DS(8) not invited to party

With someone this batshit I would be seriously worried about the implications of one of the guests having an accident while on your property, especially regarding the equipment.

No chance. It’s his house. He comes or it’s cancelled. Use chat gpt to make it sound polite 🤣

she doesn’t think my DS should come as she’s worried the fact it’s his house/garden and he is good at the sport will take the shine of her DS and people will think it’s my DS’s day instead

This is amazing. I'd have an awful lot of responses. As your preferred option is DS going, I'd keep it clear and simple.

"It looks like you've mixed up a favour we offered for our son's friend with you having the right to exclude our family from access to our garden. It's entirely your decision who you invite to [your DS]'s party, but you will not hold an event at my son's home while excluding him from the party, that would obviously be bonkers. Let us know your decision once you've had a moment to think."

I can't believe her cheek. She is getting a free venue and she expects your child to keep out of the way in his own home!
In think you should tell her it's not practical to ask your son to stay out of his own garden so it's probably better if she finds another venue

This is lunacy.

Just explain you will absolutely take a back seat and attend as a guest as if it was not in your garden, but that DS really wants to come and its a little unfair to ask him to sit in the house watching his friends play in his own garden.

Potentially this is a panicked oversight on her part and she will see reason if you explain it to her.

“Oh I totally understand. You’re of course right. I think I forgot to confirm pricing with you, for events where we aren’t present we have to sort insurance etc. the fee is £500 for the afternoon. Have a super party”.

Cheeky cow! That's an insane level of entitlement and meanness.

I can see your reasons for not wanting to cancel and they make sense. But I would 100% have to let her know how out of order she was. I'd tell her obviously DS will be there because it's his home, his garden and his friends(!) and that it never occurred to you that this would be in question. And then I'd just be dead honest and say that whilst you won't call the party off because you don't want to upset the birthday boy or cause drama in your DS's friendships, it has left a very bitter taste in your mouth and isn't an arrangement that will be repeated.

I would judge you more as his mother for allowing to happen right under your nose. Great way to teach your ds that other people's welfare and happiness matter more. If your ds and this boy are friends what lesson is his friend being taught that his friend whose house they are using, has no right to come into the garden at his own house as he might take the 'shine' off his party?? that his friend is a doormat locked inside while they are having fun in his backyard and his feelings don't matter and can be opressed even in his own home. I just hope his DD hits the roof.

I’d say, okay and that you’ll be invoicing her for the exclusive hire of your garden and equipment, then.

This 100%

Agree with this ^

I’d be seriously tempted to cancel! You can’t reason with women like that and I’d be worried she would make your son feel unwelcome during the party.

If she didn’t want last minute drama she wouldn’t have sent you that text. It’s on her.

It's unbelievable the amount of discord amongst families birthday parties seem to cause nowadays,especially with all the competition going on to provide the biggest,best & most original.

In reply to this issue you ANBU to absolutely insist your son attends this party. I would explain to the birthday boys mother your son doesn't mind that he doesn't know everyone & would love to join in. If she still refuses I would remove the offer.

She doesn't deserve your space at all - I am actually shocked.

Also, it's not nice for your son as he wasn't initially invited.

I know you want your son's best interest...but I would rescind the offer.

Don't say it's because your son is not invited - can you book something on the day and say you have a family outing? Also, just cut her off - what a loser, I would never speak to her again!

If you're not careful OP you will find that she's offering your garden and annexe to other people.

You need to nip this in the bud right now.

Wow, what a nasty woman she is! How could she treat a child that way?

Don't even think of offering this!!!

That's horrible. I can't believe the other mum would have the audacity to suggest that. Is she asking your ds not to come at all to the party or just the games? (Not that it's any better, but at least he would get food and cake).

Wait, what?

Your son and this boy are friends. The boy’s mum wants to use your tennis court area (or swimming pool, or trampoline, or rock climbing wall, or whatever) in your backyard to host her son’s party. Your son is quite good at tennis (or rock climbing, or swimming…etc) because he has regular access to his own facilities.

You’ve offered access to your backyard, and it’s facilities for this boy’s party. As a favour. The mother doesn’t want to invite your son (despite him being a friend) because he is quite good at (insert activity here), and will therefore steal the limelight from her son.

Is that right?

Where does she suggest your son go on the day? What if one of the other kids turns out to be quite good at (insert activity here)? I can’t believe what I am reading!

I would say to them - no way can you invite DS from a party in his own garden at this late stage. The offer of free access to all your space and equipment comes with DS too!

Say you'll have a word with DS about how to be a good host / help make sure the birthday boy had a nice time. Be friendly and breezy but don't compromise!

Cheeky fuckers honestly!

Yes! This!

Just send a breezy" ha you had me going there... I am sure guests will know who's party it is, ds will be on hand if anyone needs any help using the equipment.. Hopefully all of the dc will have a great time. ".
From op..

If she's cheeky and rude enough to suggest this what else is she capable of?

Cancel.

Yes, this also.

Are they paying?

And will she be cleaning that afterwards?

I think not.