead.

Probably still breastfeeding little jonny too!

MyTwinklyPanda · 10/04/2025 19:28

Tell her due to insurance purposes it can't take place. How rude of her! You're not a licensed children's entertainment centre so I'd back fully away from them completely and avoid them for good. She's a silly cow.

Caddycat · 10/04/2025 19:26

How close are you to the other mums? I'd make sure that everybody at this party knows that she asked you to keep your boy away. Maybe drop the link to this post in your whatsapp group.

5128gap · 10/04/2025 19:23

Nameftgigb · 10/04/2025 18:28

So how do you go about checking that every guest in your party is worse in an activity than your children, just so they can feel smug on their birthdays? Do you check there’s no tumblers on your lists in case of trampoline parks (my niece is an Olympic gymnast and would put most children in the world to shame)? No amazing footballers or swimmers for football or pool parties? No competitive horse riders for pony parties? Absolutely no one at all can excel in any activity at a party so that your children look better? What a poor way to raise a child

Show quote history

I don't know. I'm not the woman. I have no knowledge of how she raises her child. All I know is she's told the OP it will be an issue for her, and it will, because those things bother HER. And I'm suggesting when it is an issue, she will probably cause more hassle for OP by saying "I told you so.." and possibly also try to sideline OPs DS/accuse him of stealing the limelight etc. So if I were the OP I wouldn't entertain it for those reasons.