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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS(8) not invited to party

562 replies

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:01

Dh used to compete and be a sports coach so we have a section of our garden built up and dedicated to that sport. He just teaches our dc and they play there now.

Ds has mostly had garden parties and then and on play dates his friends play there also.

Mum of one of his friends at a past play date mentioned her ds would love to learn do the sport and do something like this for his birthday but couldn’t find anywhere near.
Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever and actually could have party here if she couldn’t find anywhere else.

It was then agreed her ds could have his party in our garden and borrow equipment we had but that obviously over wise party organising is her responsibility. She has other entertainment, food arranged ect, party is quite soon.

She’s now said that she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead. And as it’s an out of school friend he would only know a few of kids anyway.

She never specifically said ds was invited we just assumed and we probably agreed based on that assumption.

I don’t think its fair to have ds locked in the house or taken out when his friends and boys his age playing in our garden and am shocked she thinks this is an okay suggestion.

AIBU it’s only fair ds goes?

OP posts:
Jibberjabba · 09/04/2025 14:35

Your DS will now be using the space with friends so can no longer accommodate

Shoemadlady · 09/04/2025 14:35

she clearly hasn’t given your son any thought at all here. Has she not considered that his friends will be in his garden and that he’d be watching through the window wondering why he’s been excluded! Don’t be kind to her, put your son at the forefront of your mind and tell her to eff off in no uncertain terms!

BrieAndChilli · 09/04/2025 14:35

I am curious about the sport and the fact that there is nowhere else to do this nearby?

if it was my childs party I would be falling over myself to keep the host family happy, this woman sounds like a user.

ConnieSlow · 09/04/2025 14:34

MasterOfOne · 09/04/2025 14:13

I'd seriously judge you more for letting this CF walk all over you and your family/home

Exactly and then questioning if you are the Ur one??

AprilBunny · 09/04/2025 14:33

Just out of interest will the guests be using your house, kitchen and bathroom etc?
I literally can’t believe the cheek of this woman.

WheresYourSnickers · 09/04/2025 14:33

I am usually of the mind that you can invite whoever you want to your party, but in this case I'd be telling her No. It's is absolutely not fair that your DS is not invited to the party (one held at his own house!) because he is too good at a sport.

TheReturnOfFeathersMcGraw · 09/04/2025 14:32

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:22

So where's she doing the party tea, your house or hers? Where are all these kids going to the loo? You're being massively taken advantage of here. Does your son know he's not invited, and won't a late invitation upset him?

This. Unless you have an outbuilding with a loo, the kids will be coming into your house to use the facilities and see your ds there. Its very strange to ask this!

Original poster
idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:31

Just to be clear ds know when party is and thinks he’s invited (as we assumed he was), he’s excited.
I wasn’t planning on telling him he wasn’t invited and if we cancelled he would be upset and we would have to give him a reason or he’d hear it from friend at club.
ds is obviously my priority, I just think it might be easier for him if he was reluctantly invited but didn’t know that than if we cancelled the whole thing last minute because he wasn’t wanted there.

OP posts:
TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 09/04/2025 14:31

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:30

Poor you, hope it isn't too painful!

Show quote history

Thank you! It's been delayed as they have no water at the moment. Torture!

AprilBunny · 09/04/2025 14:31

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:08

Thankyou for the replies, I hadn’t yet replied but needed to check I wasn’t being unreasonable and missing something.

Party is very soon and would be putting her out a lot to cancel. I think the most reasonable option would be to just insist it’s only fair that ds gets to go and I think she would agree to that above cancelling the whole party.

I would simply tell her to have the party elsewhere, short notice or not. She is unbelievably cheeky.

TheaBrandt1 · 09/04/2025 14:30

Who is more important her or your son? When you are 80 who will be sitting with you? Her or your son? Fuck her basically op keep your perspective.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/04/2025 14:30

Dh said that he’s welcome to come and practice whenever

Obviously cancel the party, but it sounds like this is also random times? That can be stopped too.

Watermill · 09/04/2025 14:30

This is taking cheeky fuckery to Gluezilla levels.

