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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS(8) not invited to party

562 replies

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:01

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

OP posts:
Doseofreality · 09/04/2025 14:23

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:19

I can definitely see the idea of cancelling as appealing and I will try and avoid future involvement with this women

But DS is friends with this boy and they do a club together, If we cancelled at short notice it would obviously be spread around that we are horrible and ds might loose friends. Also it’s not her DS’s fault really.

They are not friends, if they were there would be an invite to the party.

I’d let the party go ahead but I’d set up a BBQ right in the middle of it. I’d also decided that it was a really good time to jet wash and in between I’d be loudly telling all the party attendees that they weren’t allowed to stand where the were as that wasn’t part of the free venue hire contract.

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:22

So where's she doing the party tea, your house or hers? Where are all these kids going to the loo? You're being massively taken advantage of here. Does your son know he's not invited, and won't a late invitation upset him?

Original poster
idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:22

noidea69 · 09/04/2025 14:16

Blimey. What does your DH think to this ?

what is she expecting your son to do on the day of the party, sit in the house looking out at of the window at all the other children having fun in his back garden.

He’s at work, probably will be braver than me and want to cancel.

im just worried about repercussions for ds if we do.

OP posts:
OlafPie · 09/04/2025 14:20

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:03

I'd be rescinding the offer, she is taking cheeky fuckery to new levels here.

Absolutely this!

Original poster
idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:19

I can definitely see the idea of cancelling as appealing and I will try and avoid future involvement with this women

But DS is friends with this boy and they do a club together, If we cancelled at short notice it would obviously be spread around that we are horrible and ds might loose friends. Also it’s not her DS’s fault really.

OP posts:
Rewis · 09/04/2025 14:18

My default assumption is that people suck. Yet, sometimes I'm still shocked how shitty they can be

Tooshytoshine · 09/04/2025 14:18

I think I would be disingenuous if I wanted to maintain the friendship...

"I have read this a couple of times and am wondering if you have mistyped or I have misunderstood your message?"

Make her explain and hopefully she will check herself before she wrecks herself...

QuillBill · 09/04/2025 14:17

She’s mad as a box of frogs. I think you should tell her she can’t hold her child’s birthday party in your garden using your dh’s equipment. I would not want my ds at the party anymore as he’s not wanted there!

It’s completely outrageous to suggest that your ds isn’t invited to a friends birthday party in his own home because he’s good at the activity! It’s a step up from Bob Cratchett.

noidea69 · 09/04/2025 14:16

Blimey. What does your DH think to this ?

what is she expecting your son to do on the day of the party, sit in the house looking out at of the window at all the other children having fun in his back garden.

Ladyluckinred · 09/04/2025 14:15

So she wants her son to learn the sport but doesn’t want your son, who is experienced, to be there and perhaps teach the other kids a thing or two? Sounds like she’s on a power trip. What kind of person tells someone to leave their own house?! She’s not bloody paying you anything either. OP, I don’t even think you should insist on your son being there, if you do decide to let her have the party at yours, your son will be there, you don’t need to tell her, it’s his house! However, I would cancel it because she’s clearly an entitled dickhead.

RedHelenB · 09/04/2025 14:15

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:08

Thankyou for the replies, I hadn’t yet replied but needed to check I wasn’t being unreasonable and missing something.

Party is very soon and would be putting her out a lot to cancel. I think the most reasonable option would be to just insist it’s only fair that ds gets to go and I think she would agree to that above cancelling the whole party.

Mummy martyr time. Tell her NO.

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:14

Gall10 · 09/04/2025 14:11

I’d still let the party go ahead but I’d charge an entrance fee per child…maybe around £19.99 per head (money to go towards toilet facilities, hand washing, towel laundry, carpet wear & tear, presents for neighbours before they complain about the noise made by children who don’t live at your property, waste disposal etc etc etc)
If this isn’t agreeable she can a,ways find somewhere else!

This is a good point, there will be a load of kids traipsing through your house, using your bathroom, kitchen and living room, while your kid isn't allowed out. No way.

And I agree that it's insulting to your son to be 'allowed' in order to facilitate her showing off.

Ablondiebutagoody · 09/04/2025 14:14

"I don't want DS to be locked inside whilst the party happens or for him to be invited just so you can use our garden, so on that basis I am rescinding the offer"

Overthebow · 09/04/2025 14:14

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2025 14:09

This.

"If that's the case then I'm going to have to rescind the offer, as we are unwilling to vacate our home and garden for you to hold an event"

I'd not reignite it if she backtracked either. Your house is now off the table.

Show quote history

Say this!

RedHelenB · 09/04/2025 14:14

Dollshousedolly · 09/04/2025 14:05

I’d be telling her that your garden space is no longer available for the party.

This. Now

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 09/04/2025 14:13

Absolutely wouldn’t want her near my house. How on earth did she think your DS would feel? It would be a cancel from me.

MasterOfOne · 09/04/2025 14:13

I'd seriously judge you more for letting this CF walk all over you and your family/home

justkeepswimingswiming · 09/04/2025 14:12

I would just say it’s ds home & garden so he’ll be there, if she doesn’t like that then she needs to find another venue. Cheeky mare!

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2025 14:12

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:08

Thankyou for the replies, I hadn’t yet replied but needed to check I wasn’t being unreasonable and missing something.

Party is very soon and would be putting her out a lot to cancel. I think the most reasonable option would be to just insist it’s only fair that ds gets to go and I think she would agree to that above cancelling the whole party.

I disagree, I'd WANT to put her out just because she is being so much of a CF.

I don't think I'd want my DC to be an "ok if you insisted " invite. They deserve more

MasterOfOne · 09/04/2025 14:11

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:08

Thankyou for the replies, I hadn’t yet replied but needed to check I wasn’t being unreasonable and missing something.

Party is very soon and would be putting her out a lot to cancel. I think the most reasonable option would be to just insist it’s only fair that ds gets to go and I think she would agree to that above cancelling the whole party.

Why are you trying to be reasonable?

There is absolutely no excuse for an ask like this. You'd allow this CF to disrespect your home and family?

Straight cancel.

These people will never learn until they see the consequences of their own inappropriate behaviour.

Gall10 · 09/04/2025 14:11

I’d still let the party go ahead but I’d charge an entrance fee per child…maybe around £19.99 per head (money to go towards toilet facilities, hand washing, towel laundry, carpet wear & tear, presents for neighbours before they complain about the noise made by children who don’t live at your property, waste disposal etc etc etc)
If this isn’t agreeable she can a,ways find somewhere else!

HoppingPavlova · 09/04/2025 14:10

Party is very soon and would be putting her out a lot to cancel. I think the most reasonable option would be to just insist it’s only fair that ds gets to go and I think she would agree to that above cancelling the whole party

How could you even look her in the face at the party after that stunt though? I’d now naturally look like a sucked a lemon whenever I looked at her, wouldn’t be deliberate, just a visceral reaction to what a deranged cow she is.

Moschatelle · 09/04/2025 14:10

You’re worried about putting her out? She didn’t worry about using you and insulting your DS.

bigboykitty · 09/04/2025 14:09

Haha, good luck finding another venue then love.

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2025 14:09

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:03

I'd be rescinding the offer, she is taking cheeky fuckery to new levels here.

This.

"If that's the case then I'm going to have to rescind the offer, as we are unwilling to vacate our home and garden for you to hold an event"

I'd not reignite it if she backtracked either. Your house is now off the table.