DS(8) not invited to party

I'd confirm with her that your Son is invited now that she's backtracked then when the party is over & done with send her an invoice of costs. Itemise it so it covers hire of venue (your garden), hire of equipment, Cleaning of toilet facilities, tidying up fee etc. She assumed you'd be ok with your Son not attending, then you go ahead & assume she'd be paying for the privilege of using your home & equipment for the party. She's a total CF!

Of course she won’t, as the op has already said that’s not really going to work and she’s agreed. She won’t come back to try again to exclude the ds, and the op is sufficiently incensed she would cancel the party if she did.

Is being a doormat your standard response when people ask you for a favor, even near total strangers?
You need to learn the word, "No."
This mother clearly let you know where you and your son stand in all of this and it's not as an invited member of the party.
It wouldn't surprise me if she came back asking if your husband can attend to coach the attendees on this sport but you and your son stay away, please?
You truly care entirely too much what other people think, to the extent you've imagined what she could say about yoi, but not even considered how people would react were you to tell them how she's treated you. You have the agency to defend yourself, 100%, with the truth but you can't seem to bring yourself to do it.
People who treat others poorly continue to do so because they count on the other person a fear or good nature to protect them from their bullying cloning to light.

WOW! I thought this length of entitlement only happened in the US! I would be telling the woman to shove it and go somewhere else to have said party-OR- she will be charged $1000 for the use of the yard, pre-paid in advance with a $1000 non-refundable security deposit.

That's really not nice of her. I just had my son's 9th birthday party yesterday and allowed parents to bring extra kids when needed even though each kid cost extra because the more the merrier and what adult would want a child to feel left out?

I wouldn't push her to invite your son. If you force her she'll resent him and it will make thing uncomfortable for him. Just tell her that's fine and that she'll have to find a new place to do the party, then let that be the end of that.

I would reply and say I perfectly understand and agree, under the circumstances it would be best if she made other arrangements for the party elsewhere.

Bloody hell OP, you need to exhibit self respect here because she clearly believes you and your husband are total mugs.

I would be mortified to think that someone would believe that I would tolerate such unbelievable rudeness.

She is a CF.
Cut her down to size firmly.
The party is not being held in your home.
She was clearly thinking you would absent yourself and your own child.
Unbelievable.

Your neighbor foolishly created a problem where there would likely have been none. Children know who the birthday boy is, and there may always be someone at a party who is more popular at school, or did she see to it that they weren't invited either. Her own son may be disappointed that his friend isn't there, and she might have her own explaining to do to him. "I didn't want ? there because he's better than you, and I thought your friends would like him more." Talk about destructive! Your son should definitely attend, and the choice to continue with the party at your house is hers.

Omg, this absolutely needs to be a storyline on Amandaland next season, with Amanda of course being the CF (you just know she'd pull this kind of self-absorbed crap!) 😂 I really hope Sharon Horgan and the other show writers are reading this 🤣

What have I just read..beggars belief the sheer stupidity of the woman in question. Shameless,horrible behaviour. This is one of those threads that will stay with me for quite some time.

So this party - it is soon . Tomorrow?

I think the birthday boy would be gutted if it was cancelled and the other guests .I also think trying to add a fee or insurance is too late in the day
Say to the CF mum " I donknow what you're thinking but my DS is looking forward to seeing his friends . We are happy to let you use our facilities as friends . And I'm guessing you want my DH on board to coach / supervise? So my DS will be there and be made welcome . No hint of hostility from you . Its in your court . "

Then she knows uif she wants to throw the baby out with the bathwater it's on her .

It’s not great. However, it’s the sort of thing that might fleetingly pass through many parents’ minds but is inappropriate to voice, especially to the person doing you an enormous favour. Whereas the original is outright mean towards OP and her DS and hugely entitled.

So you’re talking about the difference between being socially awkward or just plain nasty. The first I’d treat very differently from the second.

I would reply simply....You're joking, right?? No sane adult could think this is an ok request!

It’s only the CF of a mum who doesn’t want him there !

everyone else may like him? And secretly be made up he’s there

But the mum knows.

her son won’t know this happened though and is excited about it, plus the other boy hasn’t done anything wrong. Still hosting the party is fine!

I think now she’s backtracked and said she doesn’t know how it will work the party is on, but you can always reply coolly ‘there will always be some kids who are pretty good at something, but if you want to cancel we’d understand.’

Why though? The son isn't wanted at the party. Would you be comfortable your child only being asked to a party just because you kicked up a fuss? Op needs to withdraw her offer asap just for them being a complete CF.

I really can’t believe you are asking this question, I am raging for you.

Tell the woman your son is going to the party, as it’s in YOUR hours, explain to her if he’s not invited then there won’t be a party in YOUR house.

Im sorry OP but she obviously doesn’t like you or your son, so you don’t have anything to loose, don’t try and be friends with her.

If there is any fallout so what, you don’t want your son friends with people like that.

If you do go the party make sure your son shows off his skills infront of everyone there. I would make a point of saying to people ‘ah can you believe she told us not to come in case my son took the shine of hers’

Good luck OP, don’t be spineless, this will be good for you ❤️

If this is the case then they should never have accepted the offer to have the party there and she also needs to be firm with her son here.

Also is it her DS telling her he doesn’t want your son there because if that’s the case he’s not a real friend and maybe the “play dates” have been to allow cheeky mum some child free time.

I wouldn’t vacate the house, I’d need to be there to check that none of the little darlings ran rampages through the garden or annexe and damaged or stole the equipment or destroyed the garden.

If the little darlings enjoy themselves they will be wanting to come back - expect lots more checks requests even kids breaking into your garden if people know when you go away.

So effectively the CF still gets the party? Think I might start acting like an arse to get what I want in future...🤔🙄

I should imagine so-with the son invited under sufferance!

I've been waiting to see what your DH said when you told him. He made a very kind offer and this is how she treats his DS! Please let us know what he said about this.

But even what she is saying she meant is not appropriate