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:30

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 09/04/2025 14:29

Sorry, missed previous post re insurance. Sat in dentists awaiting tooth extraction, not thinking straight!

Poor you, hope it isn't too painful!

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 09/04/2025 14:29

Sorry, missed previous post re insurance. Sat in dentists awaiting tooth extraction, not thinking straight!

TheaBrandt1 · 09/04/2025 14:28

Don’t do this op your poor son will remember it forever and she is a random

MayaPinion · 09/04/2025 14:28

Complete CF! I’d reply, ‘You’re expecting my DS to remain indoors while his friends come round and play on his equipment while he’s not even invited to join them? That’s absolutely not happening and I’m astounded you think that’s appropriate. You will need to find somewhere else to host the party as you are no longer welcome here.’

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 09/04/2025 14:28

Tell her there is an issue with public liability insurance and you cannot go ahead without it.
No arguing with that.

murasaki · 09/04/2025 14:27

Poppyseed14 · 09/04/2025 14:26

She's a CF OP. But I'd also be worried about the repercussions if one of the children were to get injured on the equipment. As you're effectively renting it out for a private party. On that basis alone I'd tell her no.

Good thinking, you could use lack of public liability insurance as a get out if you really don't want to call her out in her outrageous behaviour.

Even though you should for your son.

Comedycook · 09/04/2025 14:27

Wow.

No good deed goes unpunished

Crunchymum · 09/04/2025 14:26

I am just agog that you agreed to host some random party to begin with.

I know it's in your garden but surely the kids will need to come into the house to use the loo?

I think it's too late to cancel (and it's not the birthday child's fault) but I'd be sending her a strongly worded message telling her you are doing her a massive favour and do not expect your DC to have to spend the afternoon indoors / kept away.

I'd be meeting her cheeky fuckery head on by asking her for a donation for your garden and equipment.

Poppyseed14 · 09/04/2025 14:26

She's a CF OP. But I'd also be worried about the repercussions if one of the children were to get injured on the equipment. As you're effectively renting it out for a private party. On that basis alone I'd tell her no.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 09/04/2025 14:25

Her argument doesn't even make sense. You say she says 'people will think it’s my DS’s day instead', why on earth would they think that when her DS has invited them? Half them dont even know your DS. I'd just say my DS comes with the garden or else you'll have to find an alternative venue. Hopefully she'll agree to let DS go and they will all have a lovely time but she has shown her true colours to you. I think it's important your DS understands it isn't his party and he needs to wait his turn with other kids, in a way it would be easier for you to take him out for some of the day but I would make a point of now of making sure you are all there in the way for the entire duration. What a horrible woman.

anon4net · 09/04/2025 14:24

The fact she would think of excluding him and then request this without any thought to how your son would feel, tells exactly what her character is. Please do not entertain this.

Next steps are simple. I think most people would simply rescind the offer completely - with good reason. Though I'd probably simply give her the option of an invite. I'd probably also say I ran the situation by a several Mums to check I wasn't being unreasonable and they very much agreed and said they were surprised you would even suggest leaving my son out and punishing him for our generosity. I think she needs to be taken down a peg or two and feel a bit embarrassed about her actions.

She is next level!

Please let us know what happens.

[Just read your update, please please do not make your son a doormat to keep in good favour. There are many instances as a parent that you need to stand firm with others. This is one.The message to your son if you don't, is terrible. He deserves friends, not to be used by people who take what they want from him and disregard him when they've got what they want.]

TheSnootiestFox · 09/04/2025 14:23

idontunderstandwhy · 09/04/2025 14:19

I can definitely see the idea of cancelling as appealing and I will try and avoid future involvement with this women

But DS is friends with this boy and they do a club together, If we cancelled at short notice it would obviously be spread around that we are horrible and ds might loose friends. Also it’s not her DS’s fault really.

So you'd allow your son to be treated so appallingly just to save face? If anything, it needs spreading around that the other mother expected to use your garden for a party and not invite your son!

Grow a pair woman, you ds needs to know that you have his back and this is how you handle a situation like this, or else he'll repeat your behaviour and be taken advantage of for his entire life